Initiative and determination are dominant qualities I learned early in life. The oldest of three, I was in charge of my younger siblings. I also quickly discovered that if I wanted something done right, I better do it myself. I brought this “can do” attitude into the Scene. As I grew into my Dominant persona I became a versatile caring Sadist rather than a D/s Mistress. Frankly I had no desire to train servants or slaves!
At the end of a class one evening several years ago, a young woman, impeccably attired in boyish wear and shiny black boots, approached me. This was not the first time she sat in the front row. “Cleo, I’d like to serve you.” I wondered what she meant. “So many people want to talk with you, I thought you might like some help packing your equipment. And I’d be happy to do that for you,” she said. I gladly accepted her offer. I liked her style and knew she was right. I could use some help.
Later in my dungeon, I noticed that nothing was in its usual order. Nothing was missing; it just wasn’t done my way. I then realized that if I was to enjoy being served, I had to be clear with my expectations.
For the next class I gave her precise instructions. Pleased to have clear guidelines, she then asked if I would like her to carry my toys at future workshops and…park my car! That more than pleased me. I remembered that my friend Mistress Minax, a lifestyle Domina, had told me she lets her submissives find their chores.
Neo and I set up and agreed on our protocol. Whenever I taught at Stormy Leather in San Francisco, she would wait in front of the store and walk in behind me carrying my toybag. Then she would go park my car. Being served started to look quite appealing!
Naturally, I complimented Neo and noticed the big smile my praise brought to her face. Some months later I found myself asking her if she would like to condition my leather. I suspected it was a fetish of hers. She jumped with joy at my request. I inquired if she had experience with the task at hand. She certainly did! Took her all day, but when I inspected my equipment everything looked supple and shiny.
I wanted to give her a reward for her hard work. So I asked, “what reward do you feel you deserve?” “It’s my pleasure, Madame. Being of service is its own reward.” Picking up my best leather paddle, I said, “I think a dozen blows with this on your naked ass for good service.” She blushed in eager anticipation as she dropped her pants. She loved the paddling as a welcomed gift. And that’s how I first accepted service.
Once I opened that door, I realized that communicating my wants clearly, cultivating patience and acknowledging good service were my responsibilities. It’s also up to me to make sure that there is some parity, that each individual’s needs are valued equally.
Not everyone is gifted with the same skills and talents. Using the natural abilities of your submissive only makes sense. When I want a good foot massage I request it of someone who loves my small high-arched feet. Desire is a great motivator and will bring about devoted service!
Would you like to be served in just the way that pleases you? Mistress Minax, my co-teacher at the Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensives, writes about one of her very favorite long term clients, who’s she’s been training for five years.
“When Steve came to me he was a smart-ass masochist not at all into submission or service. Now he has become an adoring service submissive. Of course, it took a bit of creative training. First, we established trust with a contract. We agreed to be honest with each other, and he would take some responsibility with his fetishes and always tell the truth. We live far apart so while he is away, I give him specific instructions on how to masturbate, how often, when and if to release, how many strokes, in what order, and so on. If permitted, I will allow him to release with a spicy ointment to make it a bit hotter. Of course I require him to write me in details about his experiences. That helps me direct his training. Of course each directive he doesn’t complete or does incorrectly earns him demerits.”
“To keep things exciting for me,” Minax continues, “I ordered him to record his actions in an Excel spreadsheet and subsequently determined what activities seemed easier or more difficult ‒ that way I can change the directives at will to keep it hot. The last time Steve arrived at Minax Towers, he was so turned on! He had been wearing his chastity device for a whole week per my instructions and had accumulated 290 points, each point equaling a punitive stroke. During his 10 day stay, I devised many ways of administering his punishments. If he pleased me I might grant him his favorite reward: pleasuring me! His sweet devotion makes all my efforts training him most worthwhile. Our relationship is extremely hot, sexy and full of mutual appreciation.”
Would you like to receive great service and devotion from your submissive? Strangely enough it might be difficult to let yourself accept the gifts s/he craves to bestow upon you. At my last Women’s Intensive, I received worship from a boi who adored boots. I asked her to worship my left foot through the leather of the boot. Her intention was so sincere that from her tongue I felt utter respect and adoration in the moment. Clearly she was doing it for me, not for her. What a turn-on!
You can really lose yourself in worship. I remember one time at a leather conference in Canada, I was describing how different cock worship is from giving a blow job; it feels like getting lost in bliss at the phallic altar. Ego, looks, performance disappear. Later a woman came to me with her Master, tears in her eyes, and thanked me for having verbalized her desire to serve Him. “Until you said it,” she told me, “my Master did not believe that worshipping his cock made me fly.”
It’s a fine line of tight rope we tread, aware that power and service are mutual gifts along the road to greater intimacy and the shared fulfillment we all seek.
In leather pride, with heart,
Cleo Dubois
www.sm-arts.com
When not writing for ALT, Ms. Dubois enjoys mentoring couples in private, guided play at her SF Bay area dungeon. You'll find her couples page at:
www.sm-arts.com/coaching/index.html.
Join Cleo Dubois and Fakir Wednesday, March 26 as Janus Presents: A Bit of BDSM & Leather History at the Citadel in San Francisco. www.soj.org
Academy of SM Arts 2008 Schedule
- Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Women & Women Who Switch
April 5-6, 2008 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9!
Gain the confidence you need to make your scenes soar!
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/women.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-women.html
- Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensive for Dominant Men & Men Who Switch
May 17-18, 2008 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9
Dominate with presence and passion!
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/men.html
www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-men.html
- Erotic Dominance Weekend intensive, Professionals’ course
August 15-17, 2008 in San Francisco
Hands on Training! Class limited to 9
The techniques, fetishes and business of Professional Dominance
Teachers: Cleo Dubois and Eve Minax, with the assistance of Selina Raven
http://www.sm-arts.com/intensives/pros.html
http://www.sm-arts.com/intensives/form-pros.html
For updates go to: www.sm-arts.com/upcoming.html
