I've taken great thought to My decision...I've decided to leave the lifestyle. I'm not sure when or if I'll return. It's not for Me to be able to find Myself...I know who I am and where I belong. Leaving the lifestyle doesn't sound right, its not something that I can just up and go from...this is who I am...the right words for this is...I'm going to pretend that a part of Me no longer exists, I'm going to pretend that I am not who I truly am...and try to do it with a smile on My face cause the "outsiders" wouldn't be able to grasp the concept of Me explaining that I'm upset because I can't be My true self... a person who knows that she has a love for the world of color that I've discovered here.
When you feel you lost all control in every corner you look in life, that your power has been stripped from you...all you can do is try to deal with it the best way you know how. For me... leaving a place that I at this moment, feel I've lost a lil control over, to pretend to not be "Me"...will help in time for Me to gain back My courage and faith in who I was here and that I did things right. Sometimes there's too much on your plate, the world seems to bare down hard on your shoulders...and all you can do, is try to lessen that weight anyway that would help.
I know that pretending to not be Me isn't the right thing. Pretending that its not in My blood, in My every breath, will be so hard. For its not a role we play, or pretend to be a part of because it's the 'in thing'...for many of us...this is who we truly are. Truly a Dom/me or sub or switch...Its bad enough that we have to pretend to be "normal" to the outside world...but now to lie to yourself and try to fool yourself into thinking that your not this...well that's the hard and hurtful part.
I have made wonderful life long friends on here...and other places...people who understand Me and accept Me, who think just as I do. I will miss you all, a few knows how to contact Me. I will over time stop in and check My mail here...there are a few friends that I cant let go of because they are almost like family and you don't leave behind family. I hope one day I'll be able to be honest to Myself again and let Me be who I really am once I find that self worth and confidence again.
Thru My time in here, I have found Myself. Some discoveries seems to surprise Me, and others not so much...but none the less, it's an amazing journey. I am in awe of the person who I'm revealing to be. I am stronger, smarter and wiser...more careful of each step I'm taking. I am still understanding and very compassionate, but don't take those as a weakness, nor down fall...many seems to take advantage of that. I offer compassion and understanding to Tthose whom I feel fit for it. I know what I want and like, and now have the balls to let you know if you have what it takes to please Me. All you need to know is, I am the same person that you see on this screen, in real life, I have never found any need nor reason to be anything other than Myself. Don't assume anything about Me, ask if you need to, and expect no assumption or cast of judgment from Me.
[if254 1]
My Ideal Person:
I have found the one who makes Me whole. He is a big cause for the smiles you will see on My face and makes Me so proud to have him as Mine.
Update
I've found such a special person to be at My side, in the time I've known him, we've had many up's and down's but with his persistence we've shared 9 months together and counting. In such trying times, he's been the light that leads Me to a calm place. I love him dearly, and cant wait to collar him and make him Mines rightfully. Proud to say that I've fallen in love with Tropic's pet, My pet, My sub, and so very much My love.
I have found a wonderful partner in this lifestyle and in real time. We both are switches, him being a submissive switch who allows Me to be the Dominate Switch that I am. I am able to be Me, rather if its leading and being in control or falling into his arms and finding protection there...we are us. No more and no less. We don't go by any books or rules in the lifestyle, as they are set differently with each partner. We have found what works for us and that's simply being who we are. I have embraced My being a Dominate Switch, and now feel so at ease being Me. he asks not to take control, but feels when its needed...he does not complain but knows his place instantly soon as I gain control back and he happily falls back to My side. There are no scripts, there are no plans...there's just us feeding off each others needs and wants. I'm proud to say that I'm his Mistress first and always, and have found contentment and such love for being his baby girl. I found one whom I can lead and lean into to. I love you My pet...My daddy. I love you Tropics_pet 
|
8,233 Members Online NOW!
