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soo....this blog things still around eh?
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Jul 2, 2008 9:00 am
2952 Views
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i haven't been on alt in awhile. stuff has been going on and i haven't really had time to check on my friend's blogs lately. so today i got the chance and saw amazingly that some people responded to my old entries. it made me laugh, i was like really? someone still reads these? i only go on alt to check on my friends and see how their doing pretty much so i thought it was interesting people outside of the friends i made on here still check up on my blog.
so as i think i've said before i don't write on here because i don't have anything to say really. nothing to talk about that's alternative really...i don't talk about sex, i don't talk about d/s relationships because i'm not in one and i never was looking for one...i guess i felt since i don't talk about sex, d/s, or anything alternative really that there really is no point for this journal. also i was copying and pasting most of my entries from livejournal on here..i still lj, but i don't really say much here. plus i'm 21 so most of you guys have already gone through stuff i would write about anyway, it just seems pointless to keep up with writing in here.
so...what's been going on with me eh?
well since christmas time i've went through the end of my sophomore year and the beginning of my junior year in college. i got on the honors roll both semesters and this was the first time i've ever been on the honors roll in my entire school career. i was really proud of myself and happy that i found my niche finally.
i met some new friends, ended relationships with toxic people, left organizations that were toxic at school, joined new ones, volunteered and all that jazz.
daddy came down and visited me for valentines weekend. it was really nice. right now i'm up at his place for the summer and things are going great.
i've gone to anime conventions, music concerts, movies and the like.i've gotten more green, i've worked on cooking(still no expert, but hey at least i know how to make some stuff instead of only knowing how to order out eh) and some other stuff.
i still do yoga and meditation,still growing with my spirituality and all that jazz.
so i guess that's my update. i guess it's also funny coming back and seeing that things don't change here in general, same shit(yes i do mean shit) but different faces for the most part.
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happy holidays?
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Dec 29, 2007 3:28 pm
3198 Views
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i hope everyone is having a great holiday. mine isn't going that good. it's been awhile since i can think of one that was good. sometimes i wonder do people really have holidays like on the t.v.? is there really a time that people get together and are thinking of others and have a merry time? and why can't i get that? mine's only full of wastefulness, rudeness, yelling, fighting, sexisim, racisim, homophobia and plain ol negativity. the only thing i can be thankful for is that i don't have to be home the majority of the time.
so i want to ask you,
are you having a peaceful holiday?
because i don't know what one is like.
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what flavor are you?
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Dec 21, 2007 4:59 pm
3195 Views
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i was reading blogs off my watched list as i do every day and i came across a post that got me thinking. BlackStar83 was writing about some interesting and humorus topics as usual but this entry got me thinking:
Vanilla? Chocolate? Cookies and Cream?
if my personality, my lifestyle, or just myself in genreal was an ice cream flavor, what would it be?
i immediatly picked rainbow.
why?
because i feel like i've never fit one category. and whenever i've taken tests, be it more on a work personality test or even the ones online they always say that too. so i feel like i fit various life styles. be it the otaku, the geek, the music lover, the college student, the pagan, the glbt, the hippy, or whatever scene it is i feel like i can fit well with it and not only does it work but i feel expresses me fully. i think my emotions and expression are a wide range as well as well as the style that i feel i can shift into..though i usually just go for jeans and a t shirt.lol
so if you(defined as any of the three above or all three) were an ice cream flavor, what would you be?
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winding down
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Dec 10, 2007 1:38 pm
3210 Views
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it seems like this is the sort of weather december brings. things are almost over and it seems the weather reflects that. well it's almost over if your a college student, unfortunatly real jobs tend to not work that way.
another thing i relate this season with is contemplation. it's a time to look back and see how you did. what improved? what didn't? what are you thankful for? did this year suck the big one? or was it the best one yet?
one of my friends said something like this, "we're all doing the best we can the best we know how to do" and i like it. i think it applies to everyone and you know that's what i tell myself when people act rudely or totally unaware of their surroundings. to me it might be obvious but i'm not them, i don't know what their thinking.
see, this season screams reflection so much that i'm doing it already. that's for my lj, not for here. no one really cares about that.
but looking back i can say this has been one of the great years in my life.
i met daddy and we started to be an offical item. and because of this i've learned so much about myself and how i interact with people. i'm learning to be more open to people and just because people act a certain way in the past doesn't mean that they will always act that way.
i think that's a big thing about any sort of relationship, it forces you to be fully naked in front of another person flaws and all. and well even if you're okay with yourself being in front of someone like that is unnerving. it takes awhile to get used to it even if you trust and love that person because we're not used to that. and it also makes you look inside yourself and recognize certain things about yourself.
and i'm really grateful for that.
i don't remember if i particurly met anybody new this year on alt. i don't think i did. i really started to just slow down on here. mainly because i feel like i don't have much to say as i've said before. though i do comment on my friends blogs here and there to say no, i'm not gone, i just don't have anything particuarly thrilling to say.
this year in all aspects have been really good for me. also i haven't had that much trouble with depression this year. when i've had it i've started to open up with that and my emotions. and well that's hard, letting someone see you like that but it's better to have someone to listen to you and help you feel better than dealing with it by yourself.
so i hope ya'll have a good holiday and all that. i feel like i'm repeating myself a lot so i'll just stop it there.
but besides that, i have to say i got the greatest email today. it started off as "So this guy walks into a bar" and then they say hi to me.
what the fuck? someone spends to much of their time in rpg groups.
forgot to add another thing, if he knew me he knew he wouldn't find me at a bar. i don't drink and everyone that knows me knows that. so the only reason you'd find me at a bar is if daddy was with me and really i don't think i would pay that much attention to you if he was there.lol
nice try, but just a cigar too short.
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it's the bewitching hour
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Oct 28, 2007 9:28 am
3376 Views
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so october is almost over! that means i'll be reflecting back on last year. what's changed? what has stayed the same? what were some things that stand out to me looking back?
we shall see, we shall see.
first things first, which is my daddy(which of course as any little girl would say is the bestest in the world. which i think isn't a contradiction, we all just have amazing daddies.haha). at first i really wasn't talking about him though. i was just alluding to him here and there and we weren't offical offical. here are some of the posts where i'm musing about us before we become offical:
come inside
the wall
almost
i also had my first thoughts that i'm sure alot of us as adults or as people go through. the disenchantment of our society and wanting to go back to simpler things. be it a 'simpler' time or for me a simpler area. right now i'm not as freaked about it as i was then. i am working(because i feel we are never done, we merely have to work at it)on being here now. i am working in my classwork, i am working on my relationship and other ones and with the energy put out, i will be put in the direction i need to go. which is not always what i thought or what i want, but will accept this is where i need to be now.
urk
afterwards i had an epiphany and here it is/was:
value
i say is because it never goes away. it just stays inside yourself deep down. so sometimes you need to go digging or you just need to re-read in order to remember the important things..or things you've gone through.
and then i write about daddy and i becoming offical. though it is interesting and to me shows something too. i was so wrapped up in not being hurt and not being used by another long distance relationship that i didn't realize he told me he loved me. until recently i thought i was the one that told him that and that i was the first one to share my whole feelings with him. isn't it funny? even though life is so much more, you come into the world alone, you live your life alone, and you die alone. nothing cryptic. just in this life people tend to forget so much is based on our own perceptions our own will. and that we make our own decisions and alot of times..things happen when you are personally ready to move forward. so interesting. here it is:
complete
i was having a hard time in school last semester due to the classes i was taking and due to a teacher that was difficult and also rude. i wrote about it here and i also thought the other half of my blog was just plain funny:
*shrugs*
here is a post that chronicles some of alt's early screwups before it got UBER sloow!
pretty please!!!
here i am professing my geekiness:
your wrong
i lost a friend here, as i said though our relationship was always hot and cold. we'd get along then we'd keep fighting and finally he just said he was done so i was like oh okay. it was disappointing but i still feel like i made an impact if not just a small one on another person's life which is a good thing i think: open arms
and the weather was getting cooler: OH BEGIZITS!!! it's not as cold as it was last year(thank you global warming) but it still is getting cold.
i also started to go to pagan meetups: hypocritical i realized that they are regular people just like you and me unfortunately. and just because your one religion doesn't mean your open minded or 'aware' or anything. but we all have our paths to follow and our places to grow. i still am going and i've made friends with some. no enemies which is a good thing, just people i haven't met. for the most part i find people are very open, accepting, and loving. you get a couple that don't quite get it and a couple who are just for show but as i said we all are here for different reasons.
i had another a-ha! moment: readjustment as well as finding this really great myth that i think everyone should read: i needed this
october was a busy month! november surely will be even busier. i feel like i've grown more into myself and more able to handle the pressure and more aware. +1 to me, but i still am growing.
happy shaman and halloween to all!!
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howdy
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Oct 8, 2007 7:37 pm
3448 Views
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just wanted to say howdy to the people who watch my blog.
i'm seeing some people that i didn't know about and apparently watch my blog and just wanted to say howdy.
how's it goin?
talk amongst yourselves and all that jazz.lol
my right hand has been gimpy for abit now so i can't type to much. i think i sprained it but my dad(bio, i use the term daddy for my partner) says in lamen's terms it is mainly arthritis so i won't type to much. just wanted to say hi.
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alt's not so bad
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Oct 2, 2007 1:33 pm
3478 Views
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well the company that owns alt isn't so bad!
despite all it does i do have to say i will be forever in a sense in debt to them for one thing. 
daddy and i met on the other site, Adult FriendFinder not looking for any sort of relationship or anything.
and here we are a year latter and we are still together and things just keep getting better.
so i do have to thank the company for that. otherwise i would have defiantly missed out on a beautiful person with a beautiful soul to match.
so this week is daddy and i's anniversary. i say week because we officially told each other i love you on separate days and i don't really see a reason to pick a day and discredit one of the days.
that and were not that conventional in the first place, why start now?hehehe
so for all those who are single and are serious about getting in whatever sort of relationship your looking for, it does happen. you just gotta be willing to have it happen.
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maybe
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Sep 25, 2007 9:32 pm
3261 Views
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Love was the egg
See and it was born in a cloud with silver lining
But it broke, I mean it hatched on the ground
So time flew right by me and while I...
[Chorus]
I know you thought your life was goin be easy
When you didn't call you found that you where wrong
I know you thought your life was goin be easy
You thought you had it all but you found that you were wrong
See maybe there was something wrong
And you weren't telling me no
See maybe the laugh's on me
And life was telling me a joke
If something's yours and you let it go
If it comes back to you it was yours all along
When I let you go along with those lies from you
I wonder what else lies in you
Or did the lies just just eat gone
[Chorus]
Hold it now!
Is ya'll there?
How you feel right now?
Yeah me too
Hey yeah!
Hold it now!
Ya'll all right?*(right here has a really nice instrumental stuff going, then it goes to the basic beat..so you really don't get a feel for how amazing this part is)
See do you remember
what its like to wake up in her love nest
get it love nest and now she's gone
gone gone gone
At which point you realize
Life is but a joke and the laughs on you
That's funny right
Babe
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reflections
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Sep 15, 2007 2:17 pm
3341 Views
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well i don't really post here anymore like you guys know. i only really post on livejournal and i don't really see the point in copying and pasting my events on here. ya'll don't really care about how my classes are or whatever college stuff i'm going through because most of you are past that. and i'm not that inclined with sharing stuff between daddy and i on here because of the unfavorable people that this site can attract as well.
so what i was thinking is once a month i can talk about reflections about how things went for me last year and what is going on briefly this year.
so right now were in the month of september! i've made 3 entries this year, of which one only really talks about me.
*last year in september i did 30 entires.
*apparently alt makes it hard to look at the entries that are only specific to that month. kinda lame.
*i find it interesting that this post has 365 views: intelligent conversation
so technically one a person a day could've read that post. how cool is that?
*another thing i notice going back is that i was online way more than i am now. starting to learn control! lol, i'm still online for like 5 hours, but i used to be on there for about 10 hours or more. so i'm learning some control.lol i also notice that i'm abit more calm now since i don't spend so much time talking and involving myself with negative people on here.
*leading up to that, apparently i got really agitated at people questioning me or attacking me or just being plain rude about my race(not ethnicity, two different things!) and flared out on this post, i guess it's interesting if you come here and are just looking at me for the first time and are confused yourself: first off what the fuck?
recently though people haven't asked me about my race or ethnicity. it hasn't happened for awhile actually.
*i think one of the most important things that occurred to me this month last year was going to earthdance: i am converted it helped me on my spiritual path. unfortunately though, they only have one in houston for the state of texas. and well my folks wouldn't be cool with me going down there just hanging out and shit. that and the fact that i'd have to drive just 4-5 hours going there, and then 4-5 hours back the next day. though next week they have a yoga thing going on in austin that is for the global mala project. i think i'll do that instead.
*of course i had my ups and downs. looked like my downs were starting to slow down. i really don't quite remember what brought this up out of my besides pre relationship issues and oddly enough can't find more about it on either alt or livejournal. but still i like my writing with this one: paralized
and that's me then and me now in a nutshell..well not much of me now..but it is something from me.
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