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First off, I am STRAIGHT and SINGLE.
I enjoy or have an interest in MOST aspects of BDSM (pain, humiliation and control) and thus have not checked off all the various kinks.
I will not demand subservience from a prospective partner. I expect to earn her trust so that she willingly gives it to me. A good dominant doesn't just take. A good dominant first has to provide for and care for his sub so that she wants to give up power and control; so that she is comfortable in the knowlege that he will look after her best interests and provide all necessary care, both in general and specifically during (and after) play .
I have never struck a woman out of anger or at any time outside of fully consensual BDSM. I am sadistic, not abusive.
I believe in equality. I am domininant, not misogynistic.
My partner will be encouraged to enjoy hobbies, spend time with friends and family and generally have all the things in a "normal" relationship. I am controlling, not an asshole.
But I want a relationship with BDSM running through it, both in and out of "the bedroom."
As the saying goes, "I will respect the fuck out of you until I fuck the respect out of you." And those will often be at the same time. This will be 24/7 of sorts, but don't let that scare you. Even in the privacy of our own home we might appear to be a "normal" couple as we cuddle on the couch eating popcorn and watching a movie that you chose.
Depending on our dynamic, restraint may be a big part of our relationship. Perhaps that restraint will be overt at times while at home, where maybe you are shackled and your mobility limited. Or it might be covert, where in public you wear a collar that looks to other people like an interesting necklace. Or it might be completely symbolic, such as being told at a restaurant to act like one hand is cuffed to the table leg, so you can only eat your meal one-handed and can't use the restroom until I allow it.
Depending on our dynamic, humiliation may be a big part of our dynamic. By this I generally mean taking you out of your comfort zone with things that you might find embarassing or psychologically challenging. Perhaps I will have you wear clothing a bit too revealing for the given situation, or perhaps I will objectify you during a scene.
Depending on our dynamic, pain may be a big part of our relationship. Perhaps it will be impact play, or clamps or rough sex.
I prefer monogamy.
My own hard limits:
Race play (I don't care what race you are. I just don't want to make it an issue); Punching (too much like abuse);
"High protocol" long-term (too time-consuming);
Republicans (sorry, we just have nothing in common);
Smoking/vaping;
And most things that remain illegal -- not necessarily because they are illegal, but because there are usually very good reasons for them to be illegal.
I am also fortunate to have been able to retire early. So you will have plenty of my attention.
Photos are available on request. Ask me anything.
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My Ideal Person:
She is not a doormat. She will tell me when she thinks I am wrong, but will accept my decision. (And if it later turns out that she was right, I will say so!) She will have autonomy in much of her life and personal choices, but if she needs some micromanagement and strict structure in certain aspects (either because she wants them or because I think she needs them), then that's what will happen.
She doesn't need to identify as a slave. If I am thirsty, I can get my own damn glass of water. And I will ask her if she wants anything from the kitchen while I am going there. I will do my share of the household chores.
She will be able to pursue work or a career if she wishes, and what she earns will be hers to do with as she pleases.
She wants (or needs) pain, humiliation and control.
She may or may not have much experience, but she has a deep-seated need to explore the more-extreme things, and we will take whatever time she needs in order to get there.
I want not just a completely willing partner, but one who shares a need or desire for similar things. Imagine a Venn diagram (two overlapping circles). Scattered throughout one circle are my interests and needs. Scattered through the other are hers. The things that are in the area where the circles overlap are the things we have in common. Let's talk about what those are!
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