On the last Sunday of September, more than half a million bondage and leather fans from around the world converge on San Francisco to celebrate Leather Pride at Folsom Street Faire. Spanning over seven city blocks in broad daylight, this amazing gathering is the culmination of Leather Pride week, and I have not missed one since it started in 1984.
I haven’t always known I was kinky. Passionate yes, sexually adventurous certainly, but it wasn’t until my bisexual lover, Bob, took me to a very underground seminar in San Francisco offered by Mistress Kat in 1980 that I discovered my deep-rooted sadomasochistic tendencies. Now lead lobbyist for the Free Speech Coalition, Mistress Kat was my first exposure to consensual SM. During her class, she talked about her own power play, whipped her lover, “mouse,” and turned him on, humiliating him.
Seeing Mistress Kat control her collared lover was a big revelation to me. He obviously accepted her power and adored kissing her riding boots. She was clearly enjoying her dominance and his service. And so was I. Here was the fire I had not found in vanilla sex. I guess my boyfriend knew my hidden fantasies better than I did!
Soon after that memorable evening I joined the one and only California leather support group, The Society of Janus that Mistress Kat spoke of. Janus was the brainchild of Cynthia Slater, a bisexual woman and professional Domina. Many of her friends were Leathermen. Her vision was for all SM folks to share how to play safely! Great job! The group is still alive and well!
Back then you had to bottom before you could be a Dominant. Volunteering for their educational programs, I got spanked, flogged, tied up, teased and tormented, and appreciated. I learned what it was like to surrender and trust my Dominant partners. By surrendering power, I gained more power. SM play is about paradox. It wasn’t long before I was burning to be the one wielding the whip.
Finding my place in the budding leather community led me to professional Dominance at a time when BDSM was still very underground. Leathermen had their own culture while bi and straight kinky folks were just starting to come out of the closet. In speaking our truth we found pride. We also realized that we were not alone, far from it! Like all oppressed sexual minorities, kinky folks understood that being visible and organized was the only path to recognition and respect.
Back then we had no leather pride flag, no BDSM munches, no community dungeon in every metropolis. SM was the most hidden and misunderstood aspect of underground American culture. As a matter of fact, in 1980, San Francisco’s local PBS station, KQED, aired One Foot out of the Closet, a daring and intelligent documentary about us Leatherfolks. No other PBS station dared show it and I believe that it cost the courageous journalist his job.
A year later, members of the lesbian/feminist SM organization, SAMOIS, published a collection of short stories with advice on techniques. Coming to Power reached a world-wide audience and became a model used by many other BDSM authors. The prolific writings of Pat (now Patrick) Califia took my breath away. I dreamt of bottoming to her; blushed and got tongue tied every time our paths crossed at programs and early play parties. Her brilliance and intensity terrified me as much as it turned me on. With such great mentors where I lived, I could not but become active, passionate and out.
In 1983, New York’s Gay Menís SM Activists coined the phrase “safe, sane and consensual” to describe their play dynamics.
In 1984 the City of San Francisco decided that the area South of Market Street where all the leather bars were needed to be “gentrified.” The local merchants started Folsom Street Fair to prove the value of their community. That very first Fair was an instant hit, drawing over 30,000 activists and curious. People got a sense of their numbers and what it felt like to be visible during these somber times, as AIDS was striking so many. In 1986 I joined the leather contingent of San Francisco’s Gay Pride March. As I walked down Market Street in my black leather skirt and Outcast T-shirt, there were no cheers, only solemn silence. I felt judged and that being kinky was not OK, but I kept my head up. The following year, we Leatherfolks were a big presence all in black as we marched down Pennsylvania Avenue in the second National March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual rights.
We did not have a flag then. The Leather flag was created in 1989 by Tony DeBlase for the International Mr. Leather competition in Chicago. The black and blue with a white horizontal stripe in the middle clearly equals Top and bottom power exchange with a red heart for love. His design was immediately adopted by all SM groups and unites us symbolically. I owe a lot to Mr. DeBlase. As the caring sadistic Domina I had become I devoured his writings on CBT, electrical play, and dominance of men too. The magazines he published, Dungeon Master and Drummer, became my homework.
Recently, a young woman came to seek my advice. She felt that although she enjoyed rough sex and being dominated in the bedroom, those pleasures made her feel very guilty and she questioned if her partner really respected her.
Sexual games of control and surrender can be very hot, and if it turns you on, that’s a good thing. BDSM may be called “gourmet sex,” but I believe it is much bigger than that. It is also a path to self-awareness and healing. As we learn to set and respect our boundaries as Tops, bottoms or switches, our personal power will grow. Safe, sane and consensual. To this day, before you can enter Folsom Street Fair, a “Sister of Perpetual Indulgence” will sweetly flutter her bejeweled mascara laden eyes upon you as she waits for your positive answer to her simple yet profound question, “do you consent?”
In 2007, BDSM education is everywhere. I am amongst a group of qualified BDSM educator who really enjoy turning others on to the immense pleasure of radical sexuality. My next Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Men will be held in San Francisco the weekend after Folsom Street Fair. Wherever you live, I encourage you to take a class, attend a munch, come out to your partners, and go play in your community dungeon. Of course we take risks when we venture outside the white picket fences of our minds to explore our fetishes. Our reward is hotter erotic lives and deeper connections. Let us take pride in who we are and what we do.
In leather pride, with heart,
Cleo Dubois
When not writing for ALT and traveling the country doing demonstrations, Ms. Dubois enjoys mentoring couples in private, guided play at her SF Bay are dungeon. You'll find her special couples page at:
www.sm-arts.com/coaching/index.html
For updates on her classes and workshops go to: www.sm-arts.com/upcoming.html
Enroll Now for The Academy of SM Arts Weekend Intensives:
The Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Men & Men Who Switch
October 6-7, 2007 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9!
Dominate with presence and passion!
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/men.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-men.html
The Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Women & Women Who Switch
November 10-11, 2007 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9!
Gain the confidence you need to make your scenes soar!
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/women.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-women.html
