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Just Breathe ...
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Jun 23, 2011 9:25 am
1550 Views
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Night time is the hardest
The day is done ... dusk is thrown across the earth
Permeating the land ... lingering in the air
The shadows deepen, the world slows down
It is a time to be still and think
My chest tightens ... my breath catches
My once calm heart cries out
Glistening wet and shimmering tears
Slipping down my cheeks
So pure
That piece of me ... that precious piece
A whisper of what I had
It consumes me
I shiver and watch as the wind whips around me
In a spiraling frenzy
Heavy raindrops of pain mingle
With the flurry of thoughts and emotions
The occasional heart-stopping boom of thunder roars
Following the sight-stealing vision of lightning
The haunted whisper in my heart
The cruel shadows that tease
Dancing along the edges of my sanity
It drifts in, unnoticed ... uninvited
Looking up I see a quieter Sky of quickening twilight
Gentle cascades of retreating color
Not even the full moon and evening stars can compete
Higher, softer, tender clouds begin to flit across the moon's face
Like brushes of hope
I long to reach up to pull this quieter scene down to me
I carefully memorize the Sky above me and I step into the maelstrom
I smile
On the other side of this storm is the Sky I love, honor and cherish
The Sky who is always with me
For that Sky, I'd fight this unsettled weather
Breathe in ... breathe out
Just breathe
The sun rises and sets
And rises again
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The River ...
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Jun 21, 2011 1:05 pm
1555 Views
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I have often wondered why they compare love to a river. I think I know now. When you stand on a riverbank, you only see one of nature’s wonders on its way home. It is only when you fall in, that you find out how deep it is and how strong it’s pull.
Just like with love, the depth and intensity of the river often takes us by surprise, but once in, there is no turning back. Initially you may even fight the current, but soon you realize that the more you struggle, the more you tend to go under, until, eventually, you just relax into it and let it take you.
Sometimes the river slows down and you peacefully float along, in awe, captivated by the beautiful views, relishing in all the sensory sensations. During these times of relaxed joy, you don’t even consider getting out, for you never want to leave this feeling of happily drifting through life, not a care in the world, your heart alive with the endless possibilities, the adventure of being alive.
But sometimes the river speeds up but by then it is too late, it's impossible to reach the bank without help and we feel ourselves being carried away, often to exhilarating new experience ... tumbling down majestic waterfalls, falling into the deepest, most secret pools of our beings, discovering our world and learning about ourselves.
Often, it feels like we will certainly drown in the raging rapids when the river rushes through narrow cliffs, tossing us about, getting battered and bruised against the rocks, but it always slows down again, to gently meander through fertile valleys and breathtaking plains, on its way to the sea.
The river never forgets its destiny. It will always find its way home, back to where it was born, to once again become part of all that is, to find rest and just be, until one day, directed by the forces that rule our world, it will be courted back into the sky, to drift on gentle breezes or gusting winds to the highest mountains.
It's with me ... the longing is with me every second of every day. It's taking shape, finally clearly visible in the light. It's a love so beautiful and so pure, that it transcends time and space and reality itself – a love that will flow like a river, embracing the obstacles along the way as it flows through the valleys and planes, sometimes as smooth as glass and sometimes expressing itself in the wildest rapids or the most majestic waterfalls, finding its path through mountains and narrow canyons with ease, nothing on Earth able to stop the flow, as it steadily makes its way the sea, knowing its ultimate destiny.
Today I pray for strength and courage as the rapids throw me against the sharp, jagged rocks of the narrow canyons, cutting me open and leaving me bleeding and aching as I tumble and sink and splutter and gasp for air. Today I pray that the river will be kind to me and will smooth out again into peaceful flow, deep and strong and cool, along breathtaking vistas, with only the tiniest ripples sparkling in the bright summer sun.
I am aware of Your presence, I feel it within. It's a familiar presence, a comforting presence. It speaks to me, deep, deep inside, addressing my core being, comforting me. It tells me that no matter what, everything will be okay.
Today, I am afraid, feel weak and broken. I miss Your strength, I'm far stronger with it than I am without. I am struggling to stay afloat and am utterly lost without Your guidance. I love You with all my heart and I miss You desperately, Sir.
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For now ....
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Jun 19, 2011 6:02 pm
1289 Views
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When I sit down to write it is generally to pause for reflection. sometimes I speak of the past and lessons I have learned and others of the direction I am heading.
I have found myself perilously close to the cutting edge balance and trying to commit to living, to following my calling forward instead of existing and waiting eternally for the right moment when things will be easy. I know that it is not supposed to be easy, that no path moving forward can truly be an easy one.
I seek balance, but I know that it lies beyond simple plans charting safe courses to dreams. I have been trying to keep dreaming big, but I kept fearing that if I sailed too far out of sight of land I might be lost forever.
I know that I must find the strength in myself to break my own shell. Whether the world as it is now ends or not when I close my eyes must never be my concern. I already know down what paths I must walk to find the way through. My journey, and all I have touched while upon it, that is who I am at the end of all things. If I am true to myself then I will never stray too far from the path, even though it stretches out over uncharted seas.
To live is to cease being afraid of possible futures, to walk towards the light that others would say is impossible to reach. To survive is an endless exercise in striving to create and maintain a single set of probable futures.
There seems to be no limit to the analogies set forth in stories that seek to describe with inadequate words that which a slave feels when at the mercy of her true Master.
It lingers in your soul. From the first hesitant slip into a place where only your Master exists, and only His command reign. That subtle ethereal feeling as your body submerges into a feeling so completely relaxed. You become the marble with which He will carve out His eternal sculpture, the canvas on which His masterpiece is painted, and the page upon which His glorious symphony will be written.
The butterflies of hesitation deep in your soul as your body and mind scream silently for more and more. The pain is always exquisite. You learn to communicate to the one person in your world. Pleading words of need and ultimate trust while boundaries are crossed. This is it, this is the moment. The addiction that never truly ends. The desire that floods through your veins; a beautiful virus that burns through your body and eats away at your soul.
I want to make it perfectly clear that my former Master is and has always been a man of great integrity, a man I adore and trust more than any other, a man who knows me better than any other, and a man that I will cherish and honor .... always. It was He who helped shape me into the beautiful woman I have become and for that and for the gift of His ownership, I will be forever grateful.
I appreciate the support and well wishes in the numerous emails I have received over the last few days.
May yours dreams come true ... for now I must rest 
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Little Bird ...
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Jun 19, 2011 3:31 am
1399 Views
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The little bird’s heart fluttered uncontrollably as the huge form approached her where she was lying shivering in the cold snow. She was scared and in pain, the life slowly seeping from the gaping wound where the hunter’s arrow pierced her wing. Unable to fly she was defenseless against the harsh elements and the predators lurking in the shadows and all she could do was to wait for her fate.
She struggled in vain when the big hands lifted her from the cold and wrapped her in a soft, warm blanket and it was only when His heat permeated her ice cold body that she started to relax into His loving care. She was still scared, but she somehow instinctively knew that He was not going to hurt her. She trusted Him and knew that He would always keep her safe.
Once home He carefully cleaned and treated her wounds and gently placed her in a gilded cage, a safe place where she could heal. Every day He lovingly took care of her, gently tended to her injuries, nourished her body and just loved her and every day she grew stronger and stronger in His care and Ownership.
One morning He woke to the most beautiful bird song and He knew she was better. With Him, she had found her voice again. Over time her wounds healed completely and He knew it was time to test her ability to fly and to fend for herself again. He knew better than to want to keep her locked up in a cage forever. He had given her the tools and encouragement and she had His strength. He knew she belonged to the big blue sky and the wistful wind. The first time He left the cage door open for her to find her way out, she wasn’t sure what to do. She had grown accustomed to the safety of the cage and His unconditional love and she felt uncertain about the big world out there. But He understood and merely left the door open for her to find her way in her own time.
One day she heard the call of the wild and felt her heart responding to its voice. She tentatively took a few steps out of the cage, just to feel what it feels like. Realizing it’s not so bad, she took a few more and eventually jumped onto the window ledge by the open window. The cool breeze ruffled her feathers and suddenly she longed to fly again.
Her first flight after being confined for so long was as scary as it was liberating. She tentatively tested her wings and her abilities and found that she was completely healed and strong again. She was flooded with gratitude for this human who saved her life and gave her back her wings and thus, every time she flew off into the big blue sky, she did so under His watchful eye. She always returned to Him willingly, vowing never to leave His side. For with Him, she belongs. With Him, she is home. When she flies with Him, she soars.
Now, every morning He is woken with a sweet song and every evening she comes back to Him, to the safety of His unconditional love. She will always return to Him if He will have her, even if just to come and acknowledge the one who saved her life and selflessly loved her and took care of her until she could fend for herself again. All she wants is to make Him proud of what she has become. To once again, fly back into the comfort of His warm hands where she is loved, where she is safe, where her heart and soul belong. She longs to be His little bird so much it hurts. To land softly at His feet.
I love You, Sir ... my love, unconditionally and completely. I will always honor the precious gift you have bestowed upon me with your Ownership. I miss You desperately. You do have my trust, respect, adoration, loyalty and devotion. My wings are broken, I am unable to fly. Please help me heal once more so I can fly home to You.
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Resting ...
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Jun 18, 2011 5:43 am
1258 Views
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Inside of me everything has come to a halt. It is almost as if I am shutting down, perhaps to rest. I read the other day that rest precedes all miracles. I am hoping for a miracle. I am way overdue for one.
Faith in things unseen is hard. Not knowing is harder. Blind trust takes immense courage.
It is difficult to carry on running if you are exhausted and you have no idea where the finish line is. Many give up at this stage of the race. Not knowing that the end is just around the bend, has caused many to fall and stay down, unable to get up again ... just before the end. This is the stuff faith is made of. Carrying on, keeping the faith, refusing to give up no matter how hard it is and how tired you get. This is the time you learn that there is much truth in the cliché ... it is darkest before dawn.
It is okay if you stumble or fall along the way. It is, in fact, inevitable. The road is not always wide and smooth. The trick is how you handle the stumble and falls. How much you allow the aches and pains to slow you down. It is up to you how long you stay down after you fall or whether you get up at all. Life really is what you make of it and we have much to learn about life from nature.
All of life is constant rhythm, motion, movement. Nothing stays the same. But in between the perfect movements there are always periods of rest. I will sit here and rest for a while. Tomorrow is another day.
You have shined so much light on a big beautiful piece of myself that I hadn't known existed, and am very grateful for what you've done. I will always love you. I miss you. I ache for you. I am lost without you. I would give anything to change this. You Sir, are a man of integrity and I will always have enormous respect for you and uphold your honor.
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Destiny ...
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Jun 17, 2011 5:48 am
1156 Views
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Feeling the winds of change sear through me
Uncontrollable, frightening, intoxicating
Unsure of my direction and yet knowing my destiny
My soul whispers to me
Embrace your passions, release the spirit within
Hungrily, strongly, blissfully
Allow the senses to touch the heart
Escape the walls of solitude
Gracefully, serenely, lovingly
Embark on the journey of hopes and dreams
Surrender to the treasures of desire
Sensually, passionately, lustfully
I alone, have the power to listen
As the whispers become my entirety
In the dark of night ... a quiet hush of serenity
A way out from the cold and into the warmth
A guiding hand to help me follow
My spirit loved, fed, and thrilled
A gentle breeze pushing me through
Humbled by the power You possess
Safe in Your shadow
Strip me bare ... body, heart, soul and mind
Bare to the elements of Your will and direction
Exposed
Kneeling silently
My eyes lowered in obedience
Impossibilities ... now possible
In bare essence of total submission
My destiny is You ... my Master
Saintofsin
I offer you all that I am ...
Yours
Always
Love
Master
slave
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Pride
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Jun 13, 2011 11:54 am
1113 Views
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Being my Master's slave fills me with so much pride and I am completely dedicated to pleasing Him. As His slave my purpose is specific to Him, by His training of me and I willingly with unyielding and unconditional commitment follow his rules, lead, guidance and direction at all times.
My focus is direct and there are no questions or gray areas, I am strong enough in my mind and physical self to stay focused, to improve and to be of use to Him. When I am in a slave state of mind, my only purpose is to be pleasing for my Master and I am conditioned to do so by His command, mind, body, heart and soul and it is based on my love, devotion and desire to be all He needs me to be as we evolve in our dynamic. My Master has high standards and He encourages and challenges me to expand my boundaries and grow as a person. I'm constantly discovering new things about myself and He is opening my eyes to a whole new world. Without His guiding hand, I would still be that lost soul filled with confusion and a sense of emptiness.
I wear my Masters collar with pride and humility. I will be the first to admit that I need to work a bit more on the humility part. I am mindful of my place and it's the one I am happiest in. We share a relationship founded on honesty and openness. I have no secrets from him and this journey with Him is the most natural thing in the world.
It's a craving that must be fed, it's a real need to submit to Him and to make Him proud to own me. Because of my love for Him, I submit my feelings of vulnerability to Him. I know that I am safe to do so with His unconditional love and acceptance of me.
He seems to walk inside of my mind at times, knowing me better then I know me, anticipating my desires before they manifest, and giving me only what He feels I am ready to handle ... guiding me along and helping me reach my full potential.
I am filled with pride knowing I am owned by Him.
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Being Grateful ....
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Jun 8, 2011 1:09 pm
1091 Views
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You have the chance to learn something valuable today. Whether the day is peaceful or stressful, there is much you can learn from the living of it. Some people let life's lessons slip by unnoticed. Others take them to heart. Life offers its lessons to all. Life richly rewards those who accept and appreciate them. From every experience there is a lesson and something to be grateful for. From every person, from every situation. From every success, and even from every disappointment. There is something to be learned. Many of the things that bring you down are of your own choosing. You choose them because you assume there's nothing better, but there always is something better. Some of the things we struggle with take time and commitment to overcome. Once you do, you'll feel like you can take on just about any challenge, push past almost any limit.
The choices you make will make you who you choose to be. I choose to be grateful. With true happiness comes gratitude, and I could not believe how bleak my life really was until I found the meaning of true happiness. I searched for a very long time for something to fill that void inside me, looked outside of myself for years to mask the pain I was feeling inside, that question screeching inside me head: "Why are you different?".
I found gratitude though, and through that I found happiness. It wasn't where I had always looked, but it was inside me ... I just needed to find the One to help me discover it. I let go of that control that I wanted so badly over myself and I gave up my will. When I gave that to Him, my darkness went with it and I found reasons to be grateful. I became grateful for the things that might not matter to most people, but they suddenly mattered to me.
I am sincerely grateful for so much in our relationship, His love, His strength, guidance, acceptance, His trust and His control. Gratitude is crucial for growth within any sort of relationship, especially, one containing submission and control. I am grateful that He has the authority to control anything he chooses. Obviously I need to know what is expected from me, what the consequences are, and that it will be handled in a consistent way ... and I do. I am grateful that I got to a point where my will became aligned with the will of my Master. I don't make decisions out of alignment with the will of my Owner, more importantly I don't feel capable of doing so. My Master works to change behaviors and my ways of thinking so that I am aligned to his will ... always the perfect slave for Him. In my eyes, I am no where near being perfect, instead I focus on progress and making positive changes.
My Master is a treasure in my heart. I abdicate my being to Him. Succumbing to Him alone. Lovingly offering nothing less than my complete heart, soul, mind, body and spirit.
Thank you Master, for owning me
It is an honor to know that You want me as Yours
I couldn't ask for anything more
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Respect, Honor and Obey
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Jun 3, 2011 1:11 pm
1126 Views
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I've realized that in order for a slave to truly submit to her Master, a slave needs to have complete trust in Him. She has the trust that her Master will not let any harm come to her. She has the trust that her Master will always protect her not only physically but emotionally and mentally. She has the trust that He does not feel a need to weaken her. She has the trust that He has not tried to take her strength away from her, she knows that It is not a threat to Him, It is in fact, something He values in her. She respects her Master because He is an honorable person and worthy of respect. She obeys Him because He is her Master and she respects Him, not because of the consequences for her disobedience but out of the love and trust she has for Him and the control He has over her.
I trust His judgment without question and know that He will always keep me safe from harm. It means that I trust Him completely to be the safety net when He pushes me into the unknown. He is my voice of reason when I need it. Having faith in Him translates into doing precisely what He asks - even if seems scary, challenging or something I struggle with.
The loyalty and trust that flows between us is without a doubt part of the magic we share. He assures me He is there and never allows me to forget it. These things allow me to submit to Him. He does not hesitate to react if needed and is quick to remind me who I belong to each and every day.
Funny how it seeps into daily life to affect my soul, my every action. I feel a fullness of spirit today, more balanced and calm. It is indeed a wonderful gift, one that I am thankful for. Its empowering. For some, I'm sure it's overwhelming. For me under his control touches me in a primal way.
I will respect, honor and obey my Master, always! Not only because it's what is expected, but because it is what I genuinely want to do.
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What I Need ...
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Jun 1, 2011 11:27 am
999 Views
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Somewhere along the line my submission turned a corner and changed into something much deeper, much more elegant and eloquent. Something happened along the way to make my journey a path of deep realization of who I really am ... what I want ... and what I need. I can feel the strength of His arms as I am led on a path of structure and self discovery, holding me back when I tend to stray.
For Him I offer myself .. my whole self, nothing held back or closed, transparent and completely open. My thoughts are an open book honest and bare for Him to know me better than I know myself. My heart to be held by Him and cherished by Him, kept safe, protected, secure and held with His own. I offer my mind .. His to mold and shape as He sees fit, open to His approaches and thoughts, taking in all that He offers me. I offer my soul ... my deepest darkest secrets to be shared with Him and held with His own, knowing He will not judge me. My love ... for Him .. deep and all encompassing, deeper as time goes by. Willingly becoming His more and more with each passing day. I give my loyalty ... unflinching and honest. My devotion and my complete respect. I offer my total and complete surrender ... for Him to take me further, pushing and challenging me as He sees fit to make me a better person. I offer my honesty and integrity ... sincere and true and I trust Him implicitly. He seeks the best from me, that I be all I can, and this enhances all I have to give. I give my strength and my willing obedience that places me under His hand. He need not take, though that is the right I've given Him. My path of discovery has not been rammed home, but gently guided.
Just as a poet needs inspiration to write a masterpiece I need Him. Just as an artist needs a subject for his work of art, I need Him. Just as a teacher needs a pupil to mold into greatness, I need Him. Just as a composer needs a theme to create a timeless melody, I need Him. Without Him, my life would be empty of all inspiration. There would be no work of art for me to gaze at. No person of greatness before me. No timeless melody to listen to. My life would exist in shades of gray instead of vibrant colors. I would be less than whole. The greatest foundations are not built overnight. In honor of Him, His truths shall be my own. His hopes are now my dreams. In Honor of Him I shall submit fully, losing myself and merging with Him to complete the circle as it should be and is right. I will take pride in my accomplishments to Honor Him, be strong for Him. I will follow Him with an open heart, always.
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