THIS GODDESS, IS A NATURAL BORN DOMINANT!

[FOR THE DOMINANT MALES... I'M DOMINANT AND "NOT" A SWITCH OR A SUBMISSIVE, SO DO NOT CONTACT ME, HENCE THE REASON WHY I WASN'T SEEKING ANYONE! I KNOW WHAT I AM AND SEE MY PICTURES TO PROVE IT!]

I'M HIGHLY VISUAL SO I ENJOY A MALE SUBMISSIVE THAT LOVES LATEX DRESS UP (PLEASE HAVE LATEX CLOTHES FOR YOURSELF; IT'S SO FEMININE), LIKES WEARING LEATHER CORSETS, LOVE BOOTS OR WEARING HIGH HEELS, AND LOVES NORMAL FEMININE DRESS UP, TOO!. I LOVE BONDAGE BECAUSE I'M HIGHLY VISUAL, BESIDES A FEW OTHER STUFF. PLEASE KNOW THAT I'VE PLAYED WITH WOMEN BUT SEEK A MAN THAT'S COMFORTABLE WITH BEING A SWITCH AND ENJOY THE OCCASIONAL SUBMISSIVE FEMALE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. MEN ARE USUALLY SWITCHES, SO I WOULDN'T THINK THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM

I SEEK A SUCCESSFUL, EDUCATED, HONES AND KIND "GENTLEMAN" THAT KNOWS THE MEANING OF RESPECT AND TRUST BASED ON HONEST GENUINE COMMUNICATION. WHY SO?, BECAUSE I AM AND CAN ONLY RESPECT A MULTI-TALENTED MAN THAT HAS A SWEET DISPOSITION. I'M IN THE SAME SHOES AS YOU SINCE I LIVE A DUAL LIFESTYLE BECAUSE I DON'T DO THIS FOR A LIVING. A SEEK A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WHERE WE ENJOY THE NORMAL EVERYDAY: NO DRAMA, NO MIND GAMES HEADACHES, BUT CHERISH THE BEAUTY OF BDSM IN PRIVATE. BDSM IS A BEAUTIFUL SENAUL ART WHICH I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT AND COMPREHEND THE DYNAMICS OF THE MENTAL MATRIX. I AM A PSYCHOLOGIST BY NATURE. I'M A GENUINE AND HONEST PERSON THAT HATES LIARS AND DECEPTION. PLEASE BE THE SAME! GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE! PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!

Sorry, NOT seeking anyone! Too many liars that cannot be truthful & genuine.

By the way,"true" Dominants and Submissives do NOT exsist. In fact, there probably are NOT even good or bad Doms or Subs. They are just "DIFFERENT". Something or someone may NOT be your cup of tea, but that does not mean it cannnot (or should not) be someone elses. Everyone has different tastes, needs,fetishes, energy & chemistry, right? Therefore, best to everyone in all their unique adventures!

"Fantasy vs. Reality"...There is a wide variety of misconceptions, when it comes to BDSM. Quite a few of these will be tackled in this section. And for starters, let's talk about this "community" because, as many will argue, there is NO such thing as a BDSM community. Fact of the matter is that "unity" is a word, that does not fit very well, when it comes to BDSM.

In fact, the BDSM world is largely a collection of many different vues, styles, relationships, sexual orientations, organisations and - unfortunately - personal kingdoms with self appointed gods, kings, queens,emperors or whatever tickles your fancy. The BDSM-world is somewhat of a jungle to put it mildly and that is nothing new. It was like that before the days of the Internet, it still is and probably always will be.

Everyone's fantasy is beyond reality, which is why there's so much mistrust, confusion, and fear of the known or unknown.It would be very helpful if people understood, what exactly it is they are doing. Unfortunately, many do not, or refuse to and closemindedness is quite common when it comes to BDSM. However, to the outsider it soon becomes obvious that there are a few major differences and these are actually quite easy to explain.

More importantly, if BDSM is more or less new to you, you may find it helpful to have something of a map of this "BDSM community". Fantasy The first thing to understand is that BDSM-people are fantasy-driven. And there is nothing wrong with that, but it does help to always keep it in mind.

Ever since the Internet came about and as a result of it everyone has access to means of mass-communication it has not become any easier. Fantasy is what keeps most people going in BDSM and as a result much of what you read - either on websites, in chatrooms and on discussion lists, may not be reality, but instead people's fantasies: i.e. a description of what people would LIKE their situation to be. Fantasy is not a problem. In fact, there is nothing wrong with it.

The problem is though, that as a result, it is often difficult to find out what exatly is reality and what is fantasy. Communication is cruical.Another problem is that people fantasize about what others do. Quite a lot of BDSM people have a tendency to identify themselves with what they consider to be role models - quite often these will be other BDSM people and usually the ones they have read about on a website or have "met"- quite often during demonstrations or workshops. In most of these "role model concepts" people tend to look only at what they read or see and NOT at the reality of a situation.

For example: Yes, some people may do excellent bondage demonstrations, but that does not mean their relationship is perfect, even though it seems to be like that during the demo. Fetish, versus lifestyle, versus relationship... Ever since the Internet came about, it has become more difficult to identify what people actually do. The Internet brought us such things as cybersex and "online relationships" and - most importantly - the differences between "virtual" and "real life". In the old days, we used to call this fantasy versus reality. The difference is in the fact that in the old days we usually did not know about people's fantasies. Now we do. And that is often very confusing, as well as, complex.For your personal map of the BDSM community it is very helpful to always check the following:

Fetishism - Most people, you will meet on the Internet (and actually, although in "smaller quantities", in real life situations) have something that is known as a "BDSM fetish". This means they are attracted by the superficial characteristics of BDSM, the clothing, the outfits, the often laid back attitude and the open sexuality. To them, just talking about it or seeing it (in movies, in action or in pictures) is THE turn on. Doing it for themselves is an entirely different story. They may fantasize about that, but it will hardly ever come to life. That is not a problem, it is just different from others.

Lifestyle - Lifestyle is the most mis-used word, when it comes to BDSM. Most people will use the word "lifestyle" to try and explain that they actually "do something" in real life, but this might be anything from tieing their partner up occasionally to a full size BDSM-based relationship. "Lifestyle" usually does not even mean they are in an actual relationship. It might mean they (occasionally) dress themselves in leather and visit parrties or gatherings. It may mean they fantasize about having a BDSM-relationship or even seriously plan to have one. Or it might mean they are in a full Total Power Exchange relationship. Fact of the matter is that "lifestyle" usually means these people really do (want to) experience what BDSM is all about in some form. It is not a qualification for anything, neither does it imply some sort of standard or "benchmark".

Benchmarking and labeling - The biggest problem in BDSM is the tendency, many people have, to find benchmarks and label others. Since BDSM is a very personal thing, the truth is that every relationship and every emotion is personal, hence different from others. There are NO benchmarks and labels do not really help either.

True dominants and submissives do not exsist. In fact, there probably are not even good or bad doms or subs. They are just "DIFFERENT". Something or someone may not be your cup of tea, but that does not mean it cannnot (or should not) be someone elses.

While many people look for footholds, fact of the matter is there are none or at least very little, when it comes to BDSM. That is a concept not many people can live with. People tend to look for justification and something to identify with and that - when it comes to BDSM - is next to impossible.

(Sorry, but "NOT" seeking any Dominant or Sub. Man....; it's harder to mix "two" women in "your" world when they both don't know each other and then to share you on an any kind BDSM level without some sort of misunderstanding. Seeking BDSM friends! That's it...I have rules (what I like or don't like); BDSM is NOT my profession, therefore, NOT here to be anyone's Mistress, for the hell of it! Please go to a Pro-Domme to have your fantasies come true; there's several fabulous ones. I WILL NOT MAKE U'RE FANTASIES COME TRUE; you cater to my time, NOT the other way around...lol.

For the Dominants, all your BDSM friends already know you and past history,... everyone sees only the "Dominant" side, which I do comprehend why they never see the "Submissive" side, unless it's in the privacy of your place (Subspace). Let's be honest, (for a tad moment), every single person in BDSM knows that a Male Dominant has done everything Submissive to an "intense" degree (gosh, who ya kidding). Shhhhh, it's a secret with us, BDSM women, whether FemDommes, Subs, or Switches.

For the Submissives, you got to earn respect from a Dominant, since it's her precious time that's being spent with you.

Again, it's about balanced energy/chemistry on both sides; a win-win situation for both people. If not, then neither the Dominant or the Submissive will want to bother to play with you again, right?

People are complex creatures, but then we all want to be RESPECTED IN THE FINAL END, no matter what. If not, then its "ABUSE" in it's truest form; that's NOT a healthy BDSM friendship or relationship, in my opinion.

Thanks to all the HARDCORE Dominants or Submissives, whether male or female; (those in the BDSM scene for over 10yrs.) that gave me great insight on my research of the "TRUE" psychological "minds/ masks/ faces/ multi-personalities" of the "dual" nature that posseses us all. Anyhow, the truth hurts my soul, but it's the truth. All of you can NEVER "TRUST" ANYONE, NOT even yourself, for that matter, so how in the world can you ever have any kind of "GENIUNE HEALTHY POSITIVE" relationship. All those "old shoes" that kept calling ya off and on; I know it's sooo hard to say "no" to someone that doesn't know the other side of you, then those internal conflicts within your "enigmatic" sub-conscious soul...the love vs. desires (mostly selfish ones), hence, those private/ discret sessions with ProFemDommes, Switches, or Submissives that will only satisfy the "BEAST" within your soul that you CANNOT EVER control yourself, then those mind games. Plus, I forgot...the once in a blue moon vanilla person or novice that you're trying to "transform" to your "idealized" BDSM God/Goddess.

Gosh, it's all so complex and a mind blog! At the end, you're just manipulating yourself. Be genuine since we know a liar when we see one, right?

In clinical psychology...the greatest lesson learned... you're truly only "fuckin" with your "own" mind, nobody else's but your own, but somehow in life's journey, we all kept forgetting that, which is why it's hard to find the "one" with the "whole package". Most of us don't like the reflection that's in the mirror. I wonder why? The reflection of "TRUST", so we continue to scar ourselves then get on the roller coaster ride, again. It's easier to TRANSFORM others, but NEVER ourselves.

Plus, this is your own life in your own hands to live it in whatever ways you desire, but if you cherish the "ULTIMATE" relationship, then you must compromise with diplomacy and tact. Heck, it's all karma energies; what goes around comes around.

If you want it, then there's NO gain without some sort of pain. Be real in the being that you see yourself as towards others.Life's too short for all this chaos! Let's take a deep breathe and meditate for the sake of our own inner child within that desires "unconditional" love.I greatly appreciate the wisdom and knowledge gained from all my BDSM friends and their honesty in answering all those psychological questions; I wish I had something positive to say...but I'm the "rare" gal that's been on both sides of the fence and seen it all with my own eyes.

Thanks to all my friends for all their truthful imput on my BDSM journey; I am forever grateful!Always, wishing everyone the best! Nothing is impossible, if you think it's possible, right? I luv that motto._____________________________________

_________________[[THIS IS FOR THE NEWBIES IN BDSM]...IT HELPS IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE "BDSM" PSYCHOLOGY!) (COMMUNICATION, TRUST, AND RESPECT!)

(PLEASE GO BUY A FEW BDSM BOOKS TO LEARN THE BASICS (SUCH AS: SM 101, PARTNERS IN POWER, DIFFERENT LOVING, SENSUOUS MAGIC, SCREW THE ROSES SEND ME THE THORNS, CONSENSUAL SADOMASOCHISM, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WHIP, ETC...THOSE ARE EXCELLENT BOOKS, SINCE THERE'S SOO MANY, THESE ARE WORTH READING AND YOU LEARN LOTS, THEN GO OUT AND EXPERIMENT IN A SAFE, SANE, AND CONSENSUAL MATTER)...JUST LIKE ANY OTHER HOBBY; U MUST SPEND TIME TO LEARN & STUDY IT, BUY STUFF/BDSM TOYS (DON'T BE CHEAP), AND TRY IT OUT, MAKE MISTAKES, LAUGH, THEN EXPERIMENT...JUST LIKE GOLF, TENNIS, MARTIAL ARTS, DANCING, WHATEVER, RIGHT?)

Bdsm should always be a seen as a art; beauty within the role playing scenerios of those involved, plus trust between partners is cruical, so communication is most important before any scene.

"BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, and a lot of stuff besides.Dominance and Submission are NOT to be confused with Sadomasochism.

To make this “more” clear, I am including these basic definitions. They are taken from the American Heritage Dictionary.

1. Bondage - 2) A state of subjection to a force, power or influence. It comes from the Old English word bonda, which means husbandman (farmer)

2. Dominant - 1) Exercising the most influence or control; governing. 2) Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. Comes from Old French and Latin dominans, to dominate.

3. Dominate - 1) To control, govern or rule by superior authority or power. Comes from Latin dominari, to rule > dominus, lord.

4. Submissive - comes from Submit.

5. Submit - 1) To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another. 2) To subject to a condition or process. 3) To yield to the opinion or authority of another; give in. 4) To allow oneself to be subjected; acquiesce. Comes from Middle English submitten > Latin submittere, to set under: sub=under + mittere=to cause to go.

6. Sadism - 1) The "perversion" of deriving sexual satisfaction from the infliction of pain on others. 2) Delight in cruelty. 3) Extreme cruelty. Comes from Comte Donatien de Sade (1740-1814)

7. Masochism - 1) An “abnormal” condition in which sexual excitement and satisfaction depend largely on being subjected to abuse or physical pain, whether by oneself or another. Comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist (1836-1895)

8. Sadomasochism - 1) The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism.If you ignore the terms "perversion" and "abnormal" in the above definitions, you can still see that nowhere in the definition of "dominate" or "submit" do you have pain as an integral part.

It is a difference in gradients and intent. I am not saying that S&M is wrong, bad or undesirable. It is just a much higher gradient than D/s, and may be too intense for the beginner. Some people may confuse heavy D/s with S&M. They are two very different things.

The Players...Although it may seem through outward appearances that all the power in the relationship flows from the Dom or Master to the sub or slave, this is somewhat misleading.

[The players in a D/s relationship, no matter which side they are on, are "EQUALS" to a certain degree.] Both sides have power, but in different ways. The Dom may have ultimate authority, but the Sub is the one who initiates most actions.

{To prevent any misunderstanding between players, they should understand the difference between a Dom and a Master, and a submissive and a slave.}

Some people like to be submissive all the time, some people like to be dominant all the time; some people like to switch, being submissive one day and dominant the next.For the most part, people who are into this kind of thing are remarkably well-adjusted.

People involved in BDSM generally are neither abusive nor come from backgrounds where they were abused, because people with that kind of backgrounds aren't likely to be sexually turned on by giving someone else power over them. That doesn't mean that no BDSM relationship is abusive--since people are what they are, no form of human interaction is immune to abuse.

In fact, if you're going to get involved in this kind of stuff, it helps to have a cast-iron ego and a strong sense of self, particularly if you're a submissive. Everyone in Bdsm is highly sensitive.

Some people think anyone interested in BDSM is suffering from some kind of past abuse. I think that the "BDSM interest= past abuse" assertion is most frequently made by people who don't understand what BDSM is. They see someone being flogged, they say "Oh! People in a BDSM relationship get hit; people in an abusive relationship get hit; ergo, BDSM is like an abusive relationship.

"But the fact is, the psychology of a BDSM power exchange is vastly different from the psychology of abuse; and in a BDSM relationship, the psychology is frequently driven by the limitations of the submissive, not the dominant. Typically, it is the submissive who says "This far and no farther"--which is entirely contradictory to the psychology of abuse.

BDSM is not what it looks like from the outside. It's not just tying people up and having sex, and it's not just arbitrarily whipping people. That's very crude, and kind of boring. What it is is a sort of role-playing, where the people involved are acting out a fantasy that involves taking or giving up power. Sex is often involved, but not always.Role-playing?

Fantasy? You make it sound like it's all some kind of game.It is. You're exercising your imagination, and you're playing a game with the other person. You get to be the dominant; your partner is the submissive; you're playing the role of the mad scientist who's just kidnapped someone and is going to use this poor innocent person for evil experiments. Or whatever. At the same time, however, it is very serious. You're creating a framework that allows you to have fun and explore some very powerfully charged areas of human psychology, and push your boundaries at the same time.

In this way, BDSM can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and exploration.Damn straight! I would never do that; I respect my lover too much.Experimenting with intense things like resistance play and pain play do not mean you do not respect your lover.

Quite the contrary; respect for your lover is absolutely paramount if you wish to do these things safely. Respect for your lover is not just in behaving according to some ideal about the way "men are supposed to treat women" or whatever.

Respect for your lover lies in exploring with your lover, creating with your lover, doing with your lover those things that you and your lover wish to do, sharing yourself on a very deep level with your lover... It's reflected in everything you say, do, express, feel, and think with your lover. Different people want, need, and value different things.

Respect recognizes those differences. And above all else, respect is an integral part of the mutual process of self-exploration and self discovery.

My Ideal Person:
Now hold on a minute, kink-boy. We're talking about kinky S&M here, not Buddhism. What do you mean, "self exploration?"

Just that.BDSM is a very broad term that encompasses many wildly different practices, and many wildly different beliefs. But central to all these things is the idea of challenging boundaries and testing limits--and that's precisely what self-exploration is all about.You cannot know your limits if you never test them and never explore them. You may know some general things, but you can't truly know yourself if you have never explored and never experimented.

As Francis Bacon wrote, Your true self can be known only by systematic experimentation, and controlled only by being known.BDSM provides a context and a set of tools for exploring your own personal boundaries in a safe, fun, enjoyable, and mutually reciprocal way. It provides a vehicle by which you can get to know yourself and your lover much more deeply and intimately than you might have thought possible. And hey, you often find along the way that you can be surprised! You probably have turn-ons that you don't even know you have, and you will never discover without exploration.

And that, my friend, can truly enrich your life and the life of your lover.But once you get involved in this sort of thing, don't you keep going further and further? Can you ever stop?

This isn't really a question about BDSM. This is a question about human nature.People are very, very complex creatures, and it's unrealistic to think that you know the whole truth about every aspect of yourself without ever having experimented with the things that turn you on. There are many things that I thought would never appeal to me that experimentation has proven are huge turn-ons for me, and I suspect the same is true of most people. Not even "most people who are into BDSM"--most people. Nobody is completely static, and nobody can be expected to know absolutely everything about himself or herself from the get-go.

So yeah, when you start experimenting, you may find that there are things that turn you on that you never thought would turn you on. But then again, unless you are hopelessly shallow, as you go through life you'll probably discover new things that turn you on even if you don't get involved with BDSM!And of course you can stop. Just because you learn something new about yourself, that doesn't mean you're changing into some kind of raving, uncontrolled lunatic! It just means you've discovered something new, that's all.

For many people, BDSM is an intensely personal and meaningful experience, from either side.

I am Dominant. I am into BDSM because I want more. I want more experience, I want more intensity; I want to feel more, think more, experience more, be more. I want to live life in immoderation, not moderation; I want to experience intensity because I want to live intensely.

From a Submissive's stand point: I surrender to another because I want to be taken to that place where reason and thought disappears, where the world folds up flat and spins away into its own corner and there's nothing left but what I'm feeling.

From a Dominant's stand point: I take control of another because I want to take them to that place--because when I become the orchestrator and the director of their world, when I can set the stage and write the script and make them, for a little while, become someone else, somewhere else, then I can feel what it is to wake the sleeping lion--and that is heady stuff indeed.On top of that, it's very romantic.

What? Romantic? You've got to be joking.Nope. See, that's one of the things about BDSM that isn't obvious to someone on the outside.

When a Dominant is creating a BDSM scenario, the Dominant needs to focus his or her attention entirely on the Submissive. A good Dominant pays very close attention to the submissive--how the submissive is reacting, what's going on around the submissive, what the submissive is feeling--everything. Having somebody pay that close attention to you doesn't suck. It's very romantic and genuine, too!

I have studied psychology in depth & Bdsm role playing scenerios help my mind become more creative and unique, which creates beauty in my normal every day lifestyle. In my opinion, Bdsm should NOT be a 24/7 lifestyle since there's so many wonderful things to experience in life, once you find the "right" partner. Patience is a virtue! Communication is cruical and should always be respect, non-judgmental, and honest or else the relationship will become abusive over time. How you both treat one another afterwards is important! Basically, do you both feel content and joyful in each other's arms, does the energy feel good between you,can you speak openly about all sorts of topics, and are you both considerate towards each other. Also, can you get along without the need to control and manipulate, once the Bdsm games are over behind the privacy of closed doors? I do NOT care what anyone says to me, but everyone in Bdsm is an extremely sensitive person. Therefore, we all desire love and respect in the final end for the Bdsm relationship to be healthy and endure.