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Oh dear
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Apr 9, 2008 2:14 pm
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I am not saying this kind of shows the mentality at work, but they've put signs up in the men's toilets telling us to make sure we flush the toilets...
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Party
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Mar 21, 2008 4:56 pm
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I'm on a blogging rant, obviously. After a week of being so tired I've been curled in bed by 8pm latest today has been just what I needed. I was asleep by 7.30pm last night, then awake from midnight for an hour or two.... and then a nice lie in this morning. Spring cleaning today, not just tidying but turning the rooms upside down to see what I didn't need. The things I had tucked into corners or under the bed that really needed throwing out. That and stuffing vitamins down my throat to combat the cold that decided to start coming out today (hence the tiredness I think) and then a delicious nap from being genuinely worn out from being busy. Such a lovely feeling! Feeling tired because you've done something and not just from the fact you've made it home from work!
Back a week to last Friday. Kay and I went to our first party. We've talked about it a long time, always being something that intrigued us in that nervous... we want to see what it's like but... do we really belong? What the hell do we think we are doing by doing this? At our age? So inexperienced, this is a world other people belong in, not us. Yet we kept coming back to it. Despite all our fears and insecurities and the ups and downs of various events we had gone to, the places we had felt welcomed or out of place. There is just something you cannot get away from you know? That kind of feeling inside that somehow its part of you. We've been to SWAMP and LAM and LFF and enjoyed the times in the markets. Sometimes we have felt a bit out of place as everyone knows each other so well, so its easy to feel like you are left out. It's not intentional, but sometimes you need to keep at it to make your place. There was also the whole thing about peoples expectations of you. Are you Domme and sub, friends, do you address the Dom/me, do you talk to the sub. I guess every location has its own conventions, the kind of people it attracts and the sort of lifestyle they live. Being inexperienced I know we struggled to read it a bit at some of those events so maybe felt more awkward than we should, not wanting to put our feet in it. Silly I know, but it works both ways... people making assumptions about us based on their expectations of the event. So we kept coming back to talking about going to a party. Somewhere we could be more relaxed, more ourselves. Then nerves would set in. Well, with a new couple arranging a party nearby and on a day when we could get babysitters we thought... OK we will try it. End the speculation. Go to a party at a time of our choosing and under our control. If we hated it, we could just leave and go home. At least we would know then.
Personally... I was terrified. It was a fetish night. That didn't bother me. Seeing people dressed up in various getups... The nights in the dungeon at Thunder put my mind at rest about whether that sort of thing bothered me. It doesn't. It feels entirely natural, as does being dressed up myself. It's just another way of expressing me... So I wasn't bothered about that - or about things I might see or hear. Maybe I am just odd but... I remember at Thunder thinking I might be squicked at any form of piercing or needle play (since i am personally squeemish) - but yet... when I saw a lady having needles through the tops of her arms and then ribbons run around them, all I could think of was how beautiful she looked and how beautiful the pair of them were in the space they were caught up in. No, I wasn't worried about that, it was just the sheer fact it was a party! I am SO not a sociable group person. I've never voluntarily been to a party. I freeze in horror at the thought of being placed in situations with lots of people I don't know. Hell I worry enough sometimes about talking with people I do know... It takes me a while to warm up and feel comfortable with people and relax. But we were going together and in the same boat. I had called the people organising it the week before and they had been really nice.
We deliberately took our time getting dressed up before we went out, rather than getting changed there. This was mainly to make it more of a giggle for us, so we felt comfortable when we got there. I wore leather thong, leather corset, matching boots, tail and fishnets. Ignoring the whole unfortunate incident with the dog going for my tail (hey its my tail! leave it alone! It's the only one I have!) and the deplorable attempts of my parking... One plus point of a corset is you have to breath regularly so it's hard to stay panicked, so I felt strangely calm when I went in. I have to say they were incredibly friendly. One of the organisers met us as soon as we had gone in and they were so sweet. She said she had been wondering where we had got to and hoping we were going to come. She offered to show us around and then show us the changing rooms. Ummm I am a tart so I stripped off my jeans and t-shirt and put on my boots there and then in the corridor. Wellllll if we are going to wander round around and see everything then you want to feel comfy don't you? The venue was great. The people really friendly. Generally everyone was pretty accepting of whatever reasons everyone else was there. Very little sign of looking down on anyone elses tastes. We had a few moments when we were sitting there thinking "ok why are we here" but I think we talked each other through that, and that's just our.... inexperience with social occasions as much as anything I think, not that it was a kink event. There was a great demo on tens and on violet wands, both of which I enjoyed thoroughly (even if it got a bit hot and smokey in that room!). We enjoyed wandering around and decided that well... maybe we would play a little in one of the rooms. This basically involved me being spanked or flogged on the ass and losing count and ending in giggles. Hey, I am not very good at counting... It was kind of a nerves thing as much as anything, a wanting to do something so we enjoyed it for us and didn't go away thinking "oh if only" or that we had been too shy or scared. It was an odd thing. Nice but odd! I know I wasn't in the right place for any sort of head space, so it was purely a physical thing (which is nice enough). It's an interesting experience when you are bent over, your tail is glowing in UV light in the dark and people walk into the room and stand quietly and watch.... People were very respectful though. I hope they weren't bored at what we were doing as people didn't stay long! One did quietly point out to their companion that they could see the red spots appear on my ass and welts start to form. That was kinda... nice. Well actually it was really neat and quite a turn on, heh. More so than the first time someone walked in and I just ended up in giggles. We left sometime after 2am both very glad we had gone.
The next day I was on my own for most of the day and kind of crashed. I slept in and didn't get out of bed til 2pm. Lots of bad thoughts. I replayed every word I had said. Finding fault with it. Things I had said. Things I should have said. Just pointing out to myself how socially awkward I can be... Ugh. Silly I know. Critiscising myself that I hadn't been in any sort of headspace, that in some way I had cheated Kay by not being able to be... I was avoiding getting up whilst anyone else was in the house. When Kay's eldest got up to go to work I kicked myself and got out of bed and took my mood out on the kitchen. Scrubbing and scouring all the cupboards and walls for a couple of hours (hence the scuffed nail polish) and getting the generically manic nervousness out of my system. That feeling of not wanting to face people. I have to admit it worked, and rather than feeling really down and itchy and antsy inside it got it out my system and I felt a lot more peaceful by the evening and a lot more realistic about my views of the night before. Yes, I had been quiet. Yes I could have been more talkative, but that's me in a situation like that. I had gone, I had had fun, I had not run away from the situation for fear of how it might be.... In honesty, one even early in the evening DID make me defensive so it wasn't surprising with that and the pre-emptive nerves that I was uptight and not able to "feel submissive". Someone had asked me if my tail was on my thong or anally inserted as they had all been wondering then asked me what "i was into". That threw me somewhat, having to define myself like that... so I said I was a puppy. I thought it sounded kind of lame, but Kay says I said it with a nice smile on my face. It just made me a bit self-conscious, as there as almost an.... aggressive tone in how they asked. So yes, I was a bit defensive, but I stayed, I had fun, and no I wasn't cheating or pretending to be anything other than I was.... thank heavens for those cupboards and getting the manic edginess out the day after.
So thankyou to the lovely people who we met that night and who made us feel so welcome and for running such a lovely venue.
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!
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Mar 21, 2008 3:32 pm
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Talking of fond memories.... I caught the end of Airplane! on tv earlier today. God that movie is still so funny, it should have dated so badly but it hasn't. I will never forget the increasingly paranoid looks on Lloyd Bridges face!
Me? I will just settle for having a drink problem... and don't call me Shirely.
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Fond memories
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Mar 21, 2008 3:29 pm
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I was talking to a South African friend tonight about comics. It was one of those weird turns of conversations that start off and go on tangents. They had been interviewing Alan Moore on the BBC news website and it fascinated me when it said he still lived in a 3 bedroom terrace in Northampton just like the one he had grown up in. One of the greatest comic book writers in history and so grounded in his roots. Anyway, from that I was flicking and started looking at the costumes for the watchmen movie (purrr at one particular one) and then I whinged loads to him about how it could possibly completely destroy one of my favourite stories and one which (imo) resparked off the whole comic genre again... Anyway I am biased, I like it a lot. Oh yes, after oggling PVC leggins and suspenders we talked about Terry Pratchett (they were advertising the TV version of the Colour of Magic on TV). It really is a small world as despite being in different countries we had both met him at book signings (kinda nice that, like one touch removed via a common connection).
Anyway, I have very fond memories of a trip to the Forbidden Planet in London for a signing. We were early so we were wandering around downstairs, looking at books, when we saw this guy in a hat talking to one of the staff members. It was of course Terry Pratchett. No one else seemed to recognise him, he was just mooching around undisturbed and we couldn't help overhearing. He wasn't overly keen on doing the signing in the shop. Too small. Too crowded. No alcohol. He had seen a nice bar around the corner though... They did. They took over that bar for the afternoon. It was supposed to be an hours signing but he must have been there for 3hrs+ signing and making sure everyone got through. No just closing up shop when the time was up. Others may have had a celebrity fit and said that was it... but not he sat through and said hi to everyone that came by. Chatted. Was friendly. Didn't just mumble and sign, he said hi. He asked names. He wrote personalised dedications in every book. He even recognised us from another signing and which book it was. When you consider the thousands of people he must meet every year. Its such a delight someone that so truly loves their audience and celebrates with them... Truly truly one of the great eccentrics and gentlemen of our time.
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Family teasing
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Mar 21, 2008 12:38 pm
289 Views
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I was a good boy on the way back last Sunday. I've driven past the motorway turnoff to my sisters on the way back from Wales countless times in the last 6 months but not popped into see her. My excuse is its normally it's either 6am in the morning or 9pm at night, so the kids might not appreciate me popping in for a cup of tea... Well they might, but their parents might not.
So I phoned before I left and arranged to pop in for half hour for a cup of tea. I made sure I got the kids all worked up before I left, just in time for my sister and her bf to try and watch the Grand Prix  . My sister of course spotted my half chipped off nail polish (I'd put it on for the party but hadn't any remove to take it off) and commented on it and pointed it out to her bf. I had to laugh, she asked if there was something I needed to tell her and that she was going to tell my mum. I just told her it was a fancy dress party and she was just jealous as she didn't get out enough and I was making up for lost time...
I know, shocking. I should have touched up my polish before I went home!
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Lessons learnt...
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Mar 20, 2008 5:02 pm
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Kay and I went to our first "party" last Friday night. We were kinda nervous so we took our time changing before we went, to make it part of the giggle and so we felt comfortable when we got there (rather than then spending another hour trying to struggle into corsets, etc).
Playing dress up was really neat and we had a good giggle at it. Kay's eldest (who loves corsets) gave us the final eeeeeeeeeeeeek pulling tight and tied them to make sure we weren't wussing out (well I claim we weren't wussing out, we just dn't have the same kind of ummmm brute strength as a 20's welsh lass  ).
I haaavvvvvve learnt several things though from this experience.
1. I'm a dress up tart (ok so that's not really a new thing I've learnt, I kinda knew that one anyway).
2. Tighter is better.
3. Sitting down into a car with a corset on is "interesting".
4. Getting out of a low car with a corset on is even more interesting.
5. Sitting on a tail whilst driving is not the most comfortable position in the world.
6. Don't even think what it looks like to have a tail stuffed down your jeans.
7. Don't change into a tail with dogs in the room. One of her dogs (which has a tendancy to grab the tail of the other, to playfight) decided to do exactly the same to mine and hang on til it was dragged off... repeatedly.
8. Parallel parking in a corset is is ummm hard. Very hard. Well that's my excuse and I am sticking to it. After my 5th attempt trying to reverse parallel park (in different places) and with Kay nearly wetting herself laughing I finally found somewhere I could drive straight into.
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Yawn
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Mar 20, 2008 12:12 am
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I don't know why but this week I have been really exhausted after work and generally tired all the time. I've got in and by 7pm I've been wiped out and not wanted to do anything I'm hoping the long easter weekend will break me out of this weariness and apathy. Maybe its empty house syndrome again, now that I don't *have* to do anything after work. Dunno but its annoying.
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Money Money Money
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Mar 20, 2008 12:06 am
245 Views
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Swiftly (and I mean very swiftly!) moving on I'm pretty pleased with myself. I tend to avoid looking too closely at my finances. If no one is knocking on my door demanding things that's pretty good. I know I am not getting a payrise this year though so for once I did sit down and go through my bank statements and credit card statements to see what I could rationalise. By killing a magazine subscription here, an uneconomic life insurance policy there, a few other things and finally by not taking an upgrade on my cellphone but dropping it to a "SIM only" tarriff and lowering the minutes I've managed to scrape back about 65 pound a month. Pretty chuffed with that!
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Ummmmm oooopsie
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Mar 20, 2008 12:05 am
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OK. I am not going to admit that after reinstalling my Vista laptop (btw I think it did pretty good, that installation of Vista lasted just over a year) I then decided to reinstall itunes and tomtom. I am then not going to admit I plugged my SatNav (tomtom) into my PC in order to do a firmware upgrade and get the latest maps. I am then not going to admit I sat there for twenty minutes fiddling with cables, rebooting and reading the online help to try and find out why it didn't recognise my tomtom but just hung. With those things not being admitted there is no way in hell I am going to admit that I finally realised I had the USB cable plugged into my desktop and not the laptop I was using.
Please please please please don't ask what I do for a living...
*goes off to hide*
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Visitations
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Mar 14, 2008 3:45 am
246 Views
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I was a bit nervous this time of my landlady coming back for her six monthly visit for medical checks. She brought her bf and her mum back for the trip. In a two bedroom bungalow thats suddenly a lot of people! I am really not that used to having people around in "my" space and I know I was more than a bit uptight about it the last week or so.
I did my normal rushing round trying to get the house tidy and the back garden presentable. I wasn't quite as manic as previous times. Quite as insistent on it being perfect. I got to the point where I thought this is my home, if not my house, and if it's tidy and clean and I am happy to live here then thats enough. I didn't move the boys toys, just stacked them neatly. I didn't re-arrange things from how was convenient for me. I didn't disrupt how I live in the house just for the week. That was a good thing I think and I relaxed a bit more when I had come to that decision mid-week last week.
Probably quite a big thing for me actually despite being such a small thought. Not doing things to please someone at the cost of myself. Something I still struggle with the balance of. The house was tidy though and midweek this week my landlady actually said to me thankyou for it being so tidy, she appreciated it. This was probably the first time I've heard her say thanks like that... and it was lovely. I know she thinks it, but it is rare for her to be so unguarded as to say something. The evenings have been different but nice. A little time chatting when I come in from work, having a coffee with her and sometimes her bf too. Retire to my room for an hour or two to unwind and get some space on my own, just sitting quietly. Then dinner with her bf as her and her mum probably ate earlier. Then some more time just chatting, doing things like trying to get her new phone sorted out til its coming upto my bedtime. Then off to bed to again to relax on my own, before sleep. Quite a good balance of sociableness but not giving up my own space. More balanced.
I thought this was going to be a really bad trip. So many people. I thought she would be irritable and picky because of having so many people underfoot. I knew she was dreading the trip. Instead, despite her saying she is hating it and its been her worst trip back.... She has seemed her happiest in a long long time. Huggy. Silly. Chatty. Flirty. I was trying to work out why. Maybe talking with me is something new and outside the people she see's day in day out. Maybe its because this time she is feeling well again whereas the last two she has been pretty poorly and stressed. Maybe its because with a full household she is tied down and can't do her normal rushing round and trying to be everywhere and do everything. She has had to sit and stop and thats made her less rushed and driven. I don't know, but I know I like this version of her and it's been a pleasure having her here. Now can I have my house back *grins and winks cheekily*.
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