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The different ways I say no.
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Oct 4, 2011 11:51 am
4947 Views
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I was out with a girlfriend the other day, and as soon as I got in the car she had a story to tell me. The short version of her story was this: her and her husband were meeting up with another couple, over dinner they all decide to get a hotel room for a night of sexual bliss even though she herself could not participate for menstrual reasons, wife number two is game and the men are in agreement. My girlfriend then turns to husband number two and says: so you are okay with this? And he agrees.
In the room everyone is a bit star struck and no one has a clue how to get things started, till her husband suggested he take a shower with wife number two, together they go into the bathroom, leaving husband number two with my friend. Husband number two then becomes quiet, staring at the bathroom door as if it were on fire and turns to my girlfriend and says: I can’t do this, this doesn’t feel right.
She stands in front of the bathroom door and says ‘well you said over dinner this was okay’ and the man actually gets tears in his eyes. She takes him out for a coffee, the whole time this man is in a panic of what is going on back at the hotel - he is upset and freaking out - while my friend assures him this is what he agreed too. She parks the car in the CVS parking lot and says they should wait a while cause she is sure her husband is not yet finished. They get back to the hotel room some time later and this couple erupts into a shouting match, and my friend checks in on them a few days later to find that things are not going well at all.
Some people would laugh and call this guy a pussy - for crying, not busting down the door.
Some people, like D, feel he got what he asked for, after all he said it was okay.
Some people might feel horrified like me but I am unsettled for other reasons than the obvious.
Some people will remember how hard it can be to say no.
I have a million different ways I say no - each way depends on the situation I am in and my ever invested interest in etiquette. There are times when I can snicker and say No, there are times when I give a look, there are times I say nothing but turn my back and walk away and there are times when I am so fucking sweet about it, guys don’t even feel rejected. Saying no doesn’t have to be a bad thing, nor does it have to be taken personally - but it is hard to say.
Having a partner able to read these difference responses is important to me, and just as important for me to pick up on my partners queues. We entertain people in our home for a variety of reasons, and my role usually is the circus ring leader so like a hawk I am busy watching people. I missed out on some fun watching over other people - yeah I was the girl that held back my friends hair while she puked her brains out - others times it is my turn to not give a shit and hand over the watch tower to D. You can sure as hell put money down that he is not so laid back if this had been me as he seems to be with idea that this happened to husband number two.
My girlfriend, the first time I met her, she was here with her husband - he got naked in three minutes flat to ride a machine with me, the whole time she clung onto the door frame, freaking out, petting the fur off my weasel - poor Coco with her eyes bulging out from her little skull still hides when she sees her coming. The third time she mentioned the kids I tapped her husband on the shoulder and said ‘this is when you let go of my breasts, it is the third time your wife has mentioned the kids, I think this the point where you get up and get dressed’ yeah husband number two was my friend a year ago. Of course D is in the corner unsure why I give a shit at all. I just do - I never wanted to be someone’s bad experience, I am not just invested in kink for myself but for kink as a whole - and I am not about to talk someone into doing something they don’t want to do.
Some people would see this story as someone’s bad experience, a learning lesson, but personally I see it as my friends inability to say no to her husband. She didn’t go into that bathroom and put a stop to things, when she could have - that guy was upset and she knew that, it was their first time (not my friends and her husbands) , there is no good that can come from it, and though I wasn’t there I feel he was asking for her help, in his own way he was saying no but was unable to stop things… he didn’t know how, he didn’t want to ruin his wife’s good time either by saying no. Shitty story all around.
Have I ever put someone in a position where they were obviously uncomfortable? Yes I have it is what I am good at. Have I ever at their expense continued to do something they were clearly not okay with - even if they didn’t say no? Never. I am not about to police what people do in their bedrooms, I could care less about who plays what role in their own home, and I am the last person on this planet that should start handing out rules and regulations of the game to anyone. I can only say how willing I am to be complacent with the people I know - and I am unsettled by her behaviour and my association with her, so much so it will be a cold day in hell when they are back over here for any sort of group activities, and I removed her from my public friends network. It might be harsh, I know, but it is just another way I say no.
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You are the hanging chad on my ballot
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Sep 28, 2011 2:51 pm
4767 Views
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Image from How I met Your mother
Halloween Costume: A hanging chad
If you do not know what a hanging chad is - slap yourself.
Halloween is coming up.
For all your people that do not let loose the other 364 days in the year,
I get this can be a big deal for you.
Usually I have no problem coming up with something but...
D and I are going to attend a Halloween party.
I have never seen D dressed in anything remotely costume like,
Unless it is the superman undies I purchased for him,
Even then he only wears them on special occasions.
We are going with another couple,
It will be mostly couples there.
There will be a prize for best costume, of course,
And I am, as D is, very competitive.
What costumes come to mind?
For a couple.
We are not against being obnoxious.
Love the more obscure (the doppler effect has already been done) .
He has already said he will not be the back end of the horse.
I would like to make the costume myself,
So nothing purchased at the store.
Ideas?
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16
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Post it Note on the fridge
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Sep 25, 2011 10:55 am
4457 Views
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Sometimes there is nothing really going on - so I try not to force myself to manufacture a blog entry simply for the sake of it. I do not tweet or FB either, so I might not be tuned in to the actual desire people might have to know every time I pee, how light the colour of my pee was and if I ate asparagus lat night so today my pee smells real strong today.
I am reading and commenting, mostly reading, but things have picked up some. I logged on today and was able to go back two pages full of new entries. Woah hold me back!
Hope this finds you all well and in good spirits,
J
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3
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pedophiles get their own reality TV show in America ?
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Sep 21, 2011 3:57 pm
5850 Views
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Anyone else look at these two and feel
as if they just sat on their favourite uncle's lap
while he made kissey noises patting his knee
but instead landed on something stiff?
Come on America,this is just dirty.
In a bad way.
So wrong. So so wrong.
( though I did laugh when someone online suggest one episode they do carbon dating to figure out just how old she is - I don't even know who they are but I had to laugh )
Pic gooble of some 51 year old guy and a 16 year old girl.
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22
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Fall into creativity
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Sep 21, 2011 7:52 am
4066 Views
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I am a huge fan of the horrible movie - Killer Bees, Death Ship, Killer Party, A Bothered Conscience ect.
I am often left with an inspiration to make my own short bad movie, the sort where friends are called in for a part and paid with doughnuts and beer. I would like to find someone’s elbow in a shot or at best some mutilated language - I love it when the actors can not pronounce the word properly - struggle baby struggle!
I am also a fan of the faux snuff movies - even better if they are pornographic and know I could get my hands on some still warm red liquid matter but then I would actually begin to think too much about plot and something arbitrary like lighting. Not to mention how fast costumes can get out of hand - let us just look at what happens around Halloween.
This whole kink thing can become over run by such things, as if the accessory always makes the scene, though they can add to it - I can recall many times I pulled something out to use and it got overlooked at the time. Speak to someone with a shoe fetish and he can recall watching a woman unaware on a subway and the way she tied her boot laces. Talk to someone about those moments when it wasn’t about the production but more the creative instance something took place and that made it all the more magnificent. Sometimes I feel we think too much about perfecting something that has not yet had the chance to be horrifically wonderful.
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3
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A resomator, pro dominatrix and glow in the dark kittens...
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Sep 18, 2011 11:20 pm
4108 Views
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Things to read up on if you are so inclined.
* Introducing the Resomator. The device is filled with a pressurized solution of water and potassium hydroxide that is heated to 180 degrees Celsius. The solution breaks down the body in around three hours using a seventh of the energy of conventional cremation and mercury from fillings and metals from artificial limbs are safely removed during the process and prevented from entering the atmosphere, unlike cremation. The dissolved body tissues is flushed into the water system, the sterile waste contains no DNA and the family is presented with ashes from bone.
Yeah, I said the water system. Still not sure I am sold on this yet, but look for this option come the holidays near a crematorium near you!
* So a very successful female lawyer in NY for the attorney generals office who helped win a five billion dollar case AGAINST Bank of America for securities fraud, was suspended from her job for being a pro Dominatrix during her out of office hours. It was not her lifestyle choice that resulted in her suspension but the fact that contractually she was supposed to have the firms permission (agreement) when accepting anything more than 1 000.00 for work outside the firm. Though she was not secretive about her interests, she held her own public accounts on the internet using her Pro handle and image, it would seem a conflict of…
Wait a second. So a male lawyer can pay 1000 or three times that for a hooker but a female lawyer is not allowed to offer a service for money. Something seriously wrong there.
* Glow in the dark cats. They have been genetically modified to gain insight into feline Aids but take a look at the pictures, pretty freaky if you ask me and I just happen to have five little ones… oh come on! As if I could get my hands on GFB (protein produced in jellyfish) and make my kittens glow in the dark… however… this might increase their chance of finding a good home.
Humm.
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11
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Deep Thoughts by Pyx Poly
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Sep 6, 2011 9:55 am
4418 Views
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Sometimes I have to fight the urge to do the little sexual things I want to do I think he would enjoy.Waking up to a hot mouth on your cock can be a wonderful way to greet the day.
Waking someone up that way is terribly tempting… bringing them back from that hazy dream state, soft and warm, to a more vibrant and hard reality - leading to nice slow first thing in the morning sex and having that warm reminder in the crotch for the rest of the day.
Until you remember their combat training involved three different ways to snap someone’s neck,
with only their thighs,
and its hard to tell in the dark if they are having one of those dreams…
It is often just as good to greet the day with another pot of coffee and live.
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9
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Dispatches from the Chateau
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Sep 5, 2011 8:22 am
4118 Views
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I am knitting like a mad woman - kinky I know - but would be amazed to tell you that I had to purchase new knitting needles because the others mysteriously disappeared. Damon looked awfully sheepish but I know he isn’t knitting…
Mother fat cat finally dropped her litter. Five. Alive and healthy. The waiting was killing me and I am not looking forward to when they are mobile. Finding homes is on my to do list. Never taking in another stray cat is on my house rules sheet. Yes there is a sheet.
Wheelie - Lou my road cruise bicycle has a flat tire, which is too bad because today is great riding weather but can not take her down to get air because the bungee cords have also mysteriously disappeared. Again Damon looked awfully sheepish…
I have requested a peep show box to be built next - so I am prepared to find my spatula missing.
Hope you are well,
Mafalda Hopkirk
*Pic gooble
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Today we had ‘the talk’
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Aug 31, 2011 9:46 pm
4190 Views
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The best way to prepare for winter talk.
We are very proud of ourselves, we did well last year, and learned what we want to change this year. D attributes his six pack to some serious home cooking and a steady diet of splitting wood. Stop. Reverse that. I think at least four of the six pack has to do with the sexual deviant activities I force him to take part in - but I shouldn’t take credit for everything. He is a natural killer with an ax and works hard.
Strange talking about winter today when it was so hot out, the farmer that lives next door cut the last of his hay field, and till the sun set the sky was dark with feeding swifts. It was really something to see, while sitting in the comfort of our little home we are so proud of, thinking of a warm fires this winter and a new duvet - the plan is almost complete.
Almost.
I forgot one thing.
Something important.
anysoldier com : have your choice! Marines, Army, sailor, airmen, coast guard. Follow the where to send link and find out what exactly they need. Ladies, there are women overseas that are always in need of girl things imagine running out of pads or tampons. Eek.
adoptaussoldier org: I had some difficulty with this site but do not let it stop you!
Rush Limbaugh has his own adopt a soldier program as well - go to his site for information - I myself did not click on the link.
soldiersangels org: my favourite. While watching t.v can you knit a basic stitch and make a scarf? Can you sew? This site allows you to adopt a soldier and join teams that bakes food, makes items for wounded veterans and deployed working dogs! Everything from making cards, canes, blankets, crafts to care packages. They even have local resources for veterans support: driving someone to an appointment.
adoptaplatoon org: Individual support options include pen pal, just a letter once a week - that is like writing a blog! You can also commit to a letter once a week and one care package a month. Platoon or Company support via schools, youth groups, private companies - want a great social project for your kids? This would be a wonderful class lesson!
These are not dating sites. They do not even want your money - just your time. Yes you do have to commit, but no more than you can in time and or care packages. Thanksgiving is coming up as is Christmas - you can make a one time care package with your family and friends to soldiers over seas. Picking up some extra coffee, dollar store candies, and Raman noodles on sale and sending them to people who would probably like nothing better than to watch swifts fly by and have the talk.
I don’t like wars - I am always on the other side of violence or working to assist those that are caught in the middle but these young men and woman are there - parents send them care packages but they share it with everyone around them. The person that doesn’t get a letter… well it happens. I’ve seen it and they don’t want to hear nothing more than about the weather where you are, about your pets, and just the every day stuff they are missing out on.
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9
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Caution
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Aug 30, 2011 12:25 pm
4013 Views
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D: You have to be careful, there are some really freaky people out there.
J: Sweety, when people say that, they are talking about people like us.
*long pause*
D: you might be right.
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