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trick
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Jun 16, 2005 5:13 pm
1449 Views
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this creature.
this preternatural fuckmachine.
fascinated me.
i was hooked.
but; i wasn't here to fuck.
that would have been too easy.
which was where i fucked up.
i wanted to peel away the layers.
i wanted to reach the core
and devour it.
essentially - i wanted much more than that.
i wanted her to be my friend.
she was frank.
to a point.
she was softly spoken.
she made me laugh.
more importantly ...
she listened.
i loved her monologues.
the contradictions.
the insinuations.
the fabrications.
she was flawed.
she was vain.
she was capricious.
she was eccentric.
she was narcissistic.
she was venal.
she was unscrupulous.
she was nefarious.
she was depraved.
she was culpable.
she was an idealist.
she was trash.
she was a vampire.
a viper.
a slut.
a cunt.
but; i could see past all that.
i could see this halo.
this alien.
this potato head.
that's searching for home.
pt.3 to follow ...
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confess
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Jun 16, 2005 2:16 am
1604 Views
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i made an appointment with an escort girl.
when i arrived at her apartment, she took me into her bedroom.
it was november.
the curtains were drawn.
the bed was custom made. iron bars at opposite ends.
i could feel the musky citrus tang of her tongue ...
on the legions of souls who passed through her gates.
she sat by a pillow, beside a spooky bedside lamp.
she looked like she had just come home from her 9-5.
white blouse. knee length skirt.
shoulder length hair underpinned by a chopstick.
classic black stilettos.
blonde. dazzling blue eyes. pre-op.
a sprinkling of cute freckles on her forehead.
collagen lips. botox forehead. rhinoplasty.
breast implants.
it's imperfections that i love.
part 2 - to follow ...
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denial
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Jun 15, 2005 5:25 pm
1664 Views
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is there a state of mind.
is there a chance.
is there a moment.
in which i can truly admit to myself.
without hesitation.
that, i'm not living in denial?
is there?
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vulnerable
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Jun 14, 2005 6:03 pm
1639 Views
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what appears at first glance as kitsch.
slowly, reveals a sublime moment of will over adversity.
it resonates with a silent, stealthy power.
a nest containing three eggs sits precariously on top of a wall.
the wall runs along the base of the painting.
beyond the wall is a deep ravine leading to a mountain.
snow undulates between the deep fissures and crags.
surprisingly, there is no peak, only a ridge.
stretching across the entire canvas.
dominated by the head of a bird carved from the rock.
it purports to symbolise wings of protection.
yet; is also threatening.
is it conveying a fear of motherhood?
a crescent moon hangs in the middle of the clear night sky.
directly above the bird's head.
the moon acts as a surrogate.
a benign hand of god.
there is hope.
"the domain of arnheim" by rene magritte 1962
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pain
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Jun 13, 2005 5:01 pm
1648 Views
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humiliation.
it seems that those who submit to it do not choose it.
"they' deserve it.
all sex requires submission. we choose it.
don't we?
"they" are to blame.
if it's guilt driven, then why inflict more damage?
redemption will be always be denied.
"they" believe in punishment.
not because "they" deserve it.
but, because "they" have been conditioned to accept it.
not from a master or mistress.
somewhere back in suburbia or the projects or the farm.
guilt is the cause.
but; the punishment is easier to take.
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catheter
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Jun 12, 2005 5:33 pm
1884 Views
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i want to pee.
i want to pee.
i want to pee.
this is the feeling.
i want to pee.
when a catheter is inside your urethra.
i want to pee.
helpless.
i want to pee.
waiting for your operating theatre slot.
oh - pl - eez.
minor endoscopic op.
p - p - p - p - p - p ...
later ...
woozy and scarless.
no catheter.
no op.
my slot was taken.
an emergency casualty.
i could have pissed myself.
this is the feeling.
when you want to but you can't.
this time.
next morning.
the catheter.
the urge. the urge. the urge.
home.
a few days later.
the first post - op orgasm.
the rush. the rush. the rush.
intercontinental ballistic missile.
target destroyed.
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compulsive
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Jun 11, 2005 5:14 pm
1802 Views
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european city.
sombre. early morning. musicless.
bus ride.
girl. 18. 19. 20. immaterial.
slashed jeans. jagged hairstyle. pallid complexion.
a light shower of facial acne. lipstickless.
eyes easily distracted. hurt eyes. capable of attack.
fidgets. fidgets. fidgets. mobile. flip top.
abused.
at her mouth. at her left ear. at her mouth. at her right ear.
bus ticket. length of a kitchen knife.
she tears it.
into a thin strip. almost to the end.
window. nothing out there but her dark shadows.
she watches the lips of women chattering.
she's driven. another torn strip. and another.
and another. the shredded ticket flops.
exhausted. floppy girl.
what have you done?
she catches my glance. unaware. back to business.
shredding the ticket.
pause. she flicks her hair away from her eyes.
to the left. to the right. to the left.
tear. tear. tear.
someone's falling apart.
the bell rings. the bus hisses. it stops.
she's unrepentant.
i make a judgement. she leaves. she will enter the hair salon.
she does.
her mask smiles. her wrath still hidden.
cut.
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