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i feel conficted at times
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Sep 14, 2005 7:54 am
556 Views
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I love how I am opening a little more than I use to still am having trouble just being me at times. I know it is going to take longer than I want it too can not just break out ones shell over night after suppressing everything for so long.
I take great comfort in the fact that I smile more often now, and more importantly it is not forced.
I like the chat room the gender exchange for I feel quite at home. people there is so welcoming when new people pop in saying hello, it gives me a nice feeling.
I want to use my webcam to show my outfit off, and maybe get some pointers or tips, but everytime I do I get a comment that I do not wish to repeat, or rather several comments.
when this happens I feel like shoving my fist down their throat, or at least tell them off. I know I should just shrug it off like the others do when some comments are made in the room.
I realize this is an adult site, and there are a lot of people just wanting to cum in their pants. simple manners go along way with me, I mean just saying, or how are would be nice instead of take it off baby.
I think the worst part is I dress to feel good, but when this happens I do not. I am sure this will sound strange I feel not violated, but less of a person when it happens. that will not stop me from enjoying dressing, i love it too much to let anyone stop me from doing that
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a song that brings me too tears
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Sep 13, 2005 1:50 pm
471 Views
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there always seems to songs that I listen to when I am depressed Amazing Grace is one, but the that I seem to back to time and time again is bridge over troubled waters.
I even have a cover of it by Russell Watson a self taught tenor, if you can find his first album The Voice, and you like classical buy it you will not regret it.
I think in this case it is not just the words that get, but the arrangement as well,the phrasing everything is so in unison. it is so peaceful, and almost haunting at the same time, it sends shivers down my spine.
Bridge Over Trouble Water
When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can't be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
© 1969 Paul Simon
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i get nogstalgic at this time of year
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Sep 13, 2005 5:22 am
528 Views
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This time of year when the begin to change the weather is a little cooler, the days become a little shorter, and the changing of the seasons is my favorite time of the year.
It is a time of nostalgia, a time to look back at things that have happened in ones life. Nostalgia I love it even if it is a falsely portrays the past, accentuating the pleasant's aspects of the times, but not the hard realities of it.
The Victorian with all it decadence, and the style of the fashions of the age brings such warm thoughts to mind, the colors, the delicate lace trims on the clothing, and the music as well, all represent a time when there was more time to do and enjoy life.
The holiday season is approaching and the memories of riding the train to go to grandma's house for Thanksgiving, and Christmas seeing the leaves in the trees burst into an array of reds,orange, and yellows is my fondest one. the crisp Autumn air and the need for another layer of clothing is such a comforting feeling, it feels like there is someone watching over me reminding me too take care of myself.
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i find strength in love
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Sep 12, 2005 5:38 am
468 Views
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LOVE is so wonderful of a word there are few words like certainly there is no better way to express how you feel .
LOVE s beyond words ,yes it is defined, but even that fails in comparrision to how one feels when one is in LOVE or is LOVED.
Love is beyond being an emotions for it so much more,with Love ones emotions can no longer be contained when one finds LOVE. Too be LOVED or be in LOVE fills the void all other feelings that they are no longer needed to feel complate, for LOVE is all that you need.
The absolute and most LOVELY thing about LOVE is how it destroys hatred
hatred is the most useless emotion of all, it desrtoys everything that has meaning. hatred is like LOVE in one way it is not an emotion, but a state of being. A Horrible state at that.
When one hates one might as well not be alive, and in truth i feel they are already dead.
The worst part is i use to think it was the the only useful emotion, how sad it that.
I could have been filled with joy,too be in LOVE, too be LOVED, too be alive.
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a song that speaks to my soul
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Sep 11, 2005 11:36 am
583 Views
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when i get so stressed out, and i can not even think i play music. actually a better way wouls be to say i have songs that i play.
ones that speak to my soul and spirit, and the very first one that did that is Judy collins singing amazing grace.
i find the best way to listen is to tugn out the lights, and close your eyes let your ears take in all the sounds and carry you on an emotional journey
Amazing Grace Lyrics
John Newton (1725-1807)
Stanza 6 anon.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
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beauty we need more of it
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Sep 10, 2005 4:07 pm
606 Views
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it is such a wonderful word beauty no other word like it as far I am concern.it is hard to define, but you know when you see it. it is so personal to each of of us that no can own it, or bottle, or patent it.
the joys of life that is what I consider beautiful, they are so many beautiful things to see, feel, smell, and express that a lifetime is not long enough to experience them all
beauty should always be shared never try to hide it, let the world see the light that lies within us all. let go of the fear that holds you back, and embrace the person who is loved by those who are close to you.
when a loved says that you are beautiful believe them, for they see the person you are, the person who the outside world never gets to see. the cold dark world of events and stories we would rather forget, just think how much more wonderful the world would be if everyone shared the beauty that is inside them, far better than a utopia
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