|
|
|
Age
|
Feb 15, 2012 11:18 am
1424 Views
|
As a general rule I find that men between 50 and 60 are best for me.
Over 60 tend to be newly retired, make more (for lack of a better word) desperate choices in women, don't know what do do with themselves yet and make the woman in their life their main focus. To much pressure for me as they tend to be under foot. Hard enough when you've spent a lifetime together.
The flip side of that is that they have found what they need to keep busy and aren't really serious about their search as they've learned to like their own company . So in the end, unless you chase hard, it's a waste of time.
Under 50 tend to think very highly of themselves, expect a mediate gratification, are less understanding, and have to much energy.
|
|
|
4
Comments
|
|
|
The invitation
|
Feb 15, 2012 11:16 am
1278 Views
|
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithful
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
Missmastered Again.
|
Jan 25, 2012 5:36 am
1603 Views
|
Thank you but, sadly 2012 has started off far worse then any I've ever faced. Again, I find myself alone and in much smaller shreds then before. The damage much more profound. The loss so much greater that I nearly chose to die. The situation even worse then before leaving me with little hope and even fewer resources.My will to survive is on auto pilot. God knows that the "want" to survive is gone. I pray to be parted from this body even though I know that I'm destined to live and feel every crack, tear and abrasion on that inner most part of myself.
This Master saw me through that last dark place. He comforted, encouraged, supported and rebuilt me. I clung to him like any dyeing child would. I drew from his strength and dared to build dreams again because of his promises. I no longer found myself ducking away from life's raised hand. I was safe and always would be under the care of this master. My Master,
In my mind all day, every day were the thoughts of how best to please him. When I felt him drifting from me the fear in the pit of my gut so sour that I would wretch. So panicked I was to do anything if it meant saving us.
Little did I know how futile any effort would be. He'd already moved on in his head. The things he'd told me were gold to me. Held close to my heart. For him they were just words to take back or make lite of. I was always just a temporary fix until he tired of me or a fresh replacement came along.
He didn't push me away. He brutally threw me away because he knew it was wrong and wanted as little time as possible to see the ruin in my eyes. He did the very thing that had nearly destroyed me. With such disdain and malice delivered the exact blows that he had nursed me through. He held no emotional responsibility for me because then he would have to give of himself to set me on my feet.
Larger then the mother ship, there hung the truth. He had changed his mind or had he misled me or had it all been a big con? A lie!! Call it what you will. It was mine to bear, All mine.
And I see recently that he read my 1st blog. When in fact he had told me long ago that he'd read it then. Wow!! Did he find it ironic? That he had used the same tool to crush me as Master Gene had used then. My second melt down had began way back then with that first lie.
Months later I finally find myself surfacing from the blinding insanity that he drove me to. In these lucid moments I know without a doubt that I didn't do this to myself. I gave unconditionally and was abused with no mercy.
I have nothing real left to offer another. So now I've become a prostitute of the worst kind. I pretend just to survive. I smile because laying down and dieing isn't allowed. I breath because my brain won't let me stop.
And this Master? What does he do? He watches from the shadows and does nothing,
|
|
|
13
Comments
|
|
|
|
|
I Live Again!
|
Nov 27, 2009 10:41 pm
1981 Views
|
Some say, "Nothin's forever."
Not the wind nor the rain.
I say, "Ya gotta stay crazy
If ya want to stay sane."
Never say lonely,
Or, sing the blues.
People will tease,
The heartless will use.
Many things come,
So many more go.
But through each experience
We learn and grow.
Success begins with will.
Strength from the heart.
The stronger we become
Means there's less to tear apart. PONDERALL
|
|
|
7
Comments
|
|
|
Thanks!
|
Nov 23, 2009 2:19 pm
1837 Views
|
Thank you all for your understanding comments! They really lifted my spirits and made my day. The bad days are getting further apart!
Ponderall
|
|
|
2
Comments
|
|
|
MissMastered
|
Nov 18, 2009 3:50 am
2294 Views
|
|
Somehow, it seems to me that when a master decides to move on without the slave that has been so devoted, it is a time when none of the rules apply.Everything you've been tought and have lived by is meaningless. HOW can this be? You've always known that even in his pleasure everything was done for your good. You knew. There was no doubt. Then on the flip of a switch there is nothing from him. Nothing! He looked away and when he looked back it was through you. The chill, loss, emptyness is unbareable and this is still when your foolish enough to believe this can be fixed. Whatever it is. Whatever it is. Finally, your told something. It's not your fault. It just is. He doesn't want it fixed. He's already made up his mind. He's on to another life without you. NO! NO! Only days ago you loved me, I was worth it. How did this happen? How do I live? You can tell me over and over again, but it's a lie. It is my fault!! I missed something. Missread something. Missjudged something! Is it because I'm older now? Not supple and soft like the younger ones? Because I've gained weight? I'm not aggresive enough, responsive enough. Not exciteing enough. He was bored with me. Why Master didn't you tell me? Don't be subtle, Demand of me. Give me the chance to fix what I could. I would hold Lucifer at bay for you!Isn't that worth anything? Silly question. Apperently not. Your gone. I think that the one thing any slave deserves at this time is a written inventory of not just her assets and values. She probably knows what they are. But a detailed list if her faults and shortcomings. No matter how slight they might be. Out of her controle or not. Clear down to the lines in her face. It should be mandatory!! Cruell? No. Humane! All of those faults are reasons why he left. They would be comfort. Not my fault? My Master left me for no reason. I have nothing to dedicate myself to fix so that there is a small, small chance that someday he'll see me again. If this man that once loved me so much can't see me. How will there ever be any other Master that will. MASTERS, shout her faults. Be mercifal. Otherwise she'll die a painfull death inside. We all deserve better then that. "PONDERALL"11/9/09
|
|
|
6
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (ponderall) use [blog ponderall] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
152
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
|
|
|
Most Recent Comments by Others
|
