my Dangerous Neighborhood

The mindless meanderings of what's going on in my head on any given day.

i am going to try this Jan 27, 2012 9:17 am
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not sure what i am doing. trying to set up a mailbox for anyone to leave a private message for me. Don't know if this is gonna work, guess i will see.
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Glad that is over May 24, 2012 7:57 pm
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No one died tonight so that's a good thing!!!!! Dad's wife is still alive! Amazingly enough she wasn't the problem tonight.

Dad let me pick the place that I wanted to go to dinner. Dad's wife is kind of a wine snob. So I tried to pick someplace a bit nicer than usual. No chain restaurant tonight. Decided to go to the italian part of town where the restaurants are called things like Cunnettos, Favazza's, Ragazzi's, Charlie Gitto's. Yeah, just a little italian. Great food and not so great prices but I wasn't paying.

I brought a friend along, Mary. I grew up with Mary, so we have known each other more than a minute. *grins* Mary is a bbw. First thing out of Dad's mouth is, "wife, this is Mary. Mary wasn't this big when she was younger." I swear I wanted to die right there. Of course I said something to him and he tried to cover it up but just made it worse. I felt so bad for her. I was embarressed to no end.

The waiter had evidently sent my Dad and his wife to a place to get a few drinks before dinner (they had arrived early) and to watch some bocce ball. Dad then proceeds to ask the waiter if he knew anyone that could break some guys legs for him. Seriously? WTF is wrong with this man?

Needless to say I could wait to get out of there. Dinner was fantastic though. The best food I have had out in a longgggg time! No blood shed and no one got hurt. Feelings got hurt which I feel awful about. The filter was definately off tonight for ole pops.

I am so very glad they only come into town about 3 times a year. Also glad that we are never invited up there. Life is good.
1 comment
Let's talk May 23, 2012 3:53 pm
362 Views
Hi everyone!!!!

So, I've been thinking (always dangerous) about some things, so I'm gonna spill.........this will be part funny and part serious.

First, let's talk about this business of me shutting down this nic. Here is where I am at with it. I don't know that i really want to do this. Why? Because then stalker wins. I can be stubborn, stubborn as a mule my mom would say. Yeah, my hackles are up (no not shackles - hackles) and I'm mad. But I won't run and I won't hide. Fahget about that. I'm here and I'm gonna stay. I won't allow some crazy to run my life from a computer half a world away. I will continue to report said stalker with every nic it uses and go about my business. So there

Second, let's talk about poison ivy. The stuff was gone because I took some steroids. It was on my legs and quite frankly, not pretty. Now, i haven't been over to the friends house to work in his yard since that day. I have washed everything in hot water, turned my cushions around on my sofa, blah blah blah. So please tell me how in the sam hell i have managed to get this crap on my arms. Up to my elbows. I am back on the prednisone. So it's somewhere in this apartment o mine. Shall i have a bonfire and burn this sofa? *grins*

Third, how do you tell a coworker that they smell like sweat? I don't want to be mean and say "girl, you stank. take a shower" but sheesh, it's bad. Don't want to bring her in some soap or perfume. Don't want to spray air freshener after her.

Fourth, let's talk about walls. This one has been perculating for a minute. I have built some pretty big ones up over the years. All fear based really. Fear of getting hurt so you can only get so close, then you got to go or that's as close as you gonna get. I used to think that I was afraid that if you really got to know me that you wouldn't like me. What it really is, is this. I'm afraid that if you really get to know me - you might just like me. OMG - then what?!!!!! You will like me. What a concept right? I have this really good friend you see. Almost pushed her away. Why? Because her and i are so much alike. She knows what i'm thinking and feeling and i don't have to say anything. Freaky right? Anywho, i almost pushed her away. Not sure why really. Too close. Feeling vulnerable, feeling exposed, knowing that she will call me on my stuff. Nothing at all wrong with that. Nothing.

So, we talked about it. Some of it is abandonment issues from me. She gets it. Wanna know something? She didn't go anywhere. Thank God! She is right here (well not here) with me. But she knows. She just knows. I am going to quit living "safe" and start taking chances. What do i have to lose? Nothing at all. I used to think that if you took the time to break down the walls then you must be something. Well, that's not really fair, is it?

Otherwise, if i keep this crap up - i'm not gonna find what i'm looking for and that's my sanity. *grins*

Thanks for listening.
4 Comments
what a day May 22, 2012 7:53 pm
655 Views
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this annoucement:

Today has turned out to be a pretty good day after all! I will say that today is/was my birthday and obviously it did not start well. I spent the day at work and emailing a friend that knows what i am feeling without saying it.

Then a funny thing happened. I am at work, doing my job, minding my own business when suddenly a client just looks me dead in the eyes and asks me if I am submissive. Well, after my face turned a nice shade of red, I couldn't deny it. Kinda hard at that point.

So, I will take my time and get to know her. Don't know that I will do anything with it but it's nice to know someone is interested.

Dinner with Dad, his wife, brother and a friend on Thursday. Should be interesting. Hopefully I won't have to kill dad's wife this trip. lol

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
3 Comments
Enough is enough. May 22, 2012 6:59 am
825 Views
Grumbles............I had one written all out and alt ate it. So here we go again. This is going to be a rant. I'm pissed off.

Short back story. Met someone online, things were good, then things went really south. Some horrible things were said. Simple is done. DONE. Finished. I have said no more. No more in a nice way. Told said person to fuck off. To no avail. This person is now sending emails, having others deliver messages, ghosting in chat rooms.

I have reported this person to alt for harassment. But let me tell you. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Leave it alone and move along. Go away. I don't want you. Got it?

That being said, I believe that I will be turning off this profile. Creating a new nic. If you happen to be one of this persons little messenger people, i will not hesitate to report you too. Got it?

Other than this, I am having a fantastic day!!!! How are you?
8 Comments
what is wrong with people - rant #2 May 19, 2012 9:45 am
1693 Views
Woman wants a pack of smokes.

Woman goes into gas station to buy them and gives the guy behind the counter her credit card.

Card is rejected.

Woman is pissed and yells at guy that she is gonna go get her boyfriend.

Boyfriend gets out of car, comes in a shoots the guy in the abdomen.

All over a pack of smokes.........$6 or $7. Shoots a guy.

*************************************************************

This past week here in the lovely city of St. Louis on the news was a story about some dogs being tortured. Someone found them in an abandoned building.

I won't go into details because it's pretty horrific. But dogs. Dogs.

There are a few things in this world that will get me riled up pretty quickly. That is if you abuse kids or animals. Neither can fight for themselves.

To me that just says you are a puss. Pick on someone that can have a fair fight. Let me do to you the same things you did to these dogs. In fact, let me get some of my friends to help me.
Lets see how you enjoy it then.

Bastards.

*****************************************************************

Ok, I feel better now. *grins*

Now the fun thing...........hold on. I was talking to a friend yesterday about firearms. Let me just say that they scare me. Scare me because i haven't been around them. Dad isn't a hunter, never has been. Dad didn't have firearms growing up, except for that old muzzle loader. (is that spelled right, molly?) I had an uncle that like firearms. I actually shot a 30/30 once. Totally missed the target. Then about 7 years ago, i shot a 9mm - missed the target with that one too.

So, i'm not good with them and it's fear. I don't know anything about gun safety other than just don't pick one up. That's safe, right?

So, i got this brilliant idea. (This should scare you!) I have another friend who has quite a few guns. He's pretty good. So, guess what I'm gonna do???? He is gonna take me shooting. Be afraid folks, very afraid!!!!

Hopefully i'll be able to hit the target. Not gonna go for the bullseye. I'll be happy with hitting the target. *smiles* i will admit i am a bit excited about this. Don't know when he is gonna take me, there is no hurry.
5 Comments
Friday ramblings May 18, 2012 7:50 am
2052 Views
Put on your seat belts because this one is going to be all over the place. *smiles*

First, I don't think I have made it a secret on this blog that I am in recovery. So for those of you reading that are also in recovery, you will understand this when I say this. I can go from sane and serene to crazy in .05 seconds. I can get all up in my head just that quick. I can get something stuck in there and run with it. To say that I can make a mountain out of mole hill is an understatement. I can make Mount Everest look like a bump (in my head of course).

Well, that is exactly what happened the other day. I got all up in my head. That dang place is really really a bad neighborhood at times. Here is the funny thing..........ready? I was talking to a friend who is not in recovery and she threw a recovery slogan at me. It was just what I needed and I chuckled. She was worried that she had offended me. Quite the opposite. It was the perfect thing to say at the perfect time. I love her for that. Truly!

Second, it helps if you actually press a button when you get in an elevator. Otherwise, you just stand in the elevator with the doors closed and you go nowhere. Takes a long time to go down a floor that way.

If you work in a doctors building and wear scrubs, doctors will at least acknowledge you. When you have street clothes on, they don't.

That people in the same building don't recognize you with street clothes on.

If you are going to be walking to your car and you decide to burp really loud, you might want to make sure that no one is around first. It's kind of embarressing.

What are you wearing?
2 Comments
Life is funny at times May 16, 2012 4:20 pm
2644 Views
and it's sad too. I blogged last week or the week before about butterflies and how there must be change coming my way. I will say that some change has been hinted that will be happening. I will also say that I am not sure what I am going to do about this. Pause and say a prayer that it will all work out. I won't go into it because it's not real important in the grand scheme of life. It's a change. *shrugs*

I have been on a Little River Bank kick lately. One song in particular. "Lady". A love song of sorts is how I hear it. Well, I listened to it today on the way home and it suddenly had new meaning. Thought I would share the lyrics with you all.

Look around you, look up here
Take time to make time
Make time to be there
Look around, be a part
Feel for the winter
But don't have a cold heart

And I love you best
You're not like the rest
You're there when I need you
You're there when I need
I'm gonna need you

A long time ago
I had a lady to love
She made me think of things
I never thought of
Now she's gone and I'm on my own
A love song has come into my mind
A love song
It was there all the time

So lady
Let me take a look at you now
You're there on the dance floor
Making me want you somehow
Oh lady
I think it's only fair
I should say to you
Don't be thinkin' that I don't want you
'Cause maybe I do

[Instrumental Interlude]

Look around, come to me
I have no answers
But know where I wanna be
I look around, play a part
I was born in the winter
And cooled by a warm heart

And I love you best
You're not like the rest
You're there when I need you
You're there when I need
I'm gonna need you

So lady
Let me take a look at you now
You're there on the dance floor
Making me want you somehow
Oh lady
I think it's only fair I should say to you
Don't be thinkin' that I don't want you
'Cause maybe I do
Don't be thinkin' that I don't want you
Lady I do

Makes me wonder..................is She out there somewhere?
4 Comments
to the mom's out there May 13, 2012 8:36 am
3622 Views
Happy Mothers Day to you. To all you fathers that play both parts, this day is for you too! Enjoy your day and hopefully your children will let you know that you are loved today.

As for me, I'm not doing much today. Laundry and some cleaning perhaps. A nap is in order, have a bit of a headache this morning.

What I really want to talk about today is my day yesterday. After my eventful morning, I decided to go take some pics. Photography is a hobby you see. It centers me. It's peaceful. I pour myself into the shot. I look for just the right angel. So a friend of mine and I go off the the botanical gardens. Nice place. I really wanted to go to a park. I do much better with nature than I do with flowers. Taking pics of flowers is just boring to me. I wanted lines, texture, curves, etc.

Off we go to the gardens. We are eating lunch there. It's a bit quiet around. People are with their mom's celebrating a day early. Here the two of us sit. Misfits at times her and i are. While sitting at lunch, I bring up a conversation I had with friends the night before. Some friends that can be quite pretentious and make fun of a person ever so slyly.

The conversation was about merkins. I have no idea what a merkin is so being the inquisitive one I am I ask. I don't believe the explanation I get. So, here are me and friend at lunch and this comes up. Being the two dorks we are, we then both pick up our smart phones and google it. Our response is to laugh like two 14 year old girls. Then said friend continues on to read how to apply said merkin. Which of course brings further laughing. We, at one time, had quite a few tables looking at us. Interrupting their peaceful lunch. woops. Lots of fun and we didn't care who was looking at us. It was harmless fun.

After pics, we went to a coffee house to enjoy the outdoors and to sit and relax. Nice tour bus pulls up and unloads. I'm thinking, wth............this is a coffee house! Great band. Unnamed Servant. U tube them. From Nashville. I liked them anyway.

After this, we both go home to shower and get ready for our night. We are going to go listen to another band. I don't like the looks of the bar that they are playing in, too crowded and most importantly, I'm hungry at this point. Well, let's just say that I get a bit cranky when I am hungry. We decide to leave and go get the cranky one some food. She suggests a little corner hole in the wall place near where we grew up that serves some pretty good pizza.

Off we go. Order our pizza. Sitting there having a nice quiet chat about our day. Laughing. Randy (random drunk fella) decides he is going to join us and sits down right next to me. Oh joy!!!!! I try to be nice as Randy decides that he likes me and begins to hang all over yours truly. I'm wondering where my back up is. I look at Mary (friend) as she sits there with a smirk on her face watching me. Again, I wonder where my back up is (molly?). *grins*

More friends decide to join us at this place They had been out that night. Nice couple. They (he) decides that we should have a threesome and yours truly (who happens to like the ladies) is just the "perfect" one for them to experiment with. Really? WTF is wrong with drunk people? Oh, that's right...........they are drunk.

We eat our pizza, I fend off Randy and no fists flew. I didn't even have to get real nasty. You see, I'm working on my reactions to people. Say what you mean, mean what you say but don't say it mean. Couple cools their jets on the threesome thing.

I'm exhuasted............merkins, pics, music, drunks all in one day!!!!! Phew!!!! Overall, it was a great day!

Today is a day of recovery for me and I don't drink. Enjoy your day today everyone!
2 Comments
You just have to laugh May 12, 2012 6:16 am
3688 Views
I was going to title this one "strippers" just to see how many views I would get............

You see, up until November of last year I worked in a strip club for about 1 1/2 years before that. I know that all you guys reading this are like - "Yeah, simple - cool job." A bisexual woman or lesbian reading this might be jealous too. Trust me when I say don't be.

I am not going to bore you with the crap that I saw, gawd did I see plenty. How did I get the job? I am single, I started going over there because it was something to do on week nights that wasn't a bar and the eye candy was nice. It got to the point that I didn't pay a door fee, nor did I pay for any of my sodas. You see, I was unemployed and didn't have a lot of money. The girls all liked me, I was safe. I wasn't like the men you know. *grins*

So they convinced management to make me "house mom." What that means is that I sat in the dressing room all night. I was mom, therapist and referee. Also........pretty dang submissive to these girls. Which brings about this post.

You see, they paid me - the girls that is. So I kiised (figuratively) a lot of tush. I did things for them. I sewed. I haven't sewn a day before I took that job or a day since I left. I would go get them food at McDonalds at 2 am if they were hungry. Guys, still sounding like a great job to have? lol

One night about a year ago, I had my list of what the girls wanted. I was on my way to MickeyD's. A bunch drinks, bunch of sammich's, etc. Well the peeps at McDonalds have five drinks in one carrier. You know - one right in the middle being supported by the other four. Iced coffee it was. Sitting there, precariously doing a balancing act. So, off I go back to the club, just a right, left and two rights and I'm there. Easy right?

No so much...........that left turn was a bitch. There went the iced coffee down in between my seat and the center counsul. (sp?) Well before I got back to work, my stereo is going in and out. Pretty decent system for a factory one I might add. All for the girls..............because they were hungry.

I take the food in, girl who had the iced coffee is pissed. Off, little ole submissive me goes back to get another one for her. I'm also ticked because my stereo is going out. I like my music, I really do. Get her drink, yada yada yada

I got the stereo fixed. It needed a new thinga-ma-jig that was under the passenger seat. What has been happening here lately is that I have to turn the volume button a bazillion times to get the volume to go up. I like my music loud sometimes when I drive. Other times - let's say at 7 am on a Saturday morning when you haven't had any caffeine, I like it quiet.

So I am on my way to breakfast this morning, enjoying the quiet. My stereo evidently thought I needed to wake up a bit because all of a sudden - my hair was standing on end and I was awake. Volume was up - way up!!!!!!!!!!! Dang near pissed myself it scared me so much. Good morning to me.

Then I got tickled. I started laughing. All by myself in my car. Thinking if someone saw me they would be laughing too, because it was funny. I jumped, I got scared..........I'm awake.
I'm laughing.

As I am now jamming, I pull up to a stop light. Guys in car next to me, our windows are both down. I'm singing along to the stereo (well, my ipod) to "I just had sex." Not thinking what I am singing for a minute or two, until I look over and see them both looking at me.

Again I start laughing and this time there is a bright shade of red to go with the laughing. That God the light turned green quickly.

How was your morning?
2 Comments

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