For me it all started with this unpainted wooden handled little French martinet , rough leather boot laces for tails that hung on a peg in the family bathroom, embodying threats of punishment for childhood misconduct. Such a common item, that little whip; every French household had one. Although it was seldom used, deep in my psyche, that's where my exquisite flogger collection must have taken root!
Funny how decades later at a Fetish party in Paris, that little cat of nine stingy tails, now sporting a bright yellow plastic handle, was handed to each guest as a souvenir. No one would dare be seen using such a humble whip in the dungeon! My very own collection of cats is marvelously crafted. I chose each for the way it feels in my hand as well as the range of sensations it can create.
What was once a "cottage industry" has blossomed into big business, and kinky toys can be found on thousands of online sites, in countless leather stores, and even at Heathrow Airport. At a high end shop in the International Terminal, amongst the designer lingerie and aromatherapy candles, I spotted a riding crop so long you might need binoculars to hit your target! Obviously designed for the kind of SM that spells standing and modeling at fetish events, that kinky toy was a work of art that has no place in my toy bag.
While in London I also discovered that the Wartenberg wheel, a play bag favorite in my community, has been recently modified into a double electric pinwheel, a truly sadistic toy to be sure! I thought that the simple nerve wheel in the hands of any dominant did a very good job getting their bottom's full attention with its sharp little spikes. Of course, that doesn't mean I did not add one to my collection of electric toys.
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Long ago I learned that the right tool for the job rule also applies in the dungeon. To know what is appropriate for each scene, I look at my desires as a Top as well as the boundaries of my submissive as I select the whips, clamps, cuffs, insertables and other implements that fit into the flavor of our play. I certainly wouldn't use a lockable leather hood with built-in gag on a novice; rather, I would choose a soft blindfold to increase my control as I invite their trust and surrender.
The wrong toy can ruin a good scene. Take my dear friend, Anna. A seasoned player, it took her years to consent to let out her inner little girl to play
"Daddy's girl" with her partner. She shopped for frilly panties, white socks and flat Mary Janes, eager for the evening's play to start. Hair in pigtails, she locked herself in the bedroom waiting for "Daddy." When he knocked at the door she asked in a small voice, "Will you be a good Daddy?" He reassured her that indeed he would be a very good Daddy. She unlocked the door.
Stepping across the threshold Daddy grabbed her hands and slapped a pair of metal police handcuffs on her wrists! Poor little Anna got very scared and started to cry. In her child's mind handcuffs terrified her. She really panicked. Although Daddy quickly found the key and set her free, her trust was broken and that scene over. Now, if her Daddy had tied her hands with pink velvet ribbons, it would have been a whole different story. Kinky, healing and sexy as they both had wanted.
Each role we play in the bedroom can be greatly enhanced by a few pieces of clothing, the right shoes or boots, and a few appropriate toys that suit your play persona, Top or bottom. Picture how you want to present yourself. Top, bottom or switch, what's in your toy bag speaks volumes about your desires and fantasies. Take pride in your toys as they are a reflection of you and your style.
When I play, I always take a lovely collar to place around the neck of my submissive. Not only does it help define the beginning and end of a scene, it shows your appreciation for the symbol of your erotic connection. I also take a couple of wooden clothespins, quickly disappearing from store shelves these days, a cane, a pair of nipple clamps, vampire gloves and the shiny short blade of my well-crafted and sharp knife. In my hand and on the skin of my submissive, there's nothing quite like it to connect eyes and breath and turn up the heat!
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If you are like me and have to try the toys before buying, the best places to shop are at community kinky markets (London has two, I discovered!), where you can get a real feel for the objects of your desire and often meet the folks who made them. Of course your local leather store is must. Don't be shy there; ask all you want about anything you consider making yours.
Toys were created to enrich your erotic life. Look for those that will add heat to your relationships. Keep it simple. Quality over quantity is my humble word of advice. As for my double electric nerve wheels, mischievous sadist that I am, I just could not resist the novelty! That wicked toy made me jump as I tried it on myself, and laugh as I teased and tormented my two luscious screaming/giggling "victims" who kept offering their tender flesh to the tiny electrical jabs.
In leather pride, with heart,
Cleo Dubois
www.sm-arts.com
When not writing for ALT and traveling the country doing demonstrations, Ms. Dubois enjoys mentoring couples in private, guided play at her SF Bay are dungeon. You'll find her special couples page at:
www.sm-arts.com/coaching/index.html
For updates on her classes and workshops go to: www.sm-arts.com/upcoming.html
Enroll Now for The Academy of SM Arts Weekend Intensives:
Erotic Dominance Intensive for Professional Dominas
August 17-19, 2007 in Chicago, Illinois
Acquire new skills! Refresh your style!
Gain deeper understanding of Fetish and Kinky Sexuality
Teachers: Cleo Dubois & Eve Minax -- Class limited to 8.
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/pros.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-pros.html
The Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Men & Men Who Switch
October 6-7, 2007 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9!
Dominate with presence and passion!
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/men.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-men.html
The Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Women & Women Who Switch
November 10-11, 2007 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9!
Gain the confidence you need to make your scenes soar!
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/women.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-women.html
