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Just funny...
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Feb 9, 2006 8:41 am
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Ok, I got a call this morning from an old 'friend.' After no talking for a long time he woke me up this morning with a call to see what I was doing. He was trying to get me to come to go over and visit when he threw out,
Hey us vanilla boys need loving too.
I still declined but lay there laughing for awhile and then thought.....Wait a minute what does he know that I haven't told him?
I have been called out twice in less than 12 hours..oops.
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my submissive side
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Feb 9, 2006 12:35 am
523 Views
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Recently in a conversation with my best friends husband I mistook the comment "what are you my mother" to "What are you wearing leather?" I had just passed their house in my car and thought WTF. Her husband normally comes up with little inappropriate things to say to me and thought this was better than any of his others but was really confused with where it came from. After answering no not right now I have class. He said what I said what Told him what I thought he said you get the drift. After laughing hysterically at the miscommunication when I talked to her later she asked me a little more about what I meant by being submissive. Now I love her dearly but there is not a submissive bone in her body she is a Dominant through and through and we both know it. She was shocked when I said to her that I liked to submit.
Until that night she had thought it was all sexual. She always tells me if there was another dwarf I could play it and be Horny. I tried to explain wanting to please another above all else. Just a bit. Knew she wasn't getting it and let it go. I just let her think it was a sexual thing. I realized she would never understand.
Then as I lay in bed tonight I got to thinking about how to explain it. There is something inside of me that I knew was there but had never really let out before. It kind of both amazes me and scares me. I am getting more comfortable with it all the time, but sometimes as I write something, be it a story or fantasy (which I have not been brave enough to post yet)or an e-mail to someone I communicate these thoughts to. I see my words and am amazed at myself. Who would have thought being called a dirty little slut could be such a turn on? Who would have thought the feel of a collar being locked around my neck could just make me feel at peace? Why when I kneel at a true Dom/Master's feet do I feel as if I belong there? What would I do? How far would I go? I realized tonight that though I do have some hard lines, many I once thought of as hard are blurring, some more than others. What am I really looking for? I have spent a long time alone because of illness in the last 2 years and have gotten to know myself really well. I know who I am. I am comfortable with me and I love me. Now I realize how deep these desires are in me and wonder about them. Is it changing who I am now that I have actually acknowledged them or am I just becoming a more rounded me?
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Not sleeping so I am thinking....
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Feb 9, 2006 12:16 am
503 Views
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OK, I was supposed to meet someone tonight. We were all set to meet in a public place, Changed the day and time to fit his schedule. Sent him my cell phone number so he would have it. Went to school. Went to meet him. Realized I had been stood up and thought what the hell. Is he dead? Has he been in a wreck country roads were slick tonight? Is this some kind of weird how long will she wait for me test? Not really a good idea. Is he rescuing a kitten from a tree? Is he a self possessed obnoxious jerk who does not respect me or my time? The longer I sat there the more pissed I became.
I must interject here that from the time I got there the host of the restaurant was talking to me, not in a flirty "how you doing?" manner just in a intelligent funny person manner. I had school books with me because I had gotten there early and knew I could get some work done. He told me of a business venture he was working on that had to do with one of my books. I gave him a referal to a lady that could help him network. He also had a slightly twisted sense of humor when talking to other guests that was just killing me. There was really nothing flirty just normal at this point.
You see I had really thought this guy was for real which is why I believe I became so pissed. I had expectations for him. I had even a little respect for him up unitl 20 minutes past said meeting time. I had actually let myself think after our conversations this might actually go somewhere. I do that at times which is dumb. I think ahead before I really know where I am. I could just see me with this guy. He did not bring up sex right away when talking about submission and Dominance. It was not the main thing he was looking for. He appeared to understand about mutual respect. We had similar backgrounds so I had thought htings looked good.
No awkward silences when we talked on the phone. It had just felt good. Then I was sitting there waiting. Nothing feels quite so bad as waiting for someone and knowing they are not coming. As the host said, as I glanced towards the door yet again, "Yep door's still there even if you don't look at it."
There is a good point though actually I learned a lot tonight. Even though I was very pissed inside with myself and Mr. X. (It is easier to keep track if you just give them letters.) I ended up having a really nice time. I talked with the host for quite awhile because they were slow and my table was close to the door. At one point and I don't even know why I was asked the question, "what are you into some kind of kinky freaky stuff?" For the first time in my life I looked someone I did not know straight in the eye and said "why yes actually I am." To my surprise especially where I am from he smiled and said good so am I. and walked away. hhmmmmmmmm. Made me think of the tiger and the wink pick up line.
He strolled back after seating some people and doing other various things. By this time he knew I had been stood up. That it was an internet thing and had pointed out that it appeared to be working rather well. Which really cracked me up because I kept telling my friends that this was my last internet meet for awhile. I was done. To which he said you are over the internet dating thing? I said yes and he said good what are you doing tomorrow night? I promise I'll show up.
Nice. Yeah me. He even had me laughing while I was being stood up.
I get home. and have an e-mail telling me said guy who didn't show couldn't make it, etc. Well evidently he is OK enough to type just not use the phone. Wonder if he reads blogs?
oops my spell check isn't working again. Please excuse typos.
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St. Valentine's Day, Again
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Feb 8, 2006 12:03 pm
494 Views
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Saint my ass...OK I bet you are picking up I am not the biggest Valentine's Day fan on the block...In fact the last several years I have worn all black and been in mourning for all the pleasant Valentine's memories I should have had.
To begin with in high school I worked at a flower shop. My boyfriend of love of my life at the time, knew I loved flowers and would order them for me then not pay for them. We had an account system. I would be horribly embarrassed that my boyfriends name was on the past due list posted in the store and you guessed it I would pay for the Damn flowers. I started to cringe when the orders got bigger. This worked for Prom flowers, birthday flowers, the whole bit but i did it 'cause I loved him. Thank God that was only teenage love.
Then there was the Marine I 'loved.' He really was a good guy at heart but we were young and when I called to tell him Happy Valentine's Day and thanks for the first flowers I didn't have to pay for, A female answered HIS phone in HIS room, laughing and said he was too busy to talk to some little girl. HE didn't call for a week.
College.....Oh more pleasant memories....There was one fun one. I did gt the most obscenely ridiculous balloon bouquet you have ever scene in your life from a guy that I had met at a party that was just a casual date thing since he was in another town. He was pretty cool and a motor cross racer. The balloons took up half of my dorm room, but that same year they let my ex-boyfriend from high school out. The whole possession of a stolen firearm thing. My parents were proud. He came to school to win me back and take me away from my $25,000 a year scholarship with a gun and a teddy bear. I had grown out of my brief bad boy stint by then and wanted nothing to do with him and was amazed he was smart enough to find me. Campus contacted my parents for some reason and after my Dad had a talk with him he ran literally if he saw my Mom or myself in a store near our home town I just recently saw him for the first time in 10 years. It still scared me. We did not speak and I swear he looked around for my Dad.
When I was living with a guy only time I have done that for long still during college. I bought my first house at 19. I cooked the incredible dinner for him, Prime rib, twice baked potatoes, homemade hot rolls, A luscious chocolate three layer dessert. I even made the horseradish sauce. He went out drinking with the guys, knowing I had the dinner ready, showed up 4 hours late and did not even have a gift after every one who near us reminded him and he swore he was going to make this a great year. Don't make the promise because then expectations are set. I had eaten It was wonderful. I had put all the food away. Left the dishes for him and boy did I make a mess and hid the chocolate dessert. He had the nerve to ask ME to make HIM a plate. I think for the first time in my life I threw something at another person. It was this heavy glass thing that was within my reach when he said that sadly it did not hit his head either of them.
Then I spent many years alone. Much better Valentines days. I went to the Godiva store the day after and bought the heart boxes of candy half off.
Then there was the guy I was just kinda dating who proposed in a Valentine. Huh? We had been going out a few months and weren't that serious turns out he joined the military and wanted the extra income so he figured we'd just get married and he'd give me a cut. That one still makes me shake my head.
Now there are a few more thrown in there for good measure but these are the most memorable and the dinner bothered me more than the gun.
I typically just find my blackest black clothes and wear those and sneer at all the people having wonderful Valentines Days. This year does not appear to have any prospects for improving things, but I always get a little cranky this time of year. One more fucking hallmark commercial and I am going to puke.
To make things better, I have my most unfavorite class for 3 hours that night and have to give a proposal. Oh and if you are wondering why I wrote this so early, It's so it will post by Valentine's Day.
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The search continues, my misfortune your enjoyment...
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Feb 8, 2006 11:38 am
481 Views
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I have been trying to meet people close to home, maybe for play but more to try to make some friends that I can actually see sometimes into the same stuff as me. Recently I had one of these things. Why I continue to do this to myself is beyond me other than 1) I wasn't studying 2) It had to be something to do with all the medication I have been on recently 3)I am completely bored 4)I HATE Valentines Day (coming soon to a blog near you) 5) I was bored and lonely (don't forget the meds) never a good combination for me and had the night to myself. 6) Did I mention I wasn't studying?
I met a dude. That's the best thing I can think of to describe him recently. He said he was a Dom. He wasn't as bad as some but I classify him as I want to get laid and I will try to play whatever game you are into to get a piece of ass. He was completely weak and in sales and it carried through into everything. That sales tilt to his voice. His mannerisms and the damn way he phrased his sentences. I have written shit better than that which was coming out of his mouth and I am not that good yet.
I am used to be called many names, but Baby and not baby like girl or slut or something, but all women know what I mean when I say Baby. That way that makes you want to grab the guys tongue and wrap it around his throat and tie a big loopy bow in it.
Then the kicker he said he'd call me to tell me something that I actually wanted to know later that night. It's been a little while I just hear from him last night. Guess what he's horny! Bet that was a hard one to figure out and wondered what I was doing telling me how much he enjoyed my company. He would have been as happy with himself and a mirror which I did eventually point out if he thought there might be sex involved.
I started drilling him a bit through IM on his Dom experience......First of all he took it all and tried to appease me and I was being a total shit to see how far I could go..I was really pressing and way out of line in sooooooo many ways just for a human let alone a Dom and one who wanted to be my Dom......Then, instead of either telling me to go to hell or that I shouldn't talk to him like that or anything he offered to make everything up to me.....huh?.......Then he wanted me to call him after I told him I was meeting someone new this week so he could "swing by when things didn't work out" WTF. If he was so taken by me then why would tonight not work? I may be a slut and happy to be one, but I still think it is kind of tacky to have that little contingency plan set up going into a meet too. If things work out tonight and my Dom to be (correct wording here) becomes my Dom and suddenly decides to read my blog and saw I had a contingency plan in case I didn't like him...OOOPS!....Can't you just think of some of the well known Doms around here and how well they would take that?.....You what?! ...
Yeah that would hurt....So as I continue my search I continue to think ....You have got to be kidding me...You are so not for real. More to come I am sure......
I hate looking for someone new!!!
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Looking for that lost object....
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Feb 8, 2006 7:48 am
438 Views
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I have spent most of the last night trying to remember where I put something that I could not find. I found it this morning in "the last place I looked" You see a close friend of mine dropped a cell phone into a sink full of water and now it won't work so they wanted to borrow my old one. Not a problem for me, but I had to remember where it was. I "put it up for safe keeping" and completely forgot where was so safe.
My friend today said to me I bet you found it in the last place you looked. Well, duh? Why would I continue to look for something I had already found. Then said friend began making fun of me for "putting it up for safekeeping." This one made sense to me. I had to make it difficult to find if I wanted to keep a spare phone around. I have a son who thinks spare cell phones are a blast. If his little paws gone on it it would be lost in the black hole of space that has become his bedroom, wedged next to some stashed candy (I found his stash of pixie sticks yesterday) and some odd collection of rocks and sticks that he has managed to sneak into the house. It was put up and it was safe. Very safe, so safe in fact I could not for the life of me remember where the hell it was. I found it this morning when in a fluke I opened my bedside table drawer and it was right inside.
This is a never ending theme for me. I will put something somewhere that makes perfect sense at the time. Then things will happen I will change how I am viewing things and the perfect sense of my decision is completely gone. Then look for things until I find them. Then you guessed it I stop so they are indeed in the last place I look.
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I need some help...
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Feb 7, 2006 10:56 am
465 Views
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Hi everyone,
I need all of your help. You see every time I start doing any of my homework on the computer I inevitably come to Alt. Then I start reading through the blogs and posting, maybe check out blogger chat, maybe check out who's checking me out, etc. What I need to be doing is concentrating on homework I am in my last semester of my Master's degree. I am taking 5 Master's classes and have been roped into doing several various projects around the school. Will someone kick my ass please?? (or spank or whatever will get me to do the stuff I need to be doing?) (MC- I appreciate the help last night) Help me to motivate. So far I do have A's in everything, but I am way behind for me. I am an annoyingly good student who blows the curve for everyone. I can't help being a nerd at heart. After 19 years of schooling I am having a hell of a time motivating myself and I have never had this problem before. HELP!!!! You could all be really boring for awhile and maybe I would lose interest *Grin* OK most of you couldn't be boring on a bad day. Maybe alt will read this and just not update for a week at a time now instead of the day it seems to be taking lately. If it happens please don't blame me. I was in on the sacrifice to appease the Alt gods....See as I ramble on accounting awaits...sigh...
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A conspiracy
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Feb 7, 2006 7:46 am
429 Views
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I have become and Alt conspiracy theorist. You see when I went to bed at 1 or 2 last night the same blogs were on the new list that had been on all day. I wake up and everything has updated and once again I am nowhere to be seen on the new list. I for one have learned to not just read what is on the new list. I have not made it on that list for weeks it seems. I know I will never make the 'other' list. I do not worry about it, but it is kinda nice when you thing you have said something clever to see it on the new list now and then. Not that it is clever just that sometimes I think I am. I so love my fantasy world. Now watch everyone this one will be one the front page for a whole day or something ricidulous. I am tempted to not even spell check it just to make sure it sticks to the page. It I see a mistake in one it is always viewed by more people....Ah well, such is life in the blogs...
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A watched Blog...
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Feb 6, 2006 6:25 pm
414 Views
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After my very short time on alt I have come to one very simple conclusion Alt must adhere to the same rules as a teakettle....A watched pot never boils....A watched blog never posts....sigh
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Drivers and hats...
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Feb 6, 2006 10:41 am
395 Views
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Can someone please tell me why the idiocy of the driver in front of me on the road is in direct proportion the stupidity of the hat on their head? Let's hope I never get behind the Pope because at this rate I would be on the road for days! SO far in the last week I have been behind the top hat guy. 45 MPH in a 50. Drove straight though. Then there was the what the hell is on her head lady. Of course she was a classic there was a light dusting of snow so of course anything of 30 was just out of the question and she took her half out of the middle and would not get over so I could pass. Keep in mind I live in the country. A lot of people drive down the middle and we normally go 70 we just do. We slow down at dusk and dawn because of deer. For ice and snow. Real ice and snow I should add. Then in the spring and fall you don't want to go too fast because of all the farming equipment on the roads which is a whole different blog I am sure I will rant on in the spring and fall. Back to the what the hell is on her head lady.....I finally after 4 miles of riding her left side convinced her to move over enough I could pass her by going partway in the ditch. I did pass her slow enough to look at her hat. Don't know what it was but I started laughing so I hard I almost ended up in the ditch. It had to be on clearance at Walmart and looked more like wall art. Then today coming home there was beanie dude. Couldn't see his head over the seat just the beanie. I knew he was going to be a treat and he didn't disappoint. He swerved everywhere which takes some skill at 20 miles per hour. I think he put more miles on his car going sideways than forward. I did the wonderfully bitchy move of passing him while he was stopped at a stop sign. No one was coming so I just went around while he was stationary.
Finally on the other side of the coin we have Mad bomber hat guys. There are a lot of them and they all have big pick-ups. Various models and they all think theirs is the best and have those little piss-on whatever stickers on the back. If I have to explain on more of those to my son I am going to scream. Anyway they wear the hunting hats with the ear flaps pulled down. They wait until it is really slick or we get significant snow fall. It is better if it ices first then drifts. Then they drive around for no reason flat out. They take turns pulling each other out of drifts drinking while they are doing it. They the go hunting and shoot something...scary eh?
Beware of the hats when you drive.
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To link to this blog (paristie) use [blog paristie] in your messages.
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