Intimations of an Orgasmatron
Didn't we get our first notions of a zillion new inventions (like pharmaceutical infusion) from watching Star Trek and early sci-fi films? Now it seems that sci-fi parodist Woody Allen is stepping up alongside Gene Rodenberry in the annals of prescience, as his concept "the orgasmatron" comes to life. This twenty-first century reality has been created by real-life doctor Stuart Meloy of North Carolina. And why not? You can already have chips implanted to regulate your sugar, heartbeat, and other bodily functions, and your dog can have a chip implanted so you can find him in the dark. It's really about damned time they got around to implanting something that will give you an orgasm. Sorry guys, this little what's-it is just for women. But apparently, according to Meloy, you implant this thing in a woman's lower back and there's a remote control button (putting a whole new spin on "where's my remote!"), and, well, instant orgasm. The great thing here is that millions of women around the world will no longer have to "fake it." Just take the little remote to bed with ya. Hide it under your pillow. And there's something else: your man's about to blow his load, just hit "come" and off you go to blissful mutual orgasms. Why, the implications for conjugal bliss are enormous. Of course, there's a hitch. You have to be able to shell out $17,000 or so and go through a slight surgical procedure. But ladies may even be able to argue "I did it for you dear" when the credit card bill comes in -- in fact, the really brazen woman might just get it implanted for his birthday. (December 03)