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RIP Michael Crichton
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Nov 5, 2008 12:56 pm
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Jurassic Park, Timeline, Disclosure, Rising Sun, all great novels. I loved the andromeda strain, it was one of my favourite films as a kid even if it was hard to read at the time, but he certainly learnt the importance of characters in novels and not just the science. He started to get preachy, and take "a view" but even then I found it challenging even if just to go "what do i think?" it is a shame and he will be missed.
He was one of the authors i would go out of my way to buy in hardback just because i knew i would get a good story no matter what else.
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A new era?
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Nov 5, 2008 10:59 am
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I am really pleased with the result of the US election. I've always had a great love for America and it's people and I think this is a very important time for them. Obama seems a man of integrity and I hope he lives upto the promise. America (and the world) needed a change and I think this was the best chance going.
Above all though I am so glad of the decisiveness of the victory. I hope this brings a new sense of unity to the USA (and a much needed one). I was fearful it would be a close run thing and lead to years of picking at it, or what ifs, but no... this was a clear voice and I hope that is remembered and everyone gets behind him. It is... can be... a great country and many of those are love most dearly are from its shores so I have a terrible soft spot for it (ok and quite often a hard one if you want to get technical) and a renewed sense of hope that things can change.
Congratulations and good luck, to us all.
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Update about Nan
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Nov 5, 2008 10:16 am
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A quick update about Nan.
The nursing home she is in has been struggling with her, she spends half her time wanting her parents and the other half shouting or being disruptive. They have been treating her for a water infection hoping it may help but she has been too disruptive for the staff and other residents.
Tomorrow they are moving her (which is a shock as it was looking like it was going to be months of paperwork and hassle) to a side ward at the local hospital to play around with her medication to see if they can get her to a stable mental state, or at least one where she isn't violent and shouting all the time. If they can, they are keeping her room open at the nursing home for now, if not, they will find her a place at the local adult home for mental disturbances. Mum visited over the weekend and found it incredibly hard so I have to say this is a "good thing" as it must be as distressing for Nan (as much as she understands). Mum is a little happier as she has found out that Nan would get a private room if she ends up in the other place. Its very sad, but lets hope they can find a combination that will make Nan more peacable without turning her into a complete zombie.
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The wall
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Nov 5, 2008 10:02 am
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Ugh that was unpleasent. Just when I was beginning to think "I don't feel too bad" I hit that viral fatigue I have been getting the last few days where it feels like I hit a brick wall and can't move or lift my arms or...
This will be why the nurse at the doctors this morning told me to rest, rest, rest, and don't even think about work.
She said my throat was very red raw and inflamed, but no signs of a bacterial infection which is good, so rest.
"She said I had an acute viral infection, I said why thankyou, I'm told I have a cute ass too, want to see it?"
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I can't think of a title
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Nov 5, 2008 3:55 am
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I didn't get to write last night, I had a splitting headache from lunchtime onwards and it didn't go all day. By time it came to call SR and wake her up I was already in bed with the light off ready to go to sleep. I think I managed to mumble a "good you are awake" and that was about it.
I even (don't laugh) managed to lose my car in the carpark. I was very frazzled after my first counsellor appt for ages and parked my car in a hurry, forgot to pick up my work laptop from the boot and promptly forgot where I parked it. I must have wandered up and down for about ten mins pressing the lock button waiting to see a car flash.
Doh! I had forgot to pay too... but (thankfully) i think they didn't check the car park, so no fine. I hope none come in the post!
The counsellor was hard work. I came very close to crying, I know my eyes teared up a lot, but I couldn't let go enough to cry, I just can't in front of strangers. Its too hard. It was painful as I went through the things that hadn't gone so well in America and the aftermath of it, the panic attacks, etc, it was hard talking about it to basically a stranger but a relief too. It shocked me just quite how much some of the bad feelings cut through me so quick, even though rationally in my head I know why's and should haves and would do's, some things just take time to heal when they cut into old old old wounds and fears. Echo's of previous pain I think. When new events slice into scabbed wounds and you react over and over again from things throughout your life, not just the event in question. It takes time. It takes learning new ways, and I am grateful for the help in learning new ways of dealing with things. I was also grateful for her pointing out some of the things I have learnt from this and been determined to do differently in the future. That helps.
I did however manage 16km on the exercise bike whilst watching monk, god it felt like hard work. Harder than Monday. Lots harder to make it to the same amount. I was glad I made it though. I am really getting into Monk, since I've started watching from the beginning, I know I enjoyed last nights episode even if my mind is so blank at the moment I haven't a clue what it was about *sigh* I hate being ill.
Hmmm an obsessive compulsive anxiety freak with an overrationalising mind. I have no idea why I identify with him at all....
Yummy dinner afterwards, I had a two piece thing in the fridge still, a spicey tomato cooking paste and garlic and herb salad dressing, they come together so I made a hot chicken salad and it was really yummy. I had only managed about 2/3rds of the salad sandwich at lunch before my throat hurt too much so I really needed that.
*long pause where i try and remember if i got the shopping in from the car and if i did if i put it in the fridge and then hunting to find what i had done with it as i couldn't find it* ok i really really am not very with it, am i?
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Trying to get into a routine
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Nov 5, 2008 3:55 am
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First post after being sick last week. The cold turned to a fever which turned to aches which turned to general ickiness and very little getting done. The fever has gone and now just a really annoying sore throat and cough and lots of weakness. Never a particularly good spot to look at life but then again it really is only up from here.
So tonight, start trying to put some routine into the evening, first by some exercise so i setup the laptop so I could start watching Monk from the beginning, one episode a night and use the exercise bike through it. 16km's on it as I got stopped by some things but not a bad start considering I was about ready to collapse at lunchtime. Then some vegetable soup since I didn't feel like anything heavier but it was definitely warming afterwards. After the fruit and yoghurt for lunch I am kinda glad I managed to get down me at lunch it finished me off nicely  .
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Saturdays party
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Aug 5, 2008 10:47 pm
367 Views
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We ummed and ahhhed about it in the afternoon between being tired, worried about the dog, and uneasy feelings but also not wanting to cop out. We talked about it, about the party we had planned to go to and our concerns. One of them was when we drove past the place it really was a bit close to where K lives. Like about 2-3 miles. Whilst we had heard of this party before in previous incarnations we hadn't heard really anything about it since it reformed and moved venue to a private house and didn't know anyone else that was going. So two factors. Very close to home and no real feeling about the who and hows. Now, we were very much in the mind of "we can go and if we really don't like the people then get an emergency and have to go home" since we had nothing to prove. But... being that close to home might have more complications if K ran into people she knew, or ran into people afterwards that we were not keen on. This kind of made it harder to go "it doesn't matter if we don't like it/them". For me it wasn't so much an issue, I live 100 miles away, but I remembered the discussons with Ma`am about taking things slowly even if you just want to do everything NOW. Think through consequences. So sensible heads, we talked about it and thought ok, this is a monthly (we think) party, we will try and find out more about it even though its likely to be months and months before babysitters line up again.
There is a weekly house party in swansea* on a Saturday night. It's more swinger but the first Sat of the month is supposed to be more BDSM, TV, fetish friendly/focussed though we knew it still is very swinger orientated. We had met the couple that run it when we were at the Clink several months back and they were really nice, and met some of the other people that helped. They were basically nuts but in a funny nice way. So would be fun to be around whatever. Further than we wanted to go but, it would be safe and a nice night out if nothing else. So I rang up and added us to the guest list.
I drove us there and then when we got there, my Sat Nav was on and K had the Sat Nav on her phone turned on and they were arguing with each other about the way to go, so we went round and round in circles (the roads we wanted to go up were now no entry...), so I got her to ring them and she gave me instructions. It was a good ice-breaker as it was like being talked down to land... left, right, no other right.... why arent you at the junction yet. I know it made K feel more comfortable as she could tak to the girl on the phone and pick on me about why wasn't I going faster. I hate night driving at the best of times...
We got there, recognised the owners and got the tour. It ws good as we were laughing, so that kinda helped the initial "god what are we doing here". One room as a bar with a little dance area and music and a pole for pole dancing. A pool table. A relaxed room. The kitchen. Upstairs a lockable bedroom with bed and massage table and kneeling stool thingie. A dark orgy room (all bed in the dark). A "playroom" with St Andrews Cross, gynae table, cage, blackboard for "naughty school" role play. Fucking machine. Then upstairs from that two more bedrooms which were open which had beds and sex swings, with spanking stools in them.
It was kinda an ummm ok sinking feeling when we were showed around, all the regulars were on holiday so it was all "new couples", I think about 3 + us, and then a couple of single guys, and then 3 girls and one of their bfs and the owners. The owners were in leather. The helpers were in various kinky sexy outfits but out of all the other people... the single guys were in white shirts and trousers... one of the couples women had a see-through kind of black dress on but then the rest could have been going out to a club. One had jeans. So ummm yes, I kinda thought "well I will stand out". I went upstairs and changed and K helped me into my corset. I decided against my tail as I just didn't feel comfortable at wearing it with this sort of crowd. I ummed and ahhhed at the stockings and heels but thought screw it, I came to be me, so I ended up in the laced leather thong, leather corset, fishnets and heels and my tan leather collar. So yes... I am guessing I stood out quite a lot but I felt quite proud walking back down the stairs like that, cos I knew "well you may not understand me because you are probably here to just get laid, but this is our party and we will enjoy being able to be ourselves even if its not you."
We spent some time making cups of tea and went and sat in the pool room watching the helper girls play pool and laughing at them as they were just nuts and taking the piss out of each other, then we played a game before wandering into the bar room (heels, corset and bending over a pool table do NOT go). To be honest we just sat talking to each other. The other couples were all grouped up as they had got their earlier and were looking for something completely different than we were... but it was nice to sit and talk and say hi a little to the owner when he came over and made sure we were all ok. Kinda had to laugh. We came to a public party and did what we normally do, just sit and talk to each other and enjoy being around people but not have to really join in. The bar area cleared out. I don't know if they went into the kitchen or one of the bedrooms. So K dared me to swing on the pole. I tried it once and nearly killed myself as i swung the wrong way and my grips not strong, so after more daring I took off my heels and tried again and nearly dislocated my knee... so ummm no. It had interesting connotations though so she took a pic on her phone of me by the pole and I tried to kinda do some wiggling. I really am NOT very fluid when it comes to moving or wiggling, I am so self conscious but I triiiiiiied and thought well since we are alone I could get a little suggestive so I started using the pole to hold onto and then bend and push my ass back at K, wriggling my bum and then standing up and walking round the pole then back again, lowering myself onto my haunches so she could just see my back and bum going up and down and my thighs stretches, then holding the pole so I could actually start pushing my bum against her as I went up and down, rubbing it over her breasts and tummy through her corset and then against her crotch, forcing her legs wide. So yes, I basically did my first lap dance against her being deliberately provocative. It was fun though really embarrasing at first as I was sure I must have looked really daft and didn't know what i was doing. Bloody hard work though...
That must have taken us to about 12.30 so I asked her if she wanted to try out the St Andrews Cross cos I know she has always wanted to see me on one. We went and got my rucksack and I laddered my bloody new fishnets by catching it on the zipper. Annoying, I had litterally only just bought them *sigh*. We went upstairs but the door to the playroom was kinda half pushed up and K was too shy to go in there when someone else was in there so I didn't push it and we went upstairs to one of the top bedrooms. It had the swing in it, so she told me to try it, so I did, and then explained to her what it was for, that like well... the lady lays in it and then she can well umm swing onto someone and it takes all the weight off her and less effort for him. I asked her if she wanted to try it, and she did, and said ohhhh its comfortable, so I lifted her skirt and rubbed her with the palm of my hand as well, it was kinda exposed. She seemed comfortable so I took first one leg and slipped it through the support strap and them slipped the other through the other side, so her legs were supported spread apart as well as head and body by the swing so she could just relax and not have to hold a position. She was happy and relaxed so I went to my bag, took out the pair of cuffs she has that I brought with me just in case and put them on her wrists above her head, so her feet couldnt move because of the swing and her arms could move but her hands were together and just resting over her head. I took out the lovely purple dildo, put a condom on it, some lube on it and on her (easy as she was umm exposed so easy to pull her thong aside), rubbed a little with my fingers and then just pushed it straight in 3/4 of the way. I know a bit vicious and rough but, well, I kinda had a feeling from the fact she was being so compliant and relaxed that the lapdance had had the appopriate effect and now what was needed was some firmness. I wasn't disappointed as it went easily in and got a moan and groan. So, i just held it there and rubbed around her clit while she wriggled and then started to just move it slowly inside her knowing she really wasn't going to argue about anything now. A little thrusting, a little teasing of her clit and then I reached for the baby CBT flogger in the bag. This is a neat little fun flogger she has which is only about 4 inches in little soft strands, so very easy to control. I started flogging the sides of her inner thighs which were exposed and under her legs and then moving back to around her pussy, then directly over where the dildo was sticking out, using the flogger to strike it and make it jolt inside her. To strike the lips. To whack repeatedly fast, just with the tips and then again with the flats across the bottom of the dildo. A few hard, sharp strikes then softening, moving back up the inner thighs and around.
A guy came in the room and asked if we minded if he watched. I said no. K was ummm not really caring, I could see she was close to cumming so I just rubbed her clit with my thumb while she got used to the idea of a guy being around, so I could watch her reaction to see if she froze or clammed up. I could feel by how relaxed she was around the dildo and my thumb that she wasnt tensing, so it wasnt all about teasing her, it was a really good way of seeing how she was feeling. She was ok, so I carried on, flogging her pussy, a bit harsher and more insistently this time while she got upto the edge again, trying to keep her there. The guy put his hand on her upper leg in the harness and I just said to him simply, no touching. He backed off and said thats fine. I carried on, scratching lightly and rubbing and then pushing the dildo in and out to get K close and then let her go over so she spasmed on the dildo. I kept moving it slowly, turning it and rubbing with my thumb, playing with the lips with my fingers to let her calm down and relax slowly and not just have everything stop, so she could dwell on the sensations and not where she was or what was happening. He spoke to her, I wasn't overly keen on how he was talking to her or how close he was to her at times when he was talking, but I wanted to keep things friendly and light so K didn't pick up on any unease as (with how she was feeling) I knew she could crash really easily and make something that felt good feel really bad. So I kept playing, letting her relax a little then build her up again with the dild and fingers. This time was easier as she cums easier the second time. It didnt need much more than the dildo and hands on her legs and thighs to push her over the edge. Because things had changed, because she was now in a new strange environment with a guy there, this time I let her cum quickly, to make it feel good and not have any frustration which might lead to bad feelings. To make her feel all was ok and this was a good thing to be happening. All the time I watched her face and reactions and where he was in relation to her, to look for any sign of flinching or unwanted attention. In hindsight I should have asked him to back off further, he was too close to her face when he leand down to speak to her, but I really wanted to keep things calm and measured and not have her pick up on any hesitation on my behalf or any sound of me being irritated. I didnt want that to permeate her mood and break it with the crash down. So, I felt safe that at anytime I could bring her back down out of this, I could just stop the scene if I felt things were going badly. I could tell him to back away. I was very close to her and could easily push myself between him and me... or I could just accidentally bring the flogger back too far and catch him would would make him back off sharpish. So I kept a close eye and thought on things and just kept trying to keep K in a good place with all this was fine. After her second orgasm he made comments about how horny he was and how he hadnt cum that night after some other people had left early. I was non-commital but friendly, keeping my voice soft but firm for K. Nothing to spoil the mood. He commented about her corset and said to her wouldnt she love to have him suck her breasts while I played with her, what a lovely pussy she had, etc. I could feel the flinch from K and I again politely said sorry, no, she was mine... thats my collar on her and only I touch her. I said we didn't mind others watching, and enjoyed showing off how responsive she was but that only I could touch. Not entirely 100% true but it reassured her and it was accurate in the context. I made more care to just stroke and pet her this time so she knew she was safe. After she came again, I made a lot of show of rubbing her through her corset, stroking her face and telling her how good she had been, how special she was and that she was safe and sound and I wouldn't let anyone hurt her or anything happen to her. Lots of petting, leaning over her and again making sure my body contact with hers made him take a few steps back.
I could see the struggle in her when he asked that. I wouldn't have let her say yes. In intense situations it can be hard to say no, but this wasnt something we had agreed on in advance so I would NOT have let her say yes. If she had said yes I would have over-ridden her as her top. If he had of argued about me saying she wants it, I would have stopped the scene, hard as that would have been on her. I would not have let her continue beyond things we had discussed before in depth. Voyeurs were expected and we had an understanding about that. If its a non-locked room we play in then thats fine, it may happen. We don't actively seek it but its fine. This was more intimate than last time when she spanked me, but she trusted me to look after her. Beyond that, no not discussed. Not going to happen. I made a deliberate show of kissing her and just petting her and he said thanks for the show and he might see us again later. I waited til he was gone, keep stroking her and then just casually talked to her to make sure she was still comfortable and not in distress. After that, I wanted to again push things back to a positive happy feeling so used the bigger flogger on her. Thighs, pussy, body. The corset spreads the impact so its just a thud but its a very nice thud. I like my flogger, so I could get the tops of her breasts quite accurately and then sweep down to her thighs. Hard hard.. soft soft trail. Using the pinwheel around the pussy and then up and down the stretched legs. Using the pinwheel and the electroaccupuncture thingie around her pussy to make sharp different sensations as i pressed and rubbed her clit. Finger fucking her so she swang on the swing into my fingers. Letting her cum again.. and then pushing myself into her and doing it again, being somewhat relentless, one last time this time talking to her about my cock and how it felt and how it was swollen and moved in her, etc, etc. Making it very personal and joined with me and about me. I felt her clench around me and pulled out, just gently stroking her. I didn't cum, I wanted to stay focussed and look after her. So I cuddled her, helped her down, cleaned up and we went downstairs to have a cup of tea and coffee and sit with the owners and helpers a bit before we left, so she felt comfortable and all was ok. I resummed my little puppy role and she could resume the being more confident and more noticable. It was a pleasent evening to get out and be ourselves, with each other, even if it wasn't really "us" at least we could be how we are together. I would love to be around more people who understand the whole D/s thing rather than just sex or SM.
This seems to be the way things go. I don't know if I am naturally just more toppy or pushy at times or maybe its just actually its very hard for me to just be and to receive, or maybe its just that when someone I care about wants something I try and fulfil it as thats a drive in me, to care for and fulfil. Keeping myself held back enough to look after her and keep control and give her what she wanted and needed. Not letting go because I had to look after her. As with all the parties we have been to its really been a case of in public I am the little pup following around and being cheeky and looking sorry when I am told to stop being cheeky. In private I am pushier, toppy, take control, give whats needed and make sure all goes ok and that she is safe and secure and happy with what happens. Holding inside so I know she is alright. It can be a little frustrating, but its also wonderful knowing i can give that. To know she feels safe and can let go.
So demure bratty pup in public. Sometimes teasing top in private.
K was a little unsure of it this morning so again I explained she was safe, we didn't do anything we wouldn't have in private it just... let people see, and I wouldn't have let things go further. I think she was happier, knowing all that really happened was she gave someone blue balls.... I am pretty proud of her. Very very proud of her.
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If this was an IM I would say *snickers*
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Jul 30, 2008 12:00 am
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Political correctness has gone mad (well, madder!). A tv advert for snickers with Mr T telling a speed walker in tight shorts that he is "a disgrace to the man race" has been withdrawn due to complaints of it being offensive to gay men. Even weirder, the advert was never shown on US TV... but it was complaints from the US that led to it being withdrawn world wide. Only two complaints were received in the UK.
The following I've lifted from various newpapers reporting on it.
The latest advert, first shown in Britain on July 13, never aired on American television, but prompted a flood of complaints from the US claiming it was offensive to homosexuals.
During the advert, Mr T, who played B.A. Baracus in the 1980s series The A-Team, pulls up in a large truck next to a speed walker and shouts: "Speed walking. I pity you fool. You are a disgrace to the man race. It's time to run like a real man." He then fires Snickers bars at the man until he breaks into a sprint.
Meanwhile reaction in the UK was mixed amongst the gay community concerning the ban. Website comments regarding the controversy in the UK suggested that complaints from the US should not impact on what is shown here.
One wrote: 'As a (British) gay man myself, I am fed up with the ultra-politically correct stance of organisations such as yours seeking out homophobia in places where none clearly exists.
'Your entire approach actually damages the efforts of those of us who live in the real world to make any kind of headway in the fight against real homophobia - you know, the one that's responsible for people being kicked unconscious outside nightclubs, or driven to suicide through bullying.'
Another said: 'I'm gay and I found the ad hilarious. If you make the connection speed walking and homosexuality then you just perpetuating the stereotypes about gay men.
'And it sad to see that gay people start to take themselves too seriously, and why do Americans feel to complain on what's is on TV on this side of the pond?
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Forever blowing bubbles
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Jul 29, 2008 11:59 pm
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There are some stunning pictures on flickr if you spend time browsing. Search for creativereview and look at the "bubble" pics and prepare to be impressed. I'd swear those were gas giants if I didn't know differently.
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Chickens and girlfriends
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Jul 28, 2008 1:08 pm
287 Views
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My boy made me laugh like hell whilst we were down the mine.
We got to the first bit where the miner explained how things worked and at the end he said "any questions?" there was silence so he want on with a grin "you know, you can ask anything, you can ask us about girlfriends, boyfriends, anything else, we don't mind". Still no answer... "Sure? No girlfriend issues". So my boy chirps up and says yes! He has some! Which of his two girlfriends should he dump. lol... the miner was quick as a whip, saying he would take one off his hands... which left lots of giggling kids...
He also started naming the children. There was charlie I and charlie II, as they were posher kids and he thought they sounded like royalty. My boy and another became "Ant and Dec" when they were dragged out to mine with pretend pickaxes. The only time the miner lost it and couldn't speak was... when asked what bird miners used to take underground with them to identify gas...one of the kids answered "chickens".
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To link to this blog (snarkly71) use [blog snarkly71] in your messages.
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