My Ideal Person:
ANNOYINGLY LONG SELF-INDULGENT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL STUFF YOU CAN PROBABLY SKIP. I live a double life. At work, I represent the paradigm of the modest, conservative, deeply religious, yet “normal” woman. I'm a very good-hearted woman - warm, affectionate, adoring, sarcastic, teasing, intelligent. I’m a complete hedonist but I do enjoy simple pleasures, as well as true luxury. I've been a vanilla slut my whole life. I've always loved fucking, i loved being touched, i loved sucking cock.. And I still love doing all those things. all i ever wanted to do with a guy was kiss and make out for hours, have my clit stroked, my nipples played with. I'm very passionate, sensual and affectionate. Until a few years ago, I believed I used men purely as living, sentient toys I needed simply for my physical pleasure. I used men to fuck my ass to turn initial pain into exquisite pleasure, cuz it hurts so good. I used them to have a hard cock in my mouth and feel it spasming and their cum spurting against the back of my throat, i used them to patiently stroke and suck my clit until i came. Or all 3 at the same time. A truly wonderful never-ending stream of cocks and tongues and hands. But these are days of exploration and of changes -although I still do crave using men for my physical pleasure, I've discovered that in addition to physical pleasure, I use (and have always used) men to fulfill a very strong need to please and serve. The more involved I become in this life, the more I believe that this is almost the overpowering need - that this is all i really want. I’m at the point now, where vanilla sex just does not do it for me. (And, yes, I’m a sub, but I used the word “use.” It’s unfortunate that the word has a negative connotation. We all use each other. Do I get what I want and need? Oh, yes. Any sub who doesn’t is a fool or emotionally unhealthy. I’m neither.

It gives me incredible joy to obey, to submit, to see pleasure in a man's eyes; I love watching a guy looking down on me while I'm sucking his cock. I've also discovered I do enjoy rough sex quite a bit... as well as a medium degree of pain. Simply put, I want a man to use me as a fuck toy. I'm a slut that wants to be a lover and needs you to do whatever you want to me, wherever you want. I've discovered that I very much enjoy serving, being told what to do, and being used for your pleasure. I am quite insatiable, as is my curiosity. One way or another, i want to experience everything. I'm a free bird and i'm going to learn to fly. And although i know i can't stay forever young, the fire inside me burns brightly.

OMG, do you realize you're only half-way through this?

Oh, and i just realized that because this little essay was written at different times, there might be some incongruities, most notable about gang-bangs (fun!) and breath-play (love breath-play.. the erotic kind where - wow, how can you not have a mind-blowing orgasm when you can't take a breath until you do, not the kind where brain death occurs.)

I am actually - believe it or not- looking for one man. Haven't found him yet, but i know he's out there. He's the one i'm going to connect with on all 3 levels - sexually, intellectually and emotionally. I've found tons of 1-level connections (go ahead - give a guess which level) (well, it's the most fun), a couple of 2-level, but not that elusive One whom i connect with on all levels and who truly owns me. Yes, yes.. i said i wasn't slave material - ok, owns my pussy and my soul and my heart, not only whose cock i will worship and live to please, but whom i truly adore and serve and would do anything for. Somebody will hit the jackpot.

Classic good looks doesn't do it for me. What's very very important is what i see in your eyes while you're watching me suck you or while you're making me cum. My looks? i'm 48. But I I could still probably pass for 46 like I did last year. . In the looks dept., tall, red hair, green-blue eyes, could definitely stand to lose 20 pounds. i've been told i have pretty eyes. whore eyes. Especially with a cock in my mouth. Looking up at you. Oh, you know that woman.. Angelina Jolie? married to Brad? Well, people tell me i look absolutely nothing like her. So, i guess, if you look nothing like Brad, we might match nicely.

let's get back to you. You should be funny, self-deprecating, teasing, loving, have a great voice and imagination, and understand what i need. Good luck with that one. I abhor Doms who think cuz i'm a submissive they could grab me or hurt me anytime they want, Doms who tell me i'm not really a sub cuz i crave getting fucked and used hard (fine - i'm not a sub. i'm a bottom. who the hell cares? I will crawl for you, i will beg you, i will obey you, i will do any fucking thing you want, just because i want your cock in me. And i do get your cock in me, cuz I AM a good girl. and even though you won't let me cum sometimes, i know you will eventually. Shouldn't we all get what we want?) I also ABHOR Doms who stop demanding the very best for themselves by not demanding the very best from their slut. Nothing worse than a Dom who stops caring and giving you what you need. I NEED to be trained. and i need pretty hard-core training. How else I am going to become the best slut I can be, except by being trained hard?

I like super-intelligent men. NOT pretentious, just smart. It would be nice to find somebody who was at least as smart as i was. (Boy, cunt's kind of full of herself, isn't she? Sorry – I’m smart. I'm what G-d created.. nothing more, nothing less.)

Ok, I'm almost done, except for the couple of paragraph indentations so this is a bit easier to read.

One very last thing.. i've been off of alt for a couple of months - personal stuff - taking shelter from the storm with my ex who adores and loves me and wants to grow old with me, and a few special play-friends (less than you would guess) (or more) (definitely one or the other). Also, been on some other sites to expand my horizons a bit. Ok, so my horizons have been expanded (mainly, I just did a lot of fun drugs,) now it’s time to expand some other things. (get it?) (Oh, good news.. i just realized i had hit the "insert" key so i think i just typed over a paragraph). Anyway, the slut's been getting more use than what most people would still call excessive, but oh, G-d, she's getting loud again.

No married guys, no switches, no bis. Oh, married guys are fine. I just can’t meet somebody who can only meet between 2 and 3 every other Thursday or between 10 and 11 every Tuesday in a month that has an e in it. I have very flexible hours at my job, but I am NOT a morning person… late evenings, nights, weekends, all fine. (And, NO married doctors from Long Island. Yes, you guys get a special mention. I don’t care how flexible your job is, or how much you assure me, we will never meet. We will end up making plans, I will get dressed up for you, and wait, and wait, and finally get a call that you have an emergency.. some stupid bleeding person or some moron who finally realizes she shouldn’t have waited til her fingers to turn black before she went to a dr. And you can’t make it And, who suffers? I have to suffer. I don’t get used. So NO married doctors from Long Island.) And i am very, very interested in intense medical play. If thoughts are swirling in your head of what you would do with a very obedient slut who just wants to please you, i'd like to hear from you. if you've actually grabbed a pad so you could write stuff down - things that you'd like to do, i really want to hear from you. OK, more of my high standards coming into play here: If you use discreet/ discrete incorrectly (I gave you a really cool trick earlier), i will block you. If you have a spelling mistake in your tag line, i will block you. I have a spelling fetish. If you don't know the difference between coarse and erotic, i'm not interested. if you call me a worthless whore, the only thing you'll accomplish is making me cry, and not in a good way (yes, there's a good way of crying). If you like to break people down, so you could mold them, i'm not interested. I'm not joining the Marines. I spent many many years building myself, and judging from the level of satisfaction, contentment and joy in my life and the healthy ego (semi-healthy - i still thrive on praise - legitimate praise) i possess, i didn't do that terrible a job. now i'm done.

OK, we all know i'm not done, right? Yes, i do have this stream of consciousness kind of writing going. and yes, the right thing would be to go through this whole novella and edit it and rearrange it and tighten it up and make it sound like it was written by a sane person. But i am way, way too lazy for that. So the very last thing is to apologize to you for having to read through all this. I did tighten it up a little (if “tightening means adding more.)

OMG - this just goes on and on and on. ok, stop, i don't think there's anything new after this. Was there anything new after the 2nd paragraph? This is the last new stuff:
I've suggested what to do in order to not get a response. Here's a couple of ways to get a response:
--make me laugh
--make me involuntarily start touching myself
--make me reach for a dictionary (i love new words)
--Recommend a new song that I've never heard that i'll like. --
--"G-d bless living sincere." Blow my mind and tell me where that's from. OK, my mistake. Somebody actually wrote me, and said it's "G-d bless Lili St. Cyr." Now somebody please tell me wtf lili st cyr is. (And, yes, it's from Rocky Horror) ok, wait, somebody else wrote that, no, it is G-d bless living sincere. Now, i realize the only person to whom this is important is me, but actually, the correct lyrics are... i mean the correct lyrics as far as some idiot who's able to design a web-page wrote, the correct lyrics are: "his lust is so sincere." now we can all sleep well tonight.
Nope. The absolutely correct lyrics are “G-d bless Lili St. Cyr,” who was an old-time stripper. And one person mentioned I reminded them of. Another person mentioned I was an incarnation of The Great Whore of Babylon or Istar. She reveled in her slutdom as I do.

--here's an easy one...
Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose
Some things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but....

(It’s Bob Dylan’s “Things have changed”)

--Here’s one I was listening to recently…
“Anything you want, you got it..”

Repetitive Stuff: (I’m dead serious. You already know all of this. It’s like alt is paying me per word.
)
I want to try everything - to experience all there is to experience. The more I experience, the more i love being submissive. I go places i've never been, i experience sex the way i never have before and it's unbelievably amazing.

You should be very educated, intelligent, articulate. You should be kind and empathic and somewhere between a mature 35 and a youthful 60. You should know how to treat me right in public (i.e., like a princess); what you whisper when nobody can hear may be a different story. I want somebody who enjoys vanilla pleasures as well as very degenerate, very nasty sex when the night comes. But when the daylight comes, I hope you'll accompany me at my side. I'm not looking for a monogamous relationship, but i'm not interested in one-night-stands. Really good Ds relationships take time to develop. I don't want just another night. i like being silly and i like a guy who could make me laugh and with whom i could laugh. I want a guy with a truly filthy mind, a great imagination, who is very verbal. I love being talked to and being verbally "humiliated". I'm a huge fan of imaginative methods of sadism and humiliation. I want a man whom I can please, who will tell me what a good slut I am, who will reward me with praise, with a deep kiss, or with his cock, and who will discipline me when i'm not good. I want to become your slut. I want you to tell me what I should do. I want to become yours to do with whatever you want and to do whatever you want. I love having a man put a collar on me - that feeling of being owned - of being property - of becoming a being whose only existence is based on purely physical sensation. I want a man who's into a lot of different kink and is interested in pushing and helping me explore more. (Ok, here goes.. limits. I know a true slut should have no limits. But.. No kids, I have to stick with my own species, so no animals. No permanent marks. My body doesn’t belong to me. It’s going back with a fuck-lot of wear and tear, but not with “property of Joe Blow” tattooed over my pussy. And I’m really, really not crazy about scat. But pretty much everything else is open. Like my holes.

AND STILL MORE ANNOYINGLY LONG SELF-INDULGENT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL STUFF YOU CAN PROBABLY-ACTUALLY DEFINITELY SKIP: An earlier version of my profile discussed the self-respecting (vanilla - i realize now) slut:
"What it comes down to is I don't need somebody to whom I can give control so I can "do what I want to do deep down inside. Be the slut I really want to be, let the inner slut out." I am the slut I want to be. The inner slut is out - she's always been out; I'm very comfortable, and all I really want is pleasure.
What I've since learned is that there is indeed an inner slut - a bdsm slut - whose only function, purpose and existence is based on submitting and giving (and thus deriving) pleasure. There's no ego, there's no person, there's this creature that just wants to do whatever you want her to do, wants you to do whatever you want to her. She has no concept of anything other than pure submission and pleasure. She comes out when she feels safe and secure; I/she needs to be broken down, to be an object, depersonalized ... fuckmeat. That's all she wants - that's all she craves. She has no function other than to be used for pleasure. She has no thoughts, no vocabulary, no ego - she is purely and simply a slut, a mouth, a cunt and an ass, who will simply and mindlessly obey you and do whatever you desire of her. She relies on you for protection from harm. She relies on you for her commands. She relies on you for approval. She wishes for nothing other than to please you and make you proud of her. She wants to be blindfolded so she can reside in a black space devoid of all sensory input other than touch and sound/voice. She wants to suck cock because it calms her. She wants to have her ass fucked and her pussy fucked at the same time. She wants cum in her mouth and on her face and dripping out of her ass and her pussy. She wants to be whipped, to be used, to be fucked, to be ordered so she can submit. She goes to a place and finds a different ecstasy than the vanilla slut and her "fucking and using men for her own pleasure".

The vanilla slut believes if it has to do with your cock, your pleasure, my pleasure, I'm totally there and I will obey any and everything you tell me unless it involves extreme pain and "non-sexual acts simply designed to reinforce my submission, and my lack of self." The BDSM slut wants and needs to have her submission reinforced time after time, because that's all she is - she doesn't have a "self".

SERIOUSLY, HOW MANY TIMES CAN A PERSON REPEAT HERSELF? i am very passionate, extremely affectionate, I will adore and adulate you because I do love men, and I can't really seem to get my fill. I love all different kinds of men. I want to pet you and hold you and I want both of us to experience different forms of great pleasure. I will give you my body, my passion, my desire, I will take your cock down my throat, swallow your cum, and just hold you in my mouth, I want to get fucked in the ass over and over, i want to get fisted. I will fawn over you and kiss you, and worship you and your cock. I adore men, I love to fuck, whether it be for using you to give me orgasmic pleasure or using you to fulfill my need and desire to submit and give up total control of my"self."

I can also be a cunt (duh)- not just one that hungrily envelops a hard cock, but a sarcastic, cutting, biting, obnoxious bitch. I expect to be put in my place no matter how that might be accomplished. I need the proper training, in the sexual arena, and perhaps in the non-sexual as well.

GETTING A RESPONSE (OMG, why is she still talking?? Well, i guess that's why ball gags were invented. And if you think I've been annoying so far, wait.) I won't respond to a one-line email (e.g., "I think we could have fun together" or "call me 917-...) I won't respond to someone who has a 2-sentence profile and a bunch of "prefer not to say." PLEASE fill out your fetish checklist. I actually like cock photos, but would appreciate a face photo. I love erotic emails, i like the way they detail what you'd like to do. I love being called a nasty, filthy ass slut, cock whore, every name in the book while we're playing and i'm sucking you or you're fucking me in the ass and/or making me do truly degenerate things. How will you make me prove my devotion to becoming yours to do with whatever? I will turn myself inside out for you.

Most importantly, I will not respond to a gentleman who has a mistake in his introductory title, or has too many mistakes in his profile to count, or doesn't seem to know the difference between your and you're or their and there or other third-grade words.

This journey is proving to be almost too enjoyable.. the pleasure and satisfaction i attain is more than what i would have ever imagined when i first started and beyond my wildest dreams. I know i'm into something good. I have many wonderful people to thank for that. And I know there's so much more... I'm not waiting. Trust yourself and call me. You can't always get what you want - but you never can tell. Instead of a lonely ol' night in a lonesome town, picture this.. the weight of the world lifted, an endless night.. and even though every rose has its thorn, and there's a touch of gray in everything, and perhaps it's still rainin' and some are simply just waiting for the end of the world while they're crawling from the wreckage.. perhaps just up around the bend, you'll have the time of your life. It's a wild world, it's a wonderful world - I don't want to stay home another Saturday night; i want to let the good times roll. Dazed and confused is the shape I'm in; it ain't that pretty at all - for a self-professed slut, i seem to have way too much time on my hands. I close my eyes and wish someone would come running to save me. Or should i just dream on?

Oh, the meaning of life? What am I, an idiot? Of course, everybody skipped down to the end to get the answer. The meaning of life is something you must strive to understand. For millennium, the brightest minds have pondered. Since the dawn of time, scientists and philosophers and professional students have tried to decipher the riddle of man’s existence. And you fucking can’t read an alt profile. Well, now I’m not going to tell you. Nope, too late. That’s just the kind of cunt I am.