revised 01/17/2006
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I recently came across a bumper sticker (of all things!) that 'sang' to me ...
"I'd rather be hated for who I am ...
than loved for who I am not."
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A bit about me:
Me in a nutshell: DWF: 5'10/not-so-thin/auburn hair/brown eyes/polyamorous/non-swinger/honesty freak/safetyfreak/empath/scorpio/Domme.
I am a safety freak (I have no problem with the concept of hurting another in an enjoyable, mutually consentual manner, however ... I have a REAL problem with HARM, be it emotional, mental, physical, or other, whether caused through ignorance, stupidity, or intent. I can't do much about stupidity or intent, but ignorance I can do my utter best to lessen as much as possible. No honestly-asked question is 'stupid', etc ... if you have any, please just ask - I'm quite hard to offend, and will answer honestly and to the fullest extent of my knowledge. *steps off soapbox*). I've been told this repeatedly throughout my life, and as I grow both older and wiser, I come to believe it more and more! To that end, one of my goals is to eventually create an alternative lifestyle safety website, as well as a checklist that is as complete and thorough as I can make it (right now, I'm up to 17 pages!).
I am bisexual. It's not that I am attracted to females in particular or males in particular (actually, I'm not all that physically based), but to me it seems kinda stupid (to put it bluntly) to let what hangs between get in the way if I am attracted to someone as a person &/or slave, &/or masochist, &/or submissive, &/or fill-in-the-blank ... you get the idea. Essentially, what's going to potentially attract me to you (with regards to any dynamic or relationship structure) is going to be a combination of your personality, and of how you comport yourself with/around me/on my behalf - not your genitallia, gender, or sexual orientation.
I am polyamorous (both in the sense that I own more than one, and in the sense that I love and am in love with more than one ... I clarify, as I know the term 'poly-bdsm' can be confusing and at times, misleading). However, as in everything else, I do have my own little 'quirks' that some may view as strange. For example ... while I am quite happily involved, I do not come as part of a set with any or all of my loves ... if you're interested in someone that I'm involved with, contact them, not me - if they're available and interested, I'm sure they'll let you know.
When dating, I greatly prefer to date a person, not an entity. I have no objection to dating people that are involved with each other ... but I date them as themselves (treating each relationship with me as a separate dyad) rather than as a set ... and to that end, will rarely - if ever - start dating two mutually involved people at the same point and time. I have no objection to triads - but with me, a triad would be something that would have to grow out of three dyads naturally combining over time, and not be the ultimate goal.
To clarify as to the use of some polyamourous and polybdsm terms ... example: the use of terms like primary, secondary, etc etc ... I don't have a primary(ies) or a secondary(ies), etc etc ... I have my loves. I don't own 'alpha' and 'beta' slaves or submissives. For myself, I don't choose to limit how far a given relationship may grow ... that choice is merely just another part me being myself, of me choosing not to put on an act or pretend to be other than I truely am ... I choose to be myself, to feel the way(s) that I feel, to not censor nor limit nor restrict my emotional involvements with another(s). Currently, my relationships with m'loves, and my property are at different levels at this point and time ... not because I choose to prune them and limit where they will grow and to what extent ... but because each relationship grows at it's own pace, and in it's own time.
Moral value wise, I have my own set, and have no idea if they are your norm or not. Here is a brief summary: 1)I don't do casual sex (manual, anal, oral, or carnal ... sorry, but that all counts as sex to me!) ... (ie:if you're looking for the perverbial hot-bi-babe ... of which I am not, I know damn well that I'm no stick figure or PlayBoy centerfold ... with which to amuse yourself with in the bedroom, please exit stage left. I'm not going to sleep with you just because you 'blessed' me with the honor of your attention, or groveled prettily for me ... in fact, I tend to take things slooooowwwly on a physical basis ... I much rather prefer to both know and feel that all involved are comfortable with a given act or action (at least mentally ... *grins* ) before proceeding any further.) 2) I'm meticulously honest (that is, I'll only tell you something that I actually believe to be true), and have a large habit of being blunt to avoid misunderstandings (a vast understatement, I know). I don't intentionally tell mistruths.....and in the event that I ever find out something I told you was untrue, I'll do my best to inform you asap. 3) Confidentiality is sacred. I don't break that, not even to the ones I love most. 4) I don't intentionally inflict 'guilt trips'. It's sort of a self-protection thing to me in a way: I'm very empathetic ... why inflict negative emotions on someone when you are going to feel it too? (of course the exception to this is when I know it is wanted, ie: humiliation play, etc ... ) 5) I don't break promises, and am very careful about making them because of that. (key words: "I promise" and "I give you my word") 6) if it feels good (at least emotionally) to all involved, and all involved consent, then it is "good" for them. 7) I don't try to convert (read: nag incessantly) anyone to my beliefs, I don't mind listening to yours, but please don't try to convert me. for example: I'm an agnostic.(I don't know what is out there, if anything ... but I am open minded)
(The above is a brief list of MY MORALS, not what I expect other's to be)
As for my vanilla interests ....
I like group games like cards (hearts, spades, poker, scruples, etc ... tho' I'm not much for trivial pursuit), chess, board games (Risk, Sorry, Monopoly, etc), billiards, etc.
I love to pun, cuddle, flirt, and have fun in general. Though I love to dance, I don't do it much, and when I do I tend to take it easy on the fast songs: I have been injured several times leg/ankle wise in my past (long story, essentially I've been injured enough to last me through my next five lifetimes) and have been told to take it easy on 'em or else.
On that note (a quickie tangent for the interested) ... all of my _intentional_ physical alterations are above the shoulders ... I've three piercings (2 ears ... normal, I know ... and tongue), and one tattoo (back of neck, incorporates my personal triskellion as well as the poly, bisexual, and BDSM lifestyle symbols). *grins*
I'm an avid reader and love science fiction and fantasy, among other genres. Some authors I enjoy, off the top of my head ... L.K. Hamiliton, Mercedes Lackey, Christopher Stasheff, Piers Anthony, Charlaine Harris, Anne Logston, P.C. Hodgell, Mary H. Herbert, Steven Brust, Jody Lynn Nye, Elizabeth Scarborough, E. Fresner, Anne McCaffery, Tanya Huff, Robert Asprin, Diane Duane, Tim Deitz, Ed Greenwood, Butterworth (M*A*S*H books), Heinlein, J. Wiseman, Lady Green, Elaine Cunningham, Godek, Grizzard, S.M. Stirling, Dorothy Gilman, Larry Dixon, Spider Robinson, Tamora Pierce, Scott Adams, Alan Dean Foster, Anne Rice, David Eddings, Lois McMaster Bujold.
As for TV, my most recently watched shows over the past couple of months have varied among : Whose Line is it Anyway?, Monster House, Monster Garage, In A Fix, Spin City, House Rules, American Chopper, Cartoons (Jackie Chan, Xmen, Looney Tunes), Trading Spaces, While You Were Out, Myth Busters, Charmed, Angel, Buffy, Mutant X, Crossing Jordan, Real Sex, Shock Video, Dark Angel, 3rd Rock from the Sun, and Just Shoot Me. When at work (the place where I typically have most of my TV time), I typically will have the TV on the Discovery Channel, TLC, VH1, Comedy Channel, or WB ... unfortunately, with my job, this doesn't mean I necessarily get to actually watch 'em, but ... *grins* I do my best.
I write and attempt to publish poetry, sometimes sucessfully. Comedy clubs are fantastic...I love to laugh and don't get near as many opportunities to do so as I would like. I've got a wicked n' warped sense of humor *grins*. I love kids and I have one absolutely lovely daughter (shared, joint custody with ex-girlfriend) as of 2/4/2001! At last count, I have six lovely god-daughters (I should be adding another podling within the year, as well - maybe this time I'll have a godson, who knows!)... I have a harem!!! ... two nephews, and three nieces.
I seldom drink but never get drunk now-a-days (I hate the feeling of being out of control of my body). I've never done illegal drugs (and do not tolerate their use by any of my involvements). I used to smoke (nicotine), but quit cold turkey quite some time ago ... however, in times of great stress, I've been known to start up again temporarily.
I'm also more than a bit of a hedonist ... Massages are fantastic ... I love them! Before a major wreck in 1998 (details upon request), I had quite a collection of massage toys 'n tools... now I am still learning what I can still use and still do ... in both the massage arena and the BDSM/kink/'lifestyle'/pick-an-acronym arena. (amazingly enough, swinging a flogger works more muscles and does more good for me than 90% of the physical therapy I went through!) I love skinny-dippin', visiting the local clothing-optional colonies when I can, lolling around in a hot tub, having my hair brushed, sensation play ... mmm ... yummy.
However, I also like pampering others! I'm both a hopeless and hopefull romantic ... I love being treated in a romantic, loving, caring manner, and tend to shower the same type of attention upon any loves that seem to welcome it (some people, unfortunately, are just NOT into romance ... *shrugs* ... go fig!). I actively enjoy making others feel better ... whether physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise. I tend to lend an ear and shoulder at the drop of a hat, and if you feel that you need that, feel free to give me a yell.
I'm bisexual, polyamourous, and into BDSM... and out to varying degrees to different people about those three subjects. I'm out as to being polyamourous, kinky and bisexual to basically everyone I care for aside from my father (we're estranged, no contact - long term). My mother and sister know, and so do my friends.
Frankly, I see no sense in putting on an act when I want to be appreciated and loved for myself, not a fantasy.
[if254 1]
My Ideal Person:
Essentially, I'm looking to meet open-minded, honest people in person, via email, via phone, etc, etc for platonic friendships (anything can grow, but that is not my immediate goal - if it's meant to be, it will flow naturally). Whether you are vanilla or baskin-robbins ... straight, gay, bi, etc ... male, female, or someone in-between ... irregardless of how society defines you, I'd like to hear how you define yourself. Honesty & an open-mind is ABSOLUTELY mandatory when you deal with me ... and keep in mind ... don't ask a question if you aren't prepared for the answer.
If I have indeed piqued your interest, to be complete I need to say this: I understand that different things/appearances/attitudes attract different people to others - it's a fact of life, just like pheremones. While some may call others who state these 'requirements' superficial/shallow, I've come to the realization that it's just that ... that's what floats your boat, you need to be honest with yourself and others about it upfront. It may cause you discomfort to look hard within yourself, to find these 'prerequisites' ... irregardless of how 'shameful' or 'superficial' they might be to others, they're an integral part of you, and you need to be upfront about that, and accept that information in return. For instance: if you're not into plus sizes, don't waste our time - life's just too valuable to piss it away. By the same token, just as some folk list that they are looking for a specific requirement - be it height, weight, hair color, location, child-free ... I must state mine.
In addition to the requirements I've stated above (examples: honesty, illegal-drug free, etc) ...
What you need to know, is that for me, BDSM - it's not a kink, it's not a game, it is a lifestyle ... it is an integral part of my life. TPE is something I cherish, that I need just as much as the air that I breathe. Not to say I'm not a sadist, but ... if I had to choose between someone with submissive tendencies and someone with masochistic tendencies, I'd pick the submissive one hands down. There are many facets to me - I'm a dominant, a master, an owner, a mistress, a daddy, a sadist, an edgeplayer ... far too many to list (*grins* kind of like my kink interests ... waaay to much to list here!). I have one slave that has been with me since 1998, and another that's been with me since april of 2005. I have a girl who has been with me since mid 2004. I cherish who, and what, is Mine. And for perfect honesty, I need to tell you that M/s is central to my life - at the utter least (at this point in my life) anyone I'd consider exploring a relationship/dynamic with would need to be seriously submissive, if not a slave (my personal definition of a slave is someone who would be willing to give up their limits in exchange for the limits of the one that owns them). I can't say that there will never be an exception - what will happen, will happen - but even so ... *snort* ... I can't even bring myself to type 'they'd have to accept that part of my life' ... because it's not 'a part' of my life ... it IS my life. If this is what you are interested in, your sexuality is not an issue - I'd welcome a gay male or a straight female into my household with no reservations - I don't hold the belief that one must be romantically &/or sexually involved in order to have a fulfilling TPE relationship.
If we are compatible as more than friends, I'm looking for a 'squeaky toy'.. someone who is verbal, and gives alot of auditory feedback when they are being Topped.
Other than you being a non-minor, age does not matter, and neither does body size. If we are to be, YOU will attract Me .. your personality .. not merely your body.
Honesty is 100% mandatory. period. no negotiation.
If you have outside relationships, you must be honest with them about the existence of your other relationships, disclosing the content or details of the relationship(s) is up to you.
If you think that you can cope with me on those terms, and if my profile piques your interest, feel free to drop me an email ... I'd love to make some more friends who won't shriek and flee in terror/(culture)shock/etc when I'm just being me, myself and I.
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