Formerly known as LHMsBabyMama
Semi-reclusive extrovert who prefers to take care of herself. I've always been independant, and usually find myself in the role of caregiver.
I am the sun
..I am the air
.I am human and I need to be loved
..Just like everybody else does
..but Ive already waited too long
and all my hope is gone.
I led a magical childhood. It was full of imagination. My friends & I explored the world within our own little cocoon of belief. We pretended
we *were* the characters of our world, and of those TV shows we acted out. My roles were varied. I was Catwoman when we played Batman; I was Audra when we played Big Valley; I was Candy when we played Here Come The Brides; I was Mike when we played The Monkees; I was Janet when we played the Lennon Sisters. It goes on from there
.those are just examples. There was a movie recently
..Disneys Bridge To Terabitha. That was my childhood. We *believed* - we lived it
.we *saw* it. The song Keep Your Mind Wide Open sung by Annasophia Robb was my childhood.
Now, heres the difficult part. While Im only looking for friendship, some of you are going to try to pressure me. Its the nature of the beast. Well, pressure away. You have a monumental task ahead of you, because unlike most women, who want a replica of their dad, you will need to be a combination of the three men in my life who mattered the most to me. Who are they? My dad, my step-grandfather and the one man who cares about me for the me I am, and who was (and still is) able to be a pretty damned good replica of the two other men who mattered to me all by himself. My dad is dead. My grandpa is dead. I believe they watch over me
and I will not accept any contradiction to that. The man who was able to be both for me is still alive. He is *still* my best friend. He has been my best friend since I was 5 years old. We swung in the tops of trees together. We traversed the swamp together. When I fell in, he took the blame. My favorite song about our childhood is Me & Charlie Talking by Miranda Lambert.
ListenHereMissy is my Protector I am His Charge. I will do as He thinks best. While its not the typical Dom/Sub relationship it works for us. He is my hero, my best friend, my ex-lover, dad to my children, the grandpa my grandchildren deserve. He has my back
always. I will guard his best interests with everything I am, right up to my last breath. If you hurt him, you will have me to answer to, and I can be a formidable enemy.
Now for the honesty
..because honesty is an integral part of me. One of my favorite sayings came from the movie Hook I never lie
.the truth is too much fun
Why KoncreteAngel? Two reasons: first, a concrete angel is a female street child. While I didnt live on the streets, I spent the majority of my youth there often in the later parts of the night. You can learn a lot on the streets. Listen to the song Concrete Angel by Martina McBride. its hard to see the pain behind the mask
The second reason really has to do with a duality in my personality. No, Im not a Gemini, Im a Leo (if youre into astrology).
The Myers-Briggs test results labeled me as an introverted extrovert. Hows that for a contradiction? But
.the thing is, Im basically a shy person, with an outgoing nature. My friends would tell you that I have a very complicated personality. For example, I will hide my shyness in order to get where I feel I need to go. I will talk too much when Im nervous, or I wont talk at all if I feel overwhelmed. I can fade into the background more quickly than some would believe, yet I can shine as bright as the sun if my mood is right.
Like I said above, Im not here to connect with anyone for a relationship. Im not at a place where Im willing to do that. You have to like yourself first, or youre an unworthy partner to anyone. Today (note the capital) I dont like myself physically. I like ME
but I dont like the mirror image.
I had my Glory Days where I was beautiful. I stopped caring, so Im no longer beautiful. The plain fact is Im anything but these days, except in my soul. If you look at my pictures on Fet
.well, I was 27 yrs old when those pictures were taken. You all can think Im a hottie based on those pictures, but, please remember
.not one of you has *listened* to me when Ive told you my Glory Days are gone. Why? Well, youre only exposed to ME in the chat room. Youre not seeing my physical person.
Of course, that gives you an advantage, because my Glory Days were filled with shallow people who wanted me for my physical body. Isnt it wonderful to have a 36-24-36 body, with a pretty face to go along with it? No
its actually not. It really SUCKS to be a pretty, intelligent female in a sluts body. I truly did have a 24 inch waist. Built like the proverbial brick shithouse. Those days were the worst of my life. LHM was often my shelter even then. He was always tall enough for me to hide behind when the idjit jocks pursued me at the roller skating rink. He was also friend enough to tell the idjits to let me be.
Theres one other thing I dont do anything BUT partnerships. Im not a domme and I have no comprehension level when it comes to being a sub, other than what I once shared with LHM
.and I cant guarantee that I will go with it with anyone else. Its a lack of trust on my part.
Some say I have a bit of a sadistic streak in me. Some say I am only capable of running the show. Some say that Im meek & quiet.
LHM called me a force of nature.
Other men in my life called me worse, because they attempted to dominate me, rather than partner up.
Like LHM has stated in the chat room, if you cant get past my mind, you have no chance with me. If theres no stimulation, I get bored and I will drift away from you slowly but surely and I will become indifferent to what you want from me.
Ive been told by some of the men who have passed through my life that Im too strong willed to be a proper woman, that I could be beautiful if I took the time to care about clothes, hair & makeup, and that Im too intelligent for my own good so, according to them, I will never be a proper mate, because I am simply unsuitable. I can accept that from them, because I havent been happy in 99% of my relationships
..and Ive had less relationships than most of my friends.
I am a one man woman, but not closed. On the flip side, I dont like sneaking around. The two men who threatened me with that found themselves dealing with a suddenly indifferent female who offered to pack their bags for them. I will truly wilt in a relationship if I feel ignored or unimportant to the man in my life. That feeling will bring on that same indifference or it will cause me to run from the relationship even if I am truly in love.
Im not easily distracted from what I want to do at any given time. If you cant provide something more interesting to me than what Im already doing, you wont gain my attention. I will simply tell you to go watch sports or build your model cars or whatever else youre interested in.
I imagine you all have heard about the frustration of women with sports fan partners. They say they can dance naked in front of the TV, only to be told to move. Im just as bad. You can parade naked through the house, but if Im into what Im doing, I wont notice you.
Basically
.Im *not* a normal woman. Im not into shopping. I dont care about makeup, nails or my hairstyle. Im the least likely to dress to kill. Even in my Glory Days
..I dressed to suit me. I was most comfortable in hip huggers and chopped off T-shirts. It wasnt what the beauties of the world wore. But, it was Me.
Dont get me wrong
I have dressed to kill on occasion, but only because someone asked me to.
Im not about pretension. Im not about impressing anyone.
The only thing Im about is WHO I am. Despite my Glory Days, the only beauty I ever cared about is what is within my heart. Yes, it pleased me to attract attention with my body & my face, but, if you couldnt tell me my eye color, you got nowhere.
If you could tell me my IQ, Id forgive your lack of recognition of my eye color. Unfortunately, very few knew my IQ.
Ive loved very few people in my lifetime. Its not something Im proud of it simply means Im choosy or finicky. Im not sure either quality is worth anything. I can only tell you that when I did love, it was unconditional.
I stopped loving on a partnership basis, because my heart was broken by someone I really loved. I cant promise that I will ever love again. But on the flip side, I need to admit that I was a partner in my own broken heart. Perhaps if I had been able to express my true feelings, my heart would be whole today.
That doesnt make me very interesting, does it? If it gives you the impression that Im another challenge, you really should think again. Im nobodys prize, and I cant be won through perseverence, badgering or hearts & flowers. Besides that
.how many of you can be three men in one?
Plus, you will have to get past the fact that I deal with the friends around me who are adored by the men in their lives. They are bee-itches
..their men are downtrodden. Yes
its a domme/sub relationship, in many respects. But, its not a give & take domme/sub relationship. I could respect them more if it was an accepted fact on both sides. But, its not. One of them doesnt want her life with her man, but she doesnt want him to have anyone else. One of them doesnt want to deal with her mans interest in X-rated movies
because those women are what shes not. Another friend needs a man, no matter what, so she will jump into a relationship that isnt right for her or her son. It means shes not alone.
Then
.I watch the people in the chat room. There are couples everywhere. Several tell me how happy they are in their relationships. Im okay with that
..truly
.but
..sometimes I hear the song Someone Elses Star by Bryan White.
Sometimes
.I dont want to be alone. Most of the time, Im okay with it. But, now and then
I wish for that Great Love of My Life. But, that is not Today for me. So
.someone else will keep getting what Im wishing for.
What do I want? I want parts of Yesterday, a little of Today and a whole lot of the Tomorrow I hope will someday be mine. I want the magic in my life to return and to stick around this time. I want life to be a mystery, not a doldrum. I want to laugh until my sides hurt again. I want to be able to cry normally. I want to see life as valuable again and not as something I have to do. I want someone to save me from what, I dont know but I need a knight, a hero, a prince or maybe all 3 rolled into one. I want to feel safe for a change. I want someone to take care of me, so I can rest my over-weary shoulders. I want to make a difference in someones life and I want someone to make a difference in mine. I want that Great Love of My Life the one I didnt know Yesterday and still grieve for Today but I dont believe I will ever have iagain. I want my heart to mend, because it was once broken into too many pieces, and its never been the same.
Basically
.I want what I will never have again. But, Im still greatful for the days when I had it all.
So, were back to my opening statement:
I am the sun
..I am the air
.I am human and I need to be loved
..Just like everybody else does
..but Ive already waited too long
and all my hope is gone.
Ive been wishing on someone elses star
..and all my hope is gone.
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