Continued from INTERVIEW -

Andrea Plaid: Next question (and we sorta touched on this): Why do you think communities of color, specifically Black communities, feel the need to police their desires...to the point they won't explore sexual/erotic practices that some folks deem "racially incorrect"? And, more importantly, play police for The Race?


Mo: There is certainly the aspect of our very conservative and deeply religious background. We have a strong church-based community. That isn't something that is easy to shake.

The fact is that we have put ourselves in a position where we have to "prove ourselves" in order to survive. From jump, we've been at a disadvantage here. And so now that we've reached a point where we actually have a fighting chance, people don't want anything that may jeopardize or mitigate, in their eyes, our position of moral superiority. It is the idea we are "above" that.


Andrea Plaid: ::nods head:: And we do that by saying certain sexual practices, like BDSM and race play, are the things that "white folks do" or "what white folks want us to do."


Mo: Exactly. And so we deny ourselves the very fucking freedoms that our ancestors, or parents and grandparents struggled to give us. Freedom has no business being compartmentalized so that it remains frozen in some idealized space. Freedom is messy. Ask the Iraqi people.


Andrea Plaid: The interracial history, especially when it comes to fucking, is so fraught that we'd think "folks" would lookay at the Ciara/Justin Timberlake video and think, "He's oppressing her, and she likes it. Gahh!" and clutch their pearls.


Mo: Yeah. Okayay. So?

The part where you have all the info you need is this: "And she likes it." The "Why" is none of your fucking business. In this case, the "Why" is purely money.


Andrea Plaid: What? Mollena, that's racial blasphemy.


Mo: I know, I know. I feel us slipping back to the 1950s every time I masturbate. It is a huge burden, really.


Andrea Plaid: LOL!!


Mo: That video has as much to do with BDSM as the video of the guy padding the kitty cat has to do with animal abuse.


Andrea Plaid: Now, let's talk about the Ciara/JT video: for Love Sex Magic” you don't think it had anything to do with BDSM?


Mo: It has to do with kinky imagery and taboos. It is an easy hook. Videos are commercials, and commercials have to get at you. Because BDSM is still edgy, it is an easy cheat.


Andrea Plaid: Hmm...good point.


Mo: But as to really accurately reflecting kink? No.


Andrea Plaid: Why not? (I know, totally non-kinkcentric question to ask, but I'm asking.)


Mo: First off, it is all about display and visual impact, which is an aspect of BDSM, so, sure. There is fetishwear, provocative poses...


Andrea Plaid: I hear a "buuuuut" rearing up...


Mo: Yeah, here it comes: It doesn't do anything else. And for some people, that is enough. A shoe fetishist would masturbate to any video with feet in it. God bless them.

To say a man having a woman on a collar is automatically BDSM is false. This video has little to do with BDSM. It has to do with what looks sexy. The one thing – the ONLY THING – that separates BDSM from abuse is consent. Now, there is implied consent. However at no point is she not in control. Never.


Andrea Plaid: See, you beat me to the question...


Mo: So if you want to pull it apart that way, guess what. FAIL.

I am not going to meta-discuss her lack of control in the white dominated machine of the music industry. Sister is doing it for herself. She has a marginal talent, a stellar physique, she is making money, end of story.


Andrea Plaid: So, in order to for the video to show a representation of BDSM, there would have been a 3-second moment of consent?


Mo: *lol* In order for the video to comply with Mollena's BDSM Bible we'd see a moment of emotional connection. That is theater. Not passion.


Andrea Plaid: right.


Mo: Not that theater isn't passionate. But BDSM for theatrical purposes (which I love!) is different from a reflection of what BDSM is for me.


Andrea Plaid: Got it.


Mo: Do you remember 9½ Weeks?


Andrea Plaid: Yep! One of my all-time fave films.


Mo: The scene where she strips for him,” and it is kinda awkward but sexy, and she does it because he wants her to?

Andrea Plaid: Right.

Mo: That, to me, is BDSM represented in the way I see it. You really get her awkwardness, and her desire to be pleasing to him, and his arousal at her doing so. In this video you get over the top dry humping and a leash. *shrug*


Andrea Plaid: ROTFLMAO


Mo: *lol*


Andrea Plaid: Can another read be that Ciara is coming at it from a dom position, too, a "top" position?


Mo: Of course. If the whole video is her fantasy, she is, of necessity, running the show. Dominants can wear what they want and do what they want. The idea of teasing with the body can have a dominant tone. What bugs me is that it is "okay" if the black person is dominant but "not uplifting the race!!" if she's submissive.


Andrea Plaid: Aaaahhhaaaaaa.


Mo: lol


Andrea Plaid: Dig.


Mo: Oh, now you get to decide which role is okay for me?! Fuck you, buddy. I have gotten shit from black dominants about race play, even as they top white submissives.


Andrea Plaid: Really?


Mo: But that is okay, see, because it bucks the paradigm. Seriously. Fuck you. Yeah, really. Not for race play. It gets deep, yo. I've had people who I know for a fact do race play fuck me over in public for doing it in public. But it is okay for them to do it, just not okay for people to know about it.


Andrea Plaid: Jeez...even in race play there is the "We gotta be strong – in this case, top white folks?"


Mo: Yes. Payback, you see. We aren't getting reparations, so go beat up some white bitch and get yours.


Andrea Plaid: ...and here's me shaking my head. And, it's up to you to keep my image up.


Mo: Ya feel me? Exactly. Because, then, of course, all white people will feel all POC are fair game. But the thing is this: ignorant fuckers have been doing inappropriate shit for years. Is it possible that talking about it makes it bloody fucking clear that it is never okay to make that assumption? But when I get a message from a POC who says to me, "I thought I was the only one; thank you for talking about that; I felt terrible!" it is worth it. Truly.


Andrea Plaid: Guuuuuuuuurl. ::fist pump::


Mo: Really. I have, in my 12 years, had one person say to me, "I wanna do a race play scene with you." One. Why is that? 1) I am, evidently, hella intimidating, which kinda sucks but that is another discussion; 2) I live in Northern California, where the PC thing is strong; and 3) I make it bloody fucking clear it is not acceptable for you to ever ask someone to bottom to you in that type of scene. I feel it really has to come from the person being the "victim." This is my approach. If they are doing it in their heads anyway, best to know who those people are, right?


Andrea Plaid: Like seeing Ciara and JT is instant license for white folks to put dog leashes on Black women.


Mo: There ain't shit new under this sun when it comes to man's inhumanity to man. And sure, people get ideas. But if you think denial and silence will crush desire all you have to do is look at at a few numbers on the porn industry.


Andrea Plaid: But ideas do not equal actions.


Mo: Ideas can move to action. But I am not responsible for anything except living an ethical life, being true to my God, and respecting this planet and her inhabitants. The rest is outside of my control. And those who would be the Race Police can take a fucking page from the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Grab some wisdom. You are never going to change the way people are wired.


Andrea Plaid: Right, but people act as if the ideas will run tsunami-like and overtake them. Thus, JT and Ciara are making it open season on white men (and PoC men) to put dog collars on Black women. ::horror scream::


Mo: You can change your attitude and judgments around other folk's desires, and choice.


Andrea Plaid: It's like, dudes, no. it's not.


Mo: Send them my way, please, those hot white men looking to stalk and tackle Negresses. I got a boot handy for them.


Andrea Plaid: Roll credits?


Mo: Has anyone taken the temperature among younger folks on this? I am willing to bet most people 25 and under would be like "What is the big deal? They are having fun and it is sexy." And that is the real fact.


Andrea Plaid: And the younger adults and teens, who've grown up with Dan Savage giving advice, do feel the way you described.Ya know, the (Love Sex Magic) single is hot right now. And the folks who want to comment about the children say, "Don't expose them to these kinds of images. What would a seven-yearr-old understand about kink?"


Mo: I first saw a gay leatherman when I was 5 or so. NYC, West Village, you know the drill. I asked my mom (a nice church girl) why he was dressed like that. She said, "Different people do different things" and left it at that. And I never tripped about it again.


Andrea Plaid: The wisdom of mums.


Mo: She had to get very creative with me, my Mom did. LOL!


Andrea Plaid: My mom gets horrified walking into a sex shop in New Orleans. And that happened when my sis and me were out the house.


Mo: But the thing is this: if you are anti-sexuality for young children, fine. If you are anti BDSM, okay. These are absolutely your choices. In the same way it is my choice to think differently. And I appreciate the respect I show you and your opinion mirrored back to me and mine. And I furthermore appreciate thoughtfulness, not knee jerk reactions.

Only the most vulnerable mind watches a video and runs out and does what it says. And those people are beyond your protecting them.


Andrea Plaid: But, I fear, "children" is the go-to reason for the knee-jerk reaction.


Mo: So don't let your kids watch TV. And keep your kids out of my dungeon, thanks.


Andrea Plaid: what? Mollena, that's an American blasphemy! LOL


Mo: I know! TV is, after all, "Friend...Mother...Secret Lover" to quote Homer Simpson.


Andrea Plaid: And folks want to pretend helplessness before the "onslaught" of pop culture instead of being the grown person and buffering what the children are seeing.


Mo: People make me crazy sometimes. Why can't we all just admit we have our freaks and move on? I am the Rodney King of kink.


Andrea Plaid: ::horror-film scream:: "I am the Rodney King of kink." (*DEAD*)


Mo: rofflez


Andrea Plaid: LOL!


Mo: That was pretty good...

And if you don't want to explain shit to kids, you are kind of fucked. That is your job as a parent.





************ To Be Continued *************




Mollena Williams is a writer, performer, actress, pervert, sex educator, kinky plus-size model, Serial Twitter Abuser / Addict, and submissive masochist. She has been performing for 35 years, kinky for 25 years and teaching nationally about kink for 9 years. That's a lot to fit into 40 years, but she is nothing a multi-tasker. Her thoughts on BDSM and Alternative Lifestyle issues appears in Prometheus and ColorLines magazines, ALT.com, Bondage.com, and on her blog The Perverted Negress.


AJ Plaid is a writer and speaker on race, sex, and politics. She writes as the Sexual Correspondent for Racialicious, the award-winning blog on race and popular culture. She also runs her own blog on race and sex,The Cruel Secretary. Her perspective on race, gender, and sex has been featured in Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, and Bitch.